Good question and good points. Some do have bad pickers or whatever, and yeah some people think its always the other person when In reality they need to take a good hard look at themselves.

Wind,

You can continue the cycle if you do not see the flags go up.
Some of us are caretaker, some are rescuers, some didnt see it coming at all.. I fall into two of these catagories,
That's is life and you know what they say? Lesson learned!
Good observation.

Too many variables! I think we all bring our good and bad to the table. Except in the case of abuse of any kind (drug, alcohol, physical)
I sometimes wonder if it's just a bad combination.

But then when read Pia Mellody's books, some of this bad behavior DOES have it's roots in childhood and abuses that occurred there. It's frustrating, because the ways people react to childhood abuse in adulthood is sometimes like clockwork. It takes great will to overcome some of those knee jerk reactions to situations in adulthood.

Im with Joe on this one, and yes, I fit into 2 of the categories he described too.

Sometimes....bad things happen to good people.

But...that doesnt mean I didnt play a role in it, because I sure did. My convictions to keep the marriage going and fighting for it caused even more damage and pain to both of us.

None of us are perfect, we are all wonderfully flawed in some way. Its when we chose to take our own inventory instead of everyone elses that the growth process really begins.

WC - I think, that sometimes, when someone has a low sense of value and worth, they can't respect anyone who is good to them because they think if you love THEM, there must be something wrong with YOU. In some ways, they are right; if we were fully healthy and loved ourselves, we probably wouldn't have chosen someone who didn't value themselves.

Raising both hands here!!!

I'm a bad picker but coming to realize something I am lacking that makes me keep picking the way I do.

I have found I pick people that need fixing (I need fixing myself and am working on it but...) I think clearly seeing they are worse than me boosts me in some way in the begining then we all know how the stories turn out!

Good people make me feel inferior, why is that? Why can't they inspire me to reach higher?

I agree with Jo and Wanna - yep, I've picked some doozies and it was all about my insecurity and lack of self-worth.

Lynne

Plus sorry ass people don't require a lot of effort on our part to make us feel better than them. Just a observation in my life. The few good choices I have made require more effort. Maybe I am just lazy and work it out in a twisted way??

Still working on me. One day I will get it, I hope

Excellent point Wanna...

*waves hand*

I intentionally choose bad men, but I know exactly why/

Will it stop me?

Nope. I'm a bit of a bonehead that way.

Do they have bad pickers? Or do they look for reasons to overlook the HUGE red flags slapping them in the face?

That and I swear that some people really like playing the victim, (daughter). Of course I wouldn't know anyone like that (daughter). And they never get any kind of a payoff (from son). And having the worst and most dramatic story to tell doesn't bring them any attention (from son).

And yes, I think a lot of these patterns are set early on by needs that are not met in childhood and parents that play into it (dream on little girl.... even your brother is catching on).

I absolutely have to agree with Jo... When someone has a low sense of value, from a previous relationship or what ever the issue may be and we love them... there must be something wrong with us? In turn maybe I did not see something that was hidden from me. When someone likes us and wants to be around us they hide things from us. When my exbf left after he told me he wasn't ready to be a father figure, he also pointed out that I didn't find anything wrong in our relationship. I thought this was odd because if anything was ever wrong we usually discussed it. So I can't see what certain situation he was trying to get me to pinpoint? We met through a friend, so we met in a very normal way. We were friends at first. Then we even discussed the risks of dating. (We have many of the same friends). We complimented each other well. I was skeptical of the age difference, but most of our friends wanted (the circle to be complete). Not realizing the mess it would make if we did broke up. So here we are, not together obviously...Otherwise I wouldn't be here and now I feel not only did I loose a lover but a very good friend also. Who ever he is holding in his arms today is a very lucky girl. I am very hurt and I don't know why of all days I decided to come out of my shell today?

So about picking the wrong person, I can't say that I did. I feel that he just wasn't ready for a serious relationship?

What Jo said in #5