Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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PinkArzora 10/31/2010

I'm curious where most of you stand on the shared holiday topic. On one hand I feel the ex forfeited his right to go trick-or-treating as a family, or share Thanksgiving, Christmas morn, etc.., by breaking off our marriage and having an affair. Am I being petty and vengeful to say, "Go ahead, take em by yourself trick or treating..." I know having him over for Thanksgiving might turn disasterous as we can't be nice to each other, yet I don't have a lot of family to cook for, so it'd be kinda empty without him. I just feel it'll hurt either way, but what is the appropriate way to behave under these circumstances? Should I try to get along and have him over for the children's sake, or should I punish him and tell him he's not welcome? I know he won't have plans, really, and would be alone for those days. It just hurts as it'll be a reminder of how we use to be a family and no longer are in that sense.

TSand 10/31/2010

There is no easy way through the holidays. In fact, it is probably you that will hurt the most either way. I didn't want my ex-wife near me as I could not treat her nicely and we fought miserably. Even now, three years later, I don't want to see her. Have the kids (20 year old twins) been hurt by the divorce? Of course they have. Could it have been avoided? Hell if I know. I did the best I could. I have to take care of me first, then I can take care of them and lastly I consider the difficulties that my ex has, as she was the one who fostered the situation.

MsBlank1 10/31/2010

This is a time to create new traditions!
I am alone and graciously stepped aside for my ex to have his way on the holidays with our grown children. I made new traditions of eating at a buffet with a few loner friends on our own time frame ( no reservations needed at a buffet). I celebrate Christmas after New Years so our children/grandkids don't have to pick households to celebrate at ....hint...Christmas shopping after New Years allows you to get some great bargains AND my kids aren't rushed to get back home to prepare for Christmas morning which makes their visits with me longer and it helps with post holiday let down! The other perk is I get to sleep in on Christmas morning and all the other holidays as the pressure is off for me. My traditions on Thanksgiving and Christmas is to pull out some of my favorite movies ( While You Were Sleeping) and stay in my jammies all day if I want and not feel guilty about it!
The possibilities are endless!
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

lbcvt 10/31/2010

as far as I am concerned - the selfish rat bastard can figure out on his own what to do for the holidays. He's not trick/treating with us, he'll can have thanksgiving however he wants with them - after thanksgiving, perhaps Friday or Saturday. Sames goes for any of the other holidays. He wanted to live alone - so he can take the consequences of that.
It would be too hurtful to me and just be pretending for the kids if I let him have a meal with us as if we were a family still.

deleted_user 10/31/2010

My exhusband and I share everything. Christmas is divided in half, Christmas Eve with me and my German family (we celebrate on Eve, not morning), Christmas morning with his family. Hallowe'en I shelled out at my exhusband's place while he took our young son out. Thanksgiving falls on a 3 day weekend, so my small family accommodates my exhusband's very large family and we either eat on the Sunday or the Monday. Whenever I've taken my son traveling over the holidays I always make sure he gets a chance to celebrate with my exhusband's family before we take off. It has always worked out just fine for everyone involved and I don't think any of us have ever felt they were getting the raw end of any deal.

patti22 10/31/2010

Every divorce situation is different and everyone finds a way to split the holidays differently.

I don't have any extended family, so I let my ex take the kids and go back to visit with his.

I also work as an aide, and hopefully will one day work as a nurse, so I often work the holidays.

The LAST thing that I'd be OK with doing is having him over here and sharing the holiday, but I know some situatiions where people actually do that! Of course their breakups were pretty civil and they've all become a sort of extended family to each other.

I agree with MsBlank, you'll find a way to create your own new traditions. It's very hard the first year, but gets better and better after that.

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