Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Being the child of an alcoholic adds a nasty little twist to ones life. Everyone represses feelings at different times during their lives because those feelings are hard to deal with. When you learn that nifty little skill as a child you become really good at it. Fortunately I found that out pretty early in life and have since learned to recognize the signs that I'm repressing something that is too painful to face. When I see the signs I focus on my feelings to get to the bottom of it. As I do that I can feel it coming to the surface. It can take days or weeks. But as it's bubbling up and getting closer I get more and more anxious. That's the feeling I've had for a few weeks now and it's been getting stronger over the past few days.
When it comes out, like it did at 2:00 this morning, it's like a nagging thought in the back of your head that won't go away. When you're laying in bed with no alternative but to think about it, it all comes spilling out onto your pillow. It took a few hours of physically gut wrenching realizations, but it's out. Finally.
So what is so horrible? What hurts so much? The funny thing is, I've said it before in a post but I never let myself feel it. I found someone who I believed was as close to a soul mate as you could find. Perfect for me in every way. I fell hard and fast and knew that was it for me forever. I have a folder full of emails that would make any womans knees buckle. They were written after he had fallen out of love with me. Which means he lied for 4 months before he finally broke and told me. When he finally did tell me he said that when he was on leave for two weeks and came home he realized he didn't have that spark anymore. I remember asking how he felt when we saw each other at the airport and hugged each other. (and heres where everything got shoved to the back of my mind) His answer "Awkward". That has got to be the most painful word I've heard in my life. The feeling I had when I saw him and the feeling I had when I held him after 7 months of being separated was so incredible. I cried right there in the middle of the airport. I held on so tight. Then we made love for 2 weeks so often my kids hardly got to see him. It made the separation all worth it just to spend those 2 weeks with him. And he felt awkward. That's just fuckin' lovely. So he goes back to start another 6 month training course and sends me all these incredible love letters of how he would marry me all over again, and missed me and loved me more than his own life. Obviously it was all lies. It doesn't matter if he was lying to himself or lying to me. And so, if he could lie to either or both of us for 4 months why would I believe anything he ever said? I don't believe he ever loved me.
I'm over him. I've moved on. I'm happy. But I gotta tell you the realization that I loved someone so deeply and never did receive the same in return is incredibly painful to deal with. Sometimes something doesn't feel real until you tell someone about it. I did that. Can I please stop crying and go to sleep now?
When it comes out, like it did at 2:00 this morning, it's like a nagging thought in the back of your head that won't go away. When you're laying in bed with no alternative but to think about it, it all comes spilling out onto your pillow. It took a few hours of physically gut wrenching realizations, but it's out. Finally.
So what is so horrible? What hurts so much? The funny thing is, I've said it before in a post but I never let myself feel it. I found someone who I believed was as close to a soul mate as you could find. Perfect for me in every way. I fell hard and fast and knew that was it for me forever. I have a folder full of emails that would make any womans knees buckle. They were written after he had fallen out of love with me. Which means he lied for 4 months before he finally broke and told me. When he finally did tell me he said that when he was on leave for two weeks and came home he realized he didn't have that spark anymore. I remember asking how he felt when we saw each other at the airport and hugged each other. (and heres where everything got shoved to the back of my mind) His answer "Awkward". That has got to be the most painful word I've heard in my life. The feeling I had when I saw him and the feeling I had when I held him after 7 months of being separated was so incredible. I cried right there in the middle of the airport. I held on so tight. Then we made love for 2 weeks so often my kids hardly got to see him. It made the separation all worth it just to spend those 2 weeks with him. And he felt awkward. That's just fuckin' lovely. So he goes back to start another 6 month training course and sends me all these incredible love letters of how he would marry me all over again, and missed me and loved me more than his own life. Obviously it was all lies. It doesn't matter if he was lying to himself or lying to me. And so, if he could lie to either or both of us for 4 months why would I believe anything he ever said? I don't believe he ever loved me.
I'm over him. I've moved on. I'm happy. But I gotta tell you the realization that I loved someone so deeply and never did receive the same in return is incredibly painful to deal with. Sometimes something doesn't feel real until you tell someone about it. I did that. Can I please stop crying and go to sleep now?
it is his loss that he did not allow his love for you to deepen at that point. sooner or later, every man reaches that point and has to cross the bridge.
it was not you at all. it was his unwillingness to grow further. maybe eventually he will with another woman. who knows. but, that isn't your problem. your job is to find a man who is already at that level and can truly love you deeply.
Just try to look forward to the day when you don't feel like crying anymore. It'll be here before you know it. I've gotten to a point to where it almost feels like she doesn't exist anymore. And I wish I could pinpoint the thing that made me get to that point. But seriously, it just happened. It kind of worries me because I feel like I should still be a wreck, and I'm not. But I know something is bound to come up and break me back apart. But all we can do is hold on, and hope that this will eventually pass. Good luck and take care.
Faithful, my job is to find a man who loves himself so I don't have to be the one to make him feel like he's worth it. He wasn't ever at any level of love. He only loved the feeling I gave him. He needs someone to make him feel loved because he doesn't feel good about himself. He never loved me as a person, just needed someone to reassure him and praise him. I'm so damn good at that. I think that's where my problem has been with most of my relationships. I provide what a lot of people are missing and they are drawn to that.
My job is to find someone who is confident and self assured.