Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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tgmom 05/19/2017

Last couple days have been rough. Depression and some anxiety. So angry! So hurt! Mad at myself because this is not the first time he has left me. This is the first time he as wanted a divorce though. Yes, he is seeing someone. He won't move out of the house though, a consult with a lawyer told him not to, could be seen as abandonment. I'm seeing a lawyer for a consult on Monday. I just can't get over him and move on with my life with him here. Haven't been talking to him for about 2 weeks. Went a bit crazy on him last Sunday night, started packing his stuff and throwing it down by the front door. Yelled and screamed at him. He's still here. It's all so disrespectful and emotionally hard on me. Granted, we have been basically just roommates for the last 5 years. Talked about trying to put marriage back together but he never really tried. I was just someone to take care of him. I thought we had some kind of relationship though. The type of women he likes to leave for are low quality women, no job, lots of drama and chaos. He is 62, has health issues but still works, he does work hard. I think they are usually after money. I just want him to be unhappy and miserable. I want to become stronger and better. I do have plans, I have an ok job, I want to get back to church, I started Divorce Care this last week, I plan on going back to school to finish my degree, I want to spend time with friends. Just right now it still hurts to much and I'm so angry. We still have a 17 yr old at home, he has another year of high school. We have a daughter in college too. I'm just afraid. I wonder what's going to happen to me.

sjs777 05/19/2017

you could certainly set boundaries while he is there. so long as your under this roof you will not contact the other woman, level of respect in conversations, financial obligations...
its awesome that you've joined DivorceCare and going back to school. Know you're not alone

sjs777 05/19/2017

i should have also mentioned the value of a good councillor - be certain they have the skill set and mindset to support your needs and are compatible with your goals and beliefs

tgmom 05/19/2017

Thanks sjs777, I do have a therapist, with my work hours and his office hours not going to be able to see him as much as I like though. I tried to tell him he can't be see other people while he is here but he said he is not going to stop seeing her. He refuses to move out. We really don't see each other much but still, I know when he is here and that he could come home at any time. I HATE it.

Dragonflywishes 05/19/2017

That is really a tough situation...I found the best "revenge" is to live your best life. Do what you want to do. Go out with friends and just experience life. If nothing else, get some headphones and listen to music or nothing at all. Definitely talk to the lawyer and hire the person you feel will help you the most. Take charge of your destiny, it's just waiting for you to make the choice. Good luck.

tgmom 05/19/2017

Thanks Dragonflywishes, that's what I plan to do, the Ultimate Revenge, to live well. It's just hard getting started. You're right though.

jojored 05/19/2017

Oh, so familiar, but not the cheating part. Ex and I have lived together under the same roof for over one year since filing. The divorce was final 10 days ago, and he is to move out tomorrow. Hasn't done an ounce of packing or preparing (getting boxes, duh) he's watching tv now. He really put no effort into the marriage, ever, and less than no effort into marriage counseling. He would not move out and I had no legal standing to make him move. I was stuck. Now, I have a $40,000 divorce and marital settlement agreement to back up my demand for him to move out. Not that that really means anything - if he refuses, it means I have to go back to court to file a contempt or something similar. I think he will go tomorrow, but be back often to see the kids and pick up things here and there. I just would like to know when he comes, and to have his key. Even that is not feasible, as he still owns 1/2 the house. Once the other house sells and I buy out his share of this house, he will not be able to come and go at whim.

I will say it is possible to start the healing process while living with stbx/ex. It's harder than if he's out, but possible.

sjs777 05/20/2017

a agree jojored, my styx lives with me too - it can be done

NeoSoul 05/20/2017

One thing at a time. Sometimes we bite off the whole thing at once: wanting to live our own life, and it makes it impossible for us to take the first step. Maybe start with one thing, like going for a cup of coffee with a friend, and let that be enough for the first day. Good luck. You are not alone.

sjs777 05/20/2017

@tgmom if you're finding it tough to match your hours to your councillors there are many which do phone and skype counselling

mirandac 05/20/2017

To me it sounds like you have a very volatile situation
There. Tread carefully for yours and your children sake.
It would be very good if he moved somewhere Else for
awhile until it was all legally settled.

Legally if you are coowners you can not kick Him out
for infidelity. Most leave out of having Some sense of
morals or some decency or like mine it put a cramp In
his style and i was staying, his GF would not have liked
him sleeping in the same house as his wife once the
divorce had Been declared and on the table.

My ex did move out, he moved To his mothers so he could
carry on and not have A wife to contend wife who Refused
to move out and i told him no dating he is a married man. He
Said but its over, TFB.

Eventually after the divorce and decree i did move out, Moved
out of town and went total no contact with him except thru the
mail, HUGS

Alkathar 05/21/2017

Agree with dragonflywishes you need to work on yourself and do what makes you you.

You can set boundaries but if someone is going to cheat they don't care what you want, they are focused on themselves and won't listen to you.

tolonely 05/21/2017

I agree with jojored also it is hard to heal when they are still there I can't it's impossible prayers to you I am going through the same thing it is horrible

sjs777 05/21/2017

I've been reading the book "Love Must be Tough", a great read - it speaks to not accommodating the detrimental actions of your spouse = no doubt i'll finish the book later and i'll post a review to my journal

stay strong!

hugs

tolonely 05/21/2017

I'm going to look that book up right now thanks

tgmom 05/21/2017

Also going to look up book. When he left me before, I found a book I liked, it helped me, I still have it somewhere. It was called, When The One You Love Wants To Leave.

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