Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
My own paraphrase from "boundaries in marriage" I highly encourage everyone to get their hands on this book!!!
did you know boundaries are not something you set on another person, but what you set on yourself?
When you build a fence around a yard, you aren't doing it to set boundaries for your neighbor, but to protect yourself and maintain control of what hapens on your own premesis. You can take control of yourself and not allow yourself to be controlled or hurt anymore. Self control serves love, not selfishness.
Your words or lack of them define you to another person.
Not being truthful to one another gives a false impression of where we are as well as WHO we are. People in denial are deaf to words of truth. They only respond to pain and loss and some spouses need severe consequences such as separtion. consequences show whaere our boundaries lie.
Some of us deal with moody spouses, and sometimes we revolve our family around our spouse's mood and walk on eggshells for fear of setting him/her off. Sometimes our spouse will give nothing but anger, be selfish and withdrawl love from us and sometimes emotionally shut down and then eventually leave the relationship which totally hurts us the ones who are trying to make the other feel better, howeverwe put the burden on us, feeling like we are responcible for our spouse's feelings and moodiness....as the book says while our spouse "plays, we pay" and because we are taking the responcibility for thier emotions, they're basically being babied in a sense and for that matter won't change it because we're taking care of the problem.
It is an act of love to allow our spouse reap the effects of their selfishness or irresponcibility, unless we are doing it out of revenge or desiring to see him/her suffer. But sometimes we have to stop "rescuing" them by not giving into their tantrums, or sacrificing to pay an unneccesary debt they got themselves in, calling them into work the next day cus their too drunk to go in etc. Sometimes they need to be accountable for their own acts of stupidity. We need to avoid taking ownership of our spouse's lives. We are responcible TO each other but not FOR each other :)
did you know boundaries are not something you set on another person, but what you set on yourself?
When you build a fence around a yard, you aren't doing it to set boundaries for your neighbor, but to protect yourself and maintain control of what hapens on your own premesis. You can take control of yourself and not allow yourself to be controlled or hurt anymore. Self control serves love, not selfishness.
Your words or lack of them define you to another person.
Not being truthful to one another gives a false impression of where we are as well as WHO we are. People in denial are deaf to words of truth. They only respond to pain and loss and some spouses need severe consequences such as separtion. consequences show whaere our boundaries lie.
Some of us deal with moody spouses, and sometimes we revolve our family around our spouse's mood and walk on eggshells for fear of setting him/her off. Sometimes our spouse will give nothing but anger, be selfish and withdrawl love from us and sometimes emotionally shut down and then eventually leave the relationship which totally hurts us the ones who are trying to make the other feel better, howeverwe put the burden on us, feeling like we are responcible for our spouse's feelings and moodiness....as the book says while our spouse "plays, we pay" and because we are taking the responcibility for thier emotions, they're basically being babied in a sense and for that matter won't change it because we're taking care of the problem.
It is an act of love to allow our spouse reap the effects of their selfishness or irresponcibility, unless we are doing it out of revenge or desiring to see him/her suffer. But sometimes we have to stop "rescuing" them by not giving into their tantrums, or sacrificing to pay an unneccesary debt they got themselves in, calling them into work the next day cus their too drunk to go in etc. Sometimes they need to be accountable for their own acts of stupidity. We need to avoid taking ownership of our spouse's lives. We are responcible TO each other but not FOR each other :)
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My 6mo twin DD's are EBF and just started rice cereal on the first. Everything has been going fine except this morning one of them had a diaper rash (lots of redness around her anus). I read this as one of the signs of an allergy. BUT I did just buy a different brand diaper yesterday (which they have used randomly before w/no issues). Do you think its the cereal or the diaper? Im ready to start...
how did you come to find it? was it recommended by a friend?