Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Hello all
I am new to the group and looking for a place to share.
My BF left me 3 weeks ago. We where together for 2 years and where going to get married this year. We had been facing a ton of pressure circumstancailly but still very much in love.
He called t quits saying he didn’t have the strength to face all we had to overcome. Our break up was loving.
I am finding myself completely unable to face the truth and I am holding on for dearly life and texting him saying I will wait for him as he works on his issues and still want to be his wife. When I move forward in any direction that points to moving on to a life with out him I lose my mind a little and text him.
He was my everything and I let him into places of my heart that I had never opened up prior and I believed he was my person and am falling apart.
This is my response...
I don't think it is so much that "men move on so quickly", but perhaps that women hang on so. fucking. long. Holding on to the threads of a relationship that has gone its course with the hopes of sewing it back together.
This is especially true in dating situations. The guy sees that the relationship just isn't working, breaks things off and moves on the find someone with whom things do work. Maybe men are more pragmatic.
Women seem to idealize a man or a relationship and when things don't work -
because some things aren't meant to be - they redouble their efforts to make it work. Which only serves to reinforce the guys notion that the relationship just isn't the one for him.
While men are planning an exit strategy, women are doubling-down on happily ever after.
ETA: After reading sad4tolong's response, I'm going to amend my opinion to say that with such relationships, one party (male or female) overlooks the writing on the wall or the red flags, blindly clinging to their idea of "relationship", ever trying to analyze and figure out what THEY should do to make it work. It is my FIRM belief that relationships shouldn't be so difficult or require so much effort to be successful. And if a relationship requires so much stress, drama and effort to "fix", the relationship is defective from the get-go.
It is telling that you seem to be moving away from him in a healthy manner, but then when you realize that forward motion, you seem to freak out that the idealized "happily ever after" isn't happening. You go into that panic mode of "OMG, my dream isn't going to come true" instead of looking to see if maybe the relationship is just a young woman's dream and not based in reality.
I made an active choice to let go of the dream. Today and it felt good and relieving. This response helps confirm that it is time to stop being insane and heal to be happy. The relationship was not what I needed and it sucked to face that.