I'm so sorry you're hurting.. but this may be a blessing in disguise for you too..

It sounds like he has a lot of demons hes been dealing with for a long time.. and as great as you were for standing beside him and supporting him as much as you could through those times.. is he really fulfilling his part in the relationship? Are you feeling as supported as YOU should?

Sometimes I think as women, we get so caught up in the nurturing and 'mothering' roles to support our spouses (who take that for granted).. that we ourselves forget and ignore the fact that those essential traits aren't being reciprocated.

Which stands true in your case too.. as he says hes found someone else.. how could he possibly be standing by you and supporting you, while hes shopping for another partner on the side?

I've been there too.. different circumstances but felt completely the same when he told me he found someone else..

I supported him through unemployment.. through him going back to college.. very stressful on myself and our children.. then like you.. once things started turning around again.. he showed me the door like I'd served my purpose, and now he has someone new.

You dont deserve to be used and abused and treated like that.. you have so much love and support to offer - for a man who will show you the same, you are ONLY 54, and you've been given a gift of freedom again.. even if now your not seeing it that way.. it really is a blessing that he's taking himself out of the equation.. he was using you.. not treating you like a partner or even a friend. You are not alone, and you will get through this.. count your blessings and try to refocus your supportive nature to yourself.. you've been through alot already, and it sounds like more is on the way before the skys can clear.. but they will clear.. and you will see the true blessing that this is... it will just take some time, and some support - for you, for a change..

Again I'm so sorry things didnt work out as you'd hoped.. but hes showing you his true colors, dont second guess this.. - believe him.

I'm sorry you're going thru this and it hurts. You were a loyal and loving partner, who accepted his flaws and helped him thru tough parts of his life...and this is how he repays you. I think it also seems like...why does she get the recovered him...and I got the struggling him.

There's a codependency support group on here. I'm sure if you've been helping him for the past 7 years, you have heard that term many times.

It seems like you're a good caring person and you deserve more than how this ended.

You said his only flaw was falling off the wagon. But you also mentioned "going to prison" for two years. Love and lost can make you see things thru rose tinted glasses. His other flaw that I can see was seeking companionship outside his marriage. Those are at least 3 major flaws I see.

If you like to read, have a look at this book below. I think is is excellent in showing us what types of individuals we attract and why. It also tells us what healthy people look like. I had really helped me analyze my choices in men, and really see what I really need in a relationship.

Sending you light and love.

Dr. Seth's Love Prescription: Overcome Relationship Repetition Syndrome and Find the Love You Deserve

Thank you so much for the positive words. Waking up and going to bed alone are the hardest times of the day. Your words helped me greatly. 54 seems old when I heard he was moving on to someone younger.
Thanks My New Normal. Wishing you well too.

Thank you Lavender80. I will look into that book. Wishing you well too.

Why is being "single" not alone, so bad? Why do you think you have to have a man in your life to be happy?

I'm sorry, I'm 50, or will be in a couple of weeks, I was also married for 25 years...if I could go back and somehow extract my 2 sons from that equation and get rid of the jerk I was married to...hell yes. I've lived and enjoyed life more in the 10 years since I've been divorced than I ever did in those 25 years I wasted.

The thing is before you can be happy and content in a Relationship of any type, you have to be happy and content by yourself. You have to be good with You. Somewhere along the line people got programmed to think that "Happiness" comes from being with someone else....it doesn't. It's nice to be with a partner, have someone to share the good times with, do things with, love. But if your not happy in You, if you don't love You, you can't be happy in a relationship....that's one equation that will never work.

Spend some time choosing Joy for yourself. Happy can come randomly with little effort...Joy has to be sought out and chosen. Find your Joy, find your strength, make You the strong person that you need to be....and you'd be surprised how often the best things fall into our lives when we don't expect them and aren't sitting around worrying and stressing about them constantly.

Take care,
Kat

Losing someone you love, especially when it's to someone else, is never easy, The best thing we can do is to know that we gave it our best and to also know we are not reponsible for another person's actions. When I was young, I gave it my all, sacrificed my health by working long hours, working through injuries, to provide for my family for 10 yrs. then, it ended in divorce. The one I loved tried to have an ex-lover kill me, she tried to stab me on 3 different occasions and finally got a gun and tried to shoot me. We divorced, we both remarried. Our youngest son was killed in 2006 and she still treated me like a dog. She died of cancer in 2013. I understand how you feel but, don't get too discouraged. Life can still be enjoyable and who knows,. love may blossom again in the future.

Thank you Kat. and Old Biker. And Old Biker- holy cow- that's some story. Best wishes to you both.
Ps. Am happy motorcycling weather is here! Vroom vroom

I am so sorry that you're going through this. One of my exes was an alcoholic and became very emotionally abusive towards me, and I stood by him hoping he'd help himself. He never did until I left. Moral of my comment is, there will be someone amazing that comes along for you. Don't get discouraged because this was your third marriage. Look at it and see what you learned from it. 54 is still very young. Someone much better is going to come around for you! All of the love you've giving away to others will soon find its way back to you.

The person I married heroin addict too and alcohoic, reason I left him. We lived with his mother he never tried getting our own place just drama until I left him for good. I been divorced after 13 years then I married Raynaldo three months later. It wasn't a healthy marriage we never had not one anniversars, holidays together. I regret marrying him and we're separated 20 months now. I never go back I want him file divorce he's moved on.

I know where ur coming from but it was hard for me at first I was verbally abused then I learned to pick myself up and move on. My strength comes from God and I don't have much famikybfor support.