My sister had the same situation in year 7. She told him they could either go to relationship counseling to resolve the commitment issue, or she was going to walk. They did counseling, and are now married with a kid. But I also know other women that had to walk after waiting and waiting and waiting.

Start asking questions to try and find out why he's dragging his feet. Is it fear? Money problems? He's just too comfortable with the current arrangement?

I just feel like really left behind if that makes sense. I see all of my friends progressing in their relationships and they haven't been together as long as we have. I know they look at me and think I'm dumb for staying with someone who hasn't made any committment to me. It's not that I am so focused on everyone else I just want the same things and I've wanted them so long.

I did bring up relationship counseling and he didn't take me seriously.

I think he is just too comfortable with how things are and I can't imagine how he would be because I'm very unhappy with how things are. We both have a major fear of change and my fear is probably worse but I want things to change. He actually has a decent amount of money and is always talking about wanting to buy random things like a vacation condo or random things. I wouldn't even care if he went to a discount store and bought me a fake ring for a dollar. I just want a symbol of committment.

Would he possibly take you more seriously if you wrote him your issues? I know it's easier to brush off something that someone says verbally than if it is written.

I would try to make it clear that you want security from him, and that you feel hurt and like your needs aren't being acknowledged by him by his not progressing toward a permanent future with you. And if you're getting close to the age of not being able to have kids, heck, bring that up. It DOES matter. Tell him that you are ready to settle down. If he's a commitment phobe, though, he may run. Then you have your answer.

Really, you can keep coasting in this, or give him an ultimatum "Make up your mind or go to counseling with me by X date". But then be ready to walk if he doesn't step up.

Of course, I'm assuming you're mid 20s or beyond. If not, then this likely won't work out anyway.

you haven't shown him where he would be better off being married yet. it sounds to me like he does not have enough faith in you to fully commit.

plus 7 years is about the time the blush has left the bloom
married or not
the honeymoon phase is LONG over

if it were me, i'd either get used to things staying exactly the way they are

or

if being married and having a family is very important i'd start preparing myself mentally to break up and move on

Hi Bell: Lets talk. You have not had a truthful inner dialogue with yourself about all this. And its past time. Lets run down some points for you:

--You want marriage because your friends are progressing in their relationships . . . and theyll look at you. . . as dumb. Thats a reason for marriage? Thats a NO in the column of Good Reasons for Marriage. You dont run your life by what your friends do or think. Teenage girls come up with dumbbut adults function beyond that level and you have to also. This isnt your friends lifeit is the lives of you and your boyfriend and any kids you may eventually bring into the world. This is major.

--You mentioned the story of someone living with another for 10 years, them leaving and she was alone. Have you read this board at all? This board is all about relationships and marriages that have broken up. No relationship or marriage is guaranteed to last forever. Any relationship or marriage takes 100 percent work on both sides in order to make it work. When one stops that, it puts strain on the other and problems start to crop up. To me, thats a NO in the column of Good Reasons for Marriage.

--It was suggested you put your issues in writing to him. Communication between the parties is essential and that is sitting down and talking things over and not e-mailing or texting or writing your issues to him. If you have to do that, then you lack good communication between the parties already. Its another NO in the column of Good Reasons for Marriage.

You said you are very unhappy with how things are and you feel he doesnt care. Thats another NO in the column of Good Reasons for Marriage. Things dont get better with a paper certificate.

Its time to have The Big Talk with him about the future of your present relationship and potential future relationship. You have to explain that you are unhappy right now and why. You want to explain that you feel he doesnt care.

I suggest that both of you go into pre-marital counseling, not to get married but to help both of you understand what each of you should be putting into this partnership and it should be a partnership. Mayo Clinic has a site below that explains Pre-Marital counseling and at the very left has three other areas to click on to find out even more about it.

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/premarital-counseling/MY00951

If he refuses to go, then that is a huge NO in the marriage column and a huge NO in the will this relationship last much longer. I wish you the best and many hugs.

AsTimeGoesBy - Thank you for that link on pre-marital counseling! It was very insight and seems like a great idea.

As far as the friends comment. It's not that I want those things because I see my friends and his friends getting married and making commitments. It's more of a jealousy on my part. I just always thought we were heading in that direction and as the time passes I feel like it's never going to be me. My close friends all know how important gettting married in the future is to me. I'm probably the one who has spent the most time discussing that with them so since I've been longing for an commitment and not getting it , they probably feel sorry for me because they know how much I want it and they just think that he isn't going to commit to me because he hasn't already if that makes sense.

As far as my fear of being with him for 10 years and not ever getting married is more or less like what if I'm wasting my time?

Utterpain - I probably should gather my thoughts and write everything down and have a conversation with him. Whenever we are talking these things it's easy to get side tracked.

Even to get engaged and stay engaged for a couple of years would be perfect.

If getting married is so important to you, just set a time limit.for him to propose and set a date and if he doesn't, just try and find someone else.
You can only change yourself, you can't change other people, and it sounds like he just doesn't want what you want. 7 years is enough time spent on someone if being married is what is important to you.
It sounds like when he is talking about future stuff with you, he is giving you lip service.

Hmmm.

Sounds like you want him with conditions. For some reason these opposite conditions matter to both you and he, and yet you still persist in the relationship. Why is that? It sounds like it's a strong desire, not a condition of continuance.

I'd get to the bottom of why he doesn't want to marry you. ASK him why he's being resistant. And TELL him why it's important to you.

Guessing games suck.

Just putting this out there: are you in love with the IDEA of marriage and family, or are you in love with HIM? If you truly love somebody, then a piece of paper really shouldn't matter. You show your commitment to each other by being there for each other. There are plenty of married people who aren't there for each other. No piece of paper changes that.

I do agree that 7 years is a long enough time to get to know someone. As long as you are both out of school, have good jobs and a steady income without a ton of debt, then it makes sense to take the next step. But the only way to move forward is to have an honest conversation with him about what you want and why. If he won't listen or makes light of your feelings, then you have your answer.

I think many times we get so caught up in the length of our relationship that it just seems better to keep plugging along hoping it will all work out because of the investment of time we've put into the relationship already. Sometimes relationships burn out and they're just done. 7 years is enough time to know whether or not you want to spend what's supposed to be the rest of your life with this person. However, you don't need a piece of paper to make that commitment.

Hi Bell: I saw the pre-marital counseling used on Dr. Phil so long ago and it made me research it much more. You can get religious pre-marital counseling or non-religious pre-marital counseling. I saw it as a way to begin living together or in a marriage and understand each other better, but have tools to work more successfully with that relationship.

By all means write a list of what you want to discuss with him and that's a good way to make sure you don't forget anything. It will also help to get your side across clearly. Good luck. Prayers and hugs.