i'm kicking my bodies ass for a start..i'm learning to play bass guitar and i just keep myself very very busy and surounded by people at all times possible..early morning and night time are my least favorite..i have regular breakdowns nightly..i feel like i'm never going to hit bottom either..i'm so sorry your feeling this pain i wouldnt wish it on anyone..well except them..if they knew how it felt maybe they would never do it to anyone again..

my goodness rudy my heart goes out to you tonight. I too, have been there... in that darkness falling. and i know there is nothing I can say... not pill i can give you to take or no book to read.. it is real PAIN. and you can't seem to escape it.

your post resonated with me... and i am here to tell you that you CAN get through this. i promise it gets better. i don't know the cicumstances of your relationship but i know that at least you are reaching out right now and that is a huge step even if you feel you have already given up.

i also believe that she does miss you and love you. i believe once you love someone you will always love them. there is always a room in your heart for them. at least for me that is true.

i month or so ago i thought i would die. but today i actually went out and did a fun harbor boat ride where i got SOAKED and laughed my tail off. i actually had fun today and even a week ago i felt like i couldn't get out of bed.

every day you may start to feel better or worse. it is a roller coaster. try talking to a therapist and addressing deeper issues.. that may have contributed to your situation.

hugs to you tonight. sending support from boston

also don't think too far ahead with kids and later in life. right now focus on each day. get up each day living in the present and trying to address these emotions.
one foot in front of the other with baby steps.

things will fall into place for the future.

The only reason I think of kids is because I was with my wife for 8 years and she knew how much I wanted someone to raise and call me daddy, thinking about that just hurts so much and fills my eyes with tears. As far as her missing me, I wish that was so! She's in the arms of another man, didn't even wait for the divorce papers to be filed yet. So you can see how my heart aches. I feel as though I'm being punished for all the wrongdoings that I have ever done in my life. I know that this hurt will go away with time, but I'm tired of crying, tired of being in pain, I don't wanna hurt and cry anymore, I pray for this to go away every night and I wish I could fast forward time.

I just posted a discussion called "Please read if struggling"
But basically it will get better in time... you will start to see more clearly why it did not work and realize you do not want to be with someone who could hurt you so badly. There is life after love... you just need to give it time. You will have children but with someone right for you, or maybe you will adopt, or be a foster parent or something. These experiences challenge us to find hope again; to find beauty and meaning again. It will be hard... I spent months in a black hole... how did I know I hit rock bottom? I saw no future period and was planning my death. Today? I am beginning my career and realizing I dont need him. You need to take time and grieve... and it will be messy... it is like renovating a home... it needs to be a complete wreck before it can be beautiful again... and it won't be the same, but it will be beautiful and perfect for u.

It's tough. Really tough.
It feels like we've had our hearts ripped out of our chests, and yet our exes act like it's nothing
All I can say is--maybe they don't feel anything, or not much of anything, and if so, then really they're missing out. Why? If we can feel such deep pain, then we can also feel absolute joy and love. They can't. Sucks to be them!
((((((rudy))))))

I sometimes feel like love is completely irrational. Sometimes you love them more than they love you, and they leave you. Sometimes it's the other way around and you crush them. It feels like pain is inevitable for someone and it's best to just live happy without attachments.

You cope with this break by understanding that those ideas the two of you shared were little more than a word exercise to keep a feeling going that never had much more behind it. Unfortunately we all go through this phase of having to say goodbye to those dreams we chose to attach to these relationships. So when the relationships don't work, we have to say goodbye to more than just the one person. I understand. You feel like you lost a family you hadn't even had the chance to experience. But in dreaming about it, you feel like you lost kids that never had a chance to breath.

Well let me tell you they can breath still. In the eyes of another person, another child, another opportunity. Never say it is "too late". What you had a month ago is every bit as valid today. I don't know your age. You can be 55 or 25, it doesn't matter. Your dream is as obtainable as you want it to be. Be thankful you didn't have kids with this person, because she was not suitable for just the basic pressures of a one on one relationship. Think of how badly she would have handled two or three on one?

Life is 10% of what happens to us and 90% of how we handle it. This was not your last chance. This is now your first REAL chance to find someone who is actually appropriate for you. There is opportunity in your pain. You have options again. These kids don't have to be wasted words as they were with your ex. Take the knowledge and wisdom of what you learned from this experience and go find yourself a better partner. THAT is what you take from breakups. Be a little smarter. Be a little wiser. And take with you only the lessons. The dreams can live again still. You just have to know it's within your grasp if you will only believe in yourself. Those kids are rooting for you to make them real. Believe in yourself and go find that person who sees that dream as you do.

Your post brought tears to my eyes because I have been there, I spent the first 3 months post separation in a catatonic state of some kind, I was going through the motions of life. I got up , got dressed, feed the kids and dropped them at school, but when I got to work I just sat at my desk.

My parents moved in and I didn't even notice it, the were doing the groceries, cleaning the house etc.

But I did get through it, and slowly I started to come alive again.

Now one year later , I am a much stronger person that I ever was.

I won't sugar coat it for you, this is one of that hardest things you will ever go through. I wanted to die, I would pray at night that I just wouldn't wake up the next day.

But it does get better, and I can promise you that.