Lack of communication maybe? Not talking enough, some distrust?

Introvert marries extrovert? Highly active person marries couch potato? Independent person marries needy person? Cats marrying dogs!?!

Cat marrying dog? Could be. He is allergic to cats. Could explain a lot. ;)

Might be lack of communication. Or maybe too much. I should just be quiet now.

don't know but I would like to know the answer.

Hmmmm. Can they really not have any signs? can you really in your gut NOT know?

mamalace, what lily described was my experience. What you described is what I chose to ignore

In my case said spouse was in total denial of anything that was wrong, still is. I knew very well that I could not stand living one more day of miserable lonliness. The road out of this mess has been hellish beyond belief, but I am so glad I did it!

yeah,sounds like you are a trusting guy bancom.But thats what we are supposed to be able to do. Our mates are supposed to be the person we can trust the most.sadly, we are all here because we couldnt trust them to be there in the end ,no matter what path we each were on to get here. we have all been betrayed

I was a said spouse i guess cause I had no idea anything was wrong, she would say no honey that is ok, no honey i love you, you are the best husband in the world, lets buy a house together..........1 month later she said she felt numb and empty 2 months later she asked me for a divorce and here I am. Life is at step 1 all over again and I sure as F*** fought as hard as any human could to save the marriage, she did not care, she hurts and just wants it over......Will the pain just disapear for her? NO...and sure as hell not me, I would of done anything and have tried to get us to a stage of starting over and communicating, she just says no

The first spouse isn't having enough sex, the latter is just fine with the way that it is.

One content in his or her life willing to over look problems for the sake of the relationship.

The other already made up their mind scared to death to make that first leap into the unknown.

Damn Snoop, I married your wife's sister.

Sometimes it is just plain denial. My husband is the "unaware" one for sure. It\'s not like I haven\'t told him how unhappy I am. I once even sat him down and told him that not only wasn\'t I sure I loved him anymore, but I wasn\'t even sure I even liked him! No response. I\'ve gotten extremely angry many times and told him that I hate him. A year or two ago my daughter even told him that I\'d been thinking about divorce. No real response. We\'ll have a fight and by the next day or so he\'s acting as if nothing happened. He usually buys mushy love-type cards for occasions. He acts as if everything\'s fine for the most part. I know he\'s not really happy, but ...??? Denial. Fear. Avoidance. Maybe he feels safer the way it is than if we were to divorce (this is both of our second marriages), especially now that we\'re getting older (he turns 60 in Dec.). I don\'t know.

I think Kimasw got it right, Denial.

Thank you all for commenting. I wondered if anyone would have a different take on the situation. I believe it is two things, but it\'s not always so easy to figure out my husband, so who knows...

First, we have different expectations of what a marriage should be. His needs are met, and mine are not. I have these crazy ideas that married people spend time together and enjoy each other\'s company. Apparently, as long as a husband is having sex with his wife, there is no need to spend any other time with her.

Second, he is in denial. He believes that if he pretends he is happy, then all the problems magically go away. He actually said something to that effect to explain his happy mood.