Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
This week has been one of the worst weeks of my life. Earlier this week I had someone message me on messenger stating she's been having an affair with my spouse, and that they are on multiple dating sites looking for a wife. My spouse was in a work trip where he was supposedly not going to have cell phone service but I sent screenshots of all the conversations to him and he called and told me he lied about the work trip and starting these dating apps over two weeks ago and its been the best two weeks of his life and stated he met with an attorney to file for divorce. I have not had a conversation with him since that phone call... I feel devastated, this is some that has always assured me that he would never cheat, or do anything decietful. I'm lost...broken and most of all feel rejected. This week I've had a range of emotions and don't even know how to move forward.. I feel stuck. I constantly go over old conversations and replay events and think, how did I miss this. How could this happen, I thought we were working on things, I thought we loved each other.. But no, here I am..alone..crying myself to sleep when he's out living his best life.
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I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying. I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there. I think that I will start writing in it again. It's so therapeutic.
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Years ago, I won a mirrored armoire from my job. It's in my bedroom but I rarely stand in front of it. Yesterday, I had to have a dexascan done so I had to change into a gown. There was a full length mirror in the changing room. I'm aware that I gained 5 to 7 pounds over the last year from cheating on Keto but I didn't know what it looked like. It was a reality check.
How long married? Do you have kids together?
Well, if he's gone to an attorney, then you need to get an attorney also. Most give free consultations. I know this is not what you want to do, and you don't feel like it at all. But, you do need to protect yourself and get the financial side of this taken care of.
I would suggest finding a therapist. Someone to talk to, who can help to deal with and sort out all these emotions. For now, spend time taking care of yourself, talk to friends, family.... stay busy. And especially if you have kids, you need to take good care of YOU right now. Eat well, sleep, get exercise.... you need to stay strong to deal with this whole thing.
Keep writing it out. Were there any red flags? Was he a secretive person, lied about other things, took a lot of these "work trips" where he "couldn't be reached" (sounds like a huge lie.... who can't be reached nowadays???) etc?
How long were you married? Do you two have kids?
I met with an attorney last week that is going to work on filing a petition for divorce since I haven't been notified by he has officially filed anything.
Just know that he was not who you thought he was. He lied, he was cheating, he led you on.... Not the kind of person you'd want to be in a forever relationship with. He hid his true self from you, but now you see who he really is.
5 years is awhile, but it's something that you can and will get over. And you said yourself that you two were having some problems and disagreements.... try to focus now on the bad parts of the marriage.... how you two didn't see eye to eye on some things. That kind of thing only gets worse, the longer a couple is together.
No kids involved, so that will make the break easier.
Do you have a therapist? They could help you to sort out these feelings and emotions and thoughts. I hope you have a support system with family, friends, even co-workers..... Keep yourself busy, keep taking care of yourself. You need your strength to deal with all of this.
So sorry!
I think you loved him but he is perhaps incapable of loving another human being. If he loved you, he could not hurt you this way. You can't work on a marriage by yourself. This is not your fault although he is very likely going to make it your fault, you were a bad wife he will say, you aren't sexy enough or slim enough. Don't buy that BS. Look into what a narcissist is, just to see what you think.
Now is the time to take care of yourself first and foremost. You must get to an attorney immediately and find out how the divorce process works in your state or country. You must now be self protective. While he is out of town, get copies of all the financial records you can lay your hands on. Do not delete any messages from this woman or from him.
Do not think he will change.
How did you miss this? Well, mostly we don't want to see it but also these people are good at manipulating us and hiding their secrets. You trusted him and loved him. A good marriage is based on trust after all. Predators look for trusting people to take advantage of. All of us have found ourselves with people who take advantage of us at one time or another. Get to an attorney and clean his financial clock.