Well, the girl my X cheated on me with was only two years younger, and had a two year degree while I have a four. Looks wise, she's isn't ugly, per se, I'm just prettier. Um...I'm smarter and funnier, but it's not hard to be better than someone with the personality of a wet paper bag. She was also married and had two kids, so that kind of adds the white trash element...hmmm...I guess he did trade down.

Well, thank god I have self esteem and know how to speak my mind, or I'd really be in bad shape.

The real question is: Why didn't we know they were this stupid when we married them?

That's exactly what I mean, it's like they always trade down and never up. I think maybe they were exactly that stupid and we were just blinded by love and didn't see it until we were forced to. My theory anyway!

I second that...however...once you get "out there" and you find your own way, you will be pleasantly surprised by the possibilities. Plus, how realisitic is it that a 30 yr old woman will have much in common, or happiness, with a 22 year old boy?

Mine went for someone who shares his culture and language her looks are what he likes as for her personality, well maybe they match there too. By his own admission she's 6 years younger than he is and has slept with dozens of men including both his brothers and some of his cousins! She is a user of men drives a great convertible but has no job? Even knowing her history he was hurt and mad when someone told him what she was doing behind his back! Sad isn't it?

I wonder why trading down is such a hot thing to do! Maybe because they subconsciously know they can't do better, I don't know I'm no psychologist!

It's like I told my X with regards to his new girlfriend (who is NOT the Ow) "As long as she's nice to my kid, doesn't let him call her Mom, and is at least somewhat equal to the caliber of woman you were married to and not the one you cheated with, then, I'm happy for you, good luck."

Look, he cheated...but I didn't put 12 years into someone to have him date a hot mess around my son. I'd like to think SOME of the standards I have rubbed off on him...hahaha

those that try to be more then they are, will always trade down so they can be comfortable at their own level...

how strange, mine traded me in for a no job, no car, no license and bald weird lookin dude. At least he has the sense not to try to talk to me..
it must be that he makes her feel better about her self, I accepted a lot, because I loved her. I can see that didn't pay off and what she really wanted was a drinking buddy she could look down on..
What ever..

Now I am wondering what this says about me? We're my standards too low when I was with him? What on earth was he doing with me in the first place? The thing with the female version of himself sure didn't last, when you know you can trust the other person because they think exactly like you, I guess you get what you deserve!

Yeah...I couldn't believe the OW that my ex told me he was "in love with" a couple of years ago--I thought to myself, "He has horrible taste"--and then I realized that was kind of an insult to myself, LOL. So, I just don't get it...

I don't think it's as much "trading down" as it is trading out. Some see it as being so bad with the other person that anything is better than what they had. In addition, there's a lot of internal connect points not seen by anyone but the two in the relationship. You can't account for these as the outsider, looking in.

Well, my ex moved in with a girl 30 days after we separated. He went through a few and then impregnated his current GF and baby momma.

For him, it seemed to be getting into a relationship- any relationship.
I hope for his sake (and their little boy) the current one works out.

But I'm sort of selfishly glad that I'm a lot hotter than she is ;)

They want different. If they wanted someone as smart, as attractive, as whatever as their current partner, they'd stay with the current partner.

Kicking back and comparing is an exercise in futility. Maybe they flip burgers but can speak 6 languages. The other person is just that - another person. Not a better...worse....just different filling a different need.

You know I'm not full of myself or think my stuff smells like roses but I know I definitely have more to offer physically and emotionally than the 22 year old my wife left me for. Seriously what can a burger flipper who's never experienced the world offer?

You are quite peeved he flips burgers? I mean, at least he has a job.

It's like the other poster said...whatever he offers is different from you or anyone else. If they wanted exactly what they had in us, they would have stayed.

Even without the cheating, I know my X and I are so fundamentally different that cheating just made it worse, but the problems were still there, regardless.