I've had those same thoughts but unfortunately I haven't been able to find answers that have helped me. I know everyone heals at different paces and so it can be tough to think that we should be better by a certain time. As I have been trying to heal, I have wondered why it seems like God hasn't been answering my prayers but ultimately perhaps they are being answered in ways I haven't discovered yet. I know the bad days can really feel horrible and depression can suck the life out of you. People often use the expression "one day at a time" but in reality, I think sometimes it should be "one moment at a time" as the day can seem to drag on forever. Sending you positive vibes!

Based on your other post, it sounds like you stay in abusive relationships out of the fear that you will be alone and lonely if you leave.

The challenge here is how to take care of you and keep you safe mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically and financially. A qualified therapist with specialized training in recovery from abuse would be really helpful. (Not all therapists, including psychiatrists, have this training, nor do they even understand the dynamics and affects of abuse.)

The thing about being in an abusive/toxic/dysfunctional relationship is that we are still very much alone - way more alone than we are when we live alone!!

If where you live has a women's shelter, please contact them for help in getting out of your current relationship SAFELY. In the U.S. most shelters offer free group sessions to help.

I doubt this is really about god. As the god I understand wouldn't want you to be hurt. But, its up to you to take care of yourself. God gave each of us our body, brain and inner knowing. It's up to each of us to take care of ourselves first & foremost.

A very wise therapist once told me that in order to have a healthy relationship with another person, we must first have that with ourselves. I agree.

If your psychiatrist isn't guiding you to take back your power and go within and love and respect yourself, please consider getting a different therapist. Therapy should be helping you get back in touch with yourself so you trust your inner knowing above all others as well as help you rebuild your self esteem and make a plan to overcome your feelings of loneliness. That plan would start with loving yourself and finding things you enjoy. It would also include things you can do to begin to socialize when the time is right. In the meantime, there are lots of things you can do to be around people in a safe way.

Here is a wonderful video on how to be alone. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7X7sZzSXYs

Please remember that it takes much longer to heal from abusive relationships than it does 'normal' relationships. And, time alone, will NOT heal abusive wounds. That takes inner work which is best done with a therapist who specializes in recovery from trauma & abuse.

~healing hugs~

PS, There is a great DS group that you might find helpful.
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Physical-Emotional-Abuse/support-group

Thanks for the replies. I am indeed fear of being lonely and in denial that this relationship will somehow work out which is not, obviously. Whenever I want to cut him off for good, there will be thoughts of reminiscing the good times with him and make it hard for me to let go. I know it is unhealthy but depression and those riduculous thoughts just eat me up day by day. I wish I don't need to drag it till next year

I feel the same way you do Pling. Getting to the point just can't take it anymore. I am starting cousling next week and seeing my DR this week to try and cope with everything but the day to day and hour by hour just sucks the life right out of you. I never wanted to be alone and still don't that part scares me the most to know after 25 years going to be alone while she is with someone else just tears me up. Good luck

Stubub, I totally feel you. We have already realized the problem, it is just the first step that is so hard. Today, he lingered in my mind again. I've tried to distract it from work, which kinda help but whenever I am alone, all those memories crept up. However, I refuse to contact him no matter what. Counseling will be helpful for you, I am undergoing it too and on medication as well. It helps me to sleep at night and I take it whenever I am having anxiety attack.
My Christmas wish and new year resolution would be to be able to move on for good. I hope the same for you too

Thank you Pling I hope it can be merry. merry Christmas to you as well and good luck.

Stubub, next year will be a better year, good luck to you too