Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
So this sucks. I had been doing well since Friday afternoon. I was actually starting to feel good about moving on. And I was able to make sense ofthe feelings I was having. And the things I was reading here were really starting to make sense. But by Saturday afternoon, I could feel it all slipping away.
I had to get my oil changed so while that was going on, I walked around the mall and I was going to get new clothes (because of all the weight I lost from exercising). And I kept seeing all these stores she liked to shop at and I started to feel sick. But I tried to tell myself that it was stupid to feel that way because she is not the only girl that shops there and whoever I meet in the future might have the same kind of clothes and I can't help that. And then I started thinking about her job and how much of what she does is all around me (hard to explain without giving specifics, still want a little anonymity) and it's like she has "infected" the city we work in. And I want to move as far away as I can.
So I went to stay with my parents because being with my family helps but it wasn't working like it was before. And reading stuff from here wasn't helping. And by the time I went to bed, I was back to how I was before. Miserable, hurt, and having that horrible feeling in my stomach.
I want her to wake up and realize what she is giving up. And I hate that her "waking up" is actually her realizing that I am not the one for her. I hate that I have to suffer for her mistakes. For her not knowing if her feelings for me were real or not. Because I know my feelings for her are real. I just wish I knew why I had to go through this, or why any of us have to go through this. I just want to breakdown, even though I know it won't change a thing. It's getting harder to find things to look forward to. It really is. The good days are so far away, and I'm getting tired of walking to them. But I know I don't want to stay in this bad place because it's not the place to be, and yet I can't make the miserable feeling stop. I want it to be over. I want it to be a year or two later. Help and prayers are appreciated.
I had to get my oil changed so while that was going on, I walked around the mall and I was going to get new clothes (because of all the weight I lost from exercising). And I kept seeing all these stores she liked to shop at and I started to feel sick. But I tried to tell myself that it was stupid to feel that way because she is not the only girl that shops there and whoever I meet in the future might have the same kind of clothes and I can't help that. And then I started thinking about her job and how much of what she does is all around me (hard to explain without giving specifics, still want a little anonymity) and it's like she has "infected" the city we work in. And I want to move as far away as I can.
So I went to stay with my parents because being with my family helps but it wasn't working like it was before. And reading stuff from here wasn't helping. And by the time I went to bed, I was back to how I was before. Miserable, hurt, and having that horrible feeling in my stomach.
I want her to wake up and realize what she is giving up. And I hate that her "waking up" is actually her realizing that I am not the one for her. I hate that I have to suffer for her mistakes. For her not knowing if her feelings for me were real or not. Because I know my feelings for her are real. I just wish I knew why I had to go through this, or why any of us have to go through this. I just want to breakdown, even though I know it won't change a thing. It's getting harder to find things to look forward to. It really is. The good days are so far away, and I'm getting tired of walking to them. But I know I don't want to stay in this bad place because it's not the place to be, and yet I can't make the miserable feeling stop. I want it to be over. I want it to be a year or two later. Help and prayers are appreciated.
I want him to wake up too, I want him to change his mind and come back and I feel like every single day is pushing us further and further away.
"The good days are so far away, and I'm getting tired of walking to them. But I know I don't want to stay in this bad place because it's not the place to be, and yet I can't make the miserable feeling stop." - this describes my situation exactly but I keep thinking that it is no longer under my control. My ex has made his choice, at least for now, and there is no amount of intervention from me that could change this. It is simply outside my control what he does. What IS under my control is what I DO. Not what I FEEL, but what I do. So I must do things to distract myself from what I feel. I can't do this all day, but 2-3 hours a day would be nice. I went to the park today with a friend and we talked and I let her share her problems and refused to talk about mine again (she knows the drill) and for 1 hour I no longer felt that I wanted to die.
You have to remember that this is like a rollercoaster ride. You're up and you're down and up again and down again and up. Just like any ride, it will have an ending, and you'll be able to walk on you own feet and see things clearly again.
I'm sorry it hurts so much. It doesn't seem fair. I feel lucky that I don't live in my house right now or the area we lived together. I have a hard time going back there. I feel all the things you mentioned when i do. I think it takes a bit longer to get over when you have to live in a constant reminder. I have a friend whose husband died 7 years ago. She hated being in her house because of all the reminders but she couldn't move. Eventually she turned her home into her own space and got rid of all of his things. She just finally got rid of his last piece of clothing a week ago. It's kind of interesting being around her through this. She is so happy on her own now she can't imagine living with anyone again, even her husband who she adored. I can remember that too before I met my stbx. We'll all get there eventually.
(((HUGS)))
Hugs to you.
Lynne
But she told me I wasn't a failure and that she was proud of me and that made me feel better. I knew it in my head but I couldn't get my heart to believe it. There is a line in a song I like that I have to keep saying to myself: "I could be so much more than this"
And I just have to believe it too. Thanks again everyone.
As painful as it is for us all, it's so encouraging to know that we all have the same experience, because it's a reminder that we are not doomed to always feeling this way.
Your mom sounds wonderful. My mom is too. Thank god for our family & friends who are helping us get thru this. And for this forum, because without it, this would be a LOT harder...
(((Hugs)))
It seems like the first time you encounter any little reminder it hurts like a fresh dagger. I think over time it dulls though. But It takes a long time before you've experienced each one.
Not to be down though, but it will get better. You will get stronger against it and your heart will start to protect itself.
Feeling like a failure is the worst part too...I know it. But you are NOT a failure. It's easy to let things seem pointless right now, but there IS a point. Loving is not pointless, ever.
I wish I could make time speed up too, but I guess that's how God makes us deal with some things, time is slow for a reason. I don't even know you and I can tell you are a good man. Keep that heart beating even when it hurts, it will do good again even though it doesn't feel good right now.
Well I can go on and on about helping get out of the regression. My life has been nothing but positive since I moved on. Do I think about him, sometimes. Do I miss him, no. Do I have regrets, absolutely not. It is his loss. Remember, you are worth it and dont let anyone tell you different.
Good Luck. Hugs and prayers.
CLOSURE is not something you "get" from another person. It is something you arrive at ALL BY YOURSELF.
SPilgrim10:
Over on the Divorce After 20+ Years group, we preach NO CONTACT for anyone going through separation and divorce. Time and distance are necessary for us to work through our grief and to detach from the ones who left us. It's painful at times. It hurts. We ask ourselves the same redundant question -- Why? Why? Why? to which we will never have the full answer.
NO CONTACT and avoiding emotional triggers are the prescription for healing and moving forward. You express that your family is helpful in making you feel connected and "ok." That's a good thing! Consider yourself lucky as a lot of us found ourselves kicked to the curb wth no family close by or still living!
I will hold BOTH OF YOU in my thoughts and prayers.