Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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Rose130 10/05/2016

3 weeks ago I broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years. From the start I could tell it was going to be a rocky relationship. There were a lot of mind games and manipulation but for some reason I stayed in the relationship. We would talk once every one or two weeks and now that I can see a bit clearly, we never really connected as a couple. There was very little intimacy and the little that was there was for his benefit. I took a lot of verbal and mental abuse but I would still go back after taking a short break from him. Many times I "broke" it off with him but would find myself still going back after a month or two. He was always very uncomfortable around my friends and he also made them uncomfortable. One close friend described him as conniving but of course I ignored all this. I finally reached my breaking point a few weeks back and told him to pack his things and leave after spending a weekend together. I was doing well with moving on until I found out that he is now exclusively dating someone else after breaking up for 3 weeks. I know I shouldn't be angry but it makes me mad that he could move on so fast. I keep wondering if he started this new relationship when we were still together and maybe that's why we were never able to connect. Thanks for letting me vent and hoping you can put some sense in my head because all I'm remembering now are the good times and forgetting the crazy

tynee5511 10/05/2016

My ex did the very same thing to me he moved on in less than 2 weeks and I don't know about you but when someone does something like that it speaks volumes to the character of the person that they are for him to move on so freely and so fast I wouldn't worry about him anymore you've done enough running back and forth and if there is no real mental or physical connect maybe you're just being a little co dependent and I know that's hard to break away from it took me 6 years but I knew that he wasn't good for me so I knew that he will be with someone immediately after we broke up and that was okay with me because I accept the fact that he is not right for me I hope that you can do the same. It's hard but once you start putting yourself first and stop thinking about all the other small things you will slowly be able to move on and see that you're worth so much more

Rose130 10/05/2016

Thanks tynee5511 for the reality check. I needed that. It helps to see it from someone else's perspective. Trying really hard to concentrate on me

Tonell18 10/05/2016

Chances are if he's already in a "committed realtionship" in such a short time that relationship was already in the works.
You did what was best for you, know that. You'll miss the time you guys spent together but deep down you knew to yourself it wasn't right for you.

tynee5511 10/05/2016

Just allow yourself one day at a time sometimes we let our emotions outrun our mind and Common Sense if you take your time you'll find that you won't be doing that as much. Big hugs and just remember that you are first

UghFeelings 10/06/2016

Hi Rose130,

Hope your night has gotten a little better. Our experience seems somewhat similar, although my ex began dating a co-worker 4 months after we broke up. I definitely felt okay, until I found out that he's exclusively dating, and that really put me in a tail-spin. It really hurt that he seemed to move on, and I definitely just kept thinking about the "good times", and not really recognize the bad, or give it the same weight. Wish we could take the emotional part out of the thought process, because if we really were able to just see the facts, things would be much easier. Thinking about whether or not he began the relationship isn't going to do you any good - if he did, that says a lot about his character. If he didn't, three weeks is pretty fast after a 5 year relationship, so there's always the chance that it's a rebound relationship. Regardless, why are we wasting time thinking about them, and not expending that energy on ourselves? Guess that's why I chose the username Ugh Feelings ;)

Rose130 10/06/2016

Guys thanks so much for the kind words and support. Means a lot

aj2124 10/07/2016

I think it is natural to question what was happening behind the scenes after finding out they are dating another person. But eventually, your curiosity and interest will die down, at least that is what has been true for me. Invest that energy in understanding your reasons for staying and what kind of healing needs to be done. What are the good times you find yourself stuck on? That may help you see what needs you were attempting to fill with this relationship. To be honest, I didn't have a firm grasp of how truly distorted my thinking was about relationships until I focused back on God. The Bible and being around other Christians has centered me so that I can view things in a much healthier light than I ever did in the past. I'm scared to think where I would be without that. Where do you stand when it comes to religion/spiritual matters?

11Christmases 10/07/2016

If he was involved already at the same time you dated him (which he may not have been), eventually the truth will come out...you will find some proof somewhere, a phone number on a cell phone bill, a picture of them together. Give yourself some time to heal and try not to beat yourself up for possibly missing some "signs". He could have just met her online right after you broke up. It doesn't mean she's "the one", probably just means he needed a rebound person.

Rose130 10/07/2016

Thank you aj2124 and 11Christmases for the support. I'm taking it one day at a time and concentrating on my healing. It still hurts and hoping with time it will get better

MendingAgain 10/09/2016

Yea I don't know if this is good advice but, try to keep the crazy on your mind, you don't want to go back to that. I've been in a relationship like this, and it really does only get worse. Don't think he is going to change, because he's shown you who he already is, instead focus on yourself, why are you allowing this person to disrespect you as he does, you really need to move into self awareness, and start reading about self. I am serious, I watch a lot of youtube videos that help me with this, and I don't believe he has moved on in just 3 weeks, men don't go there, well not abusive ones anyway, they just look for their next victim, who will put up with their shit.

I use to do what your doing now, it's called denial. I wouldn't recognize or come to terms about what was wrong with me, so I focused on him. Everything was about him. But it's not, everything is about you. Your probably fighting childhood demons, that you really need to come to terms with.

Sorry I don't really know you, but this really does hit close to home. Take care and seriously start looking inward.

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