Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I really worry that I am going to wear out my welcome here because everyone has been so good to me. I can't believe how much time everyone has given to me in order to help me through the pain.
As many of you know, my ex works for me as my office manager. When she ran off with my best friend, there was no doubt she was gone from my life and so was he. The problem is that she came back to work the next Monday almost as if nothing was wrong. She was just no longer with me but him. Me, being the asshole that I am, felt I needed her bad enough at the office and feeling scared and empty... let her continue working there.
I was doing a bit better just leaving our conversations to "work only" and taking xanax 3 times a day.... something I hate to rely on. In anycase, I have this anger building up in my system all frickin day and I am going to explode.... its just a matter of time. When she comes into my office I feel like screaming. My thought was that I would find something or someone to distract me but that hasn't heppened yet.
Today, I was 100% focused on work and never said one thing to her about her and I but the anger is actually building building building. I snapped at my son for no reason and I know its because I don't let out my anger. I can't let this happen. I have to let her go and do the right thing by way of the Dept. of Labor soon or I will forever be miserable.
Please tell me its ok to feel this way. I am not an angry person so these feelings make me want to cry...
I need someone to lean on that will tell me I am going to be ok. I hate this feeling so bad.... It was all just a waste...
Jim :(
As many of you know, my ex works for me as my office manager. When she ran off with my best friend, there was no doubt she was gone from my life and so was he. The problem is that she came back to work the next Monday almost as if nothing was wrong. She was just no longer with me but him. Me, being the asshole that I am, felt I needed her bad enough at the office and feeling scared and empty... let her continue working there.
I was doing a bit better just leaving our conversations to "work only" and taking xanax 3 times a day.... something I hate to rely on. In anycase, I have this anger building up in my system all frickin day and I am going to explode.... its just a matter of time. When she comes into my office I feel like screaming. My thought was that I would find something or someone to distract me but that hasn't heppened yet.
Today, I was 100% focused on work and never said one thing to her about her and I but the anger is actually building building building. I snapped at my son for no reason and I know its because I don't let out my anger. I can't let this happen. I have to let her go and do the right thing by way of the Dept. of Labor soon or I will forever be miserable.
Please tell me its ok to feel this way. I am not an angry person so these feelings make me want to cry...
I need someone to lean on that will tell me I am going to be ok. I hate this feeling so bad.... It was all just a waste...
Jim :(
You obviously have to let her go but that is going to be a bit tricky. Make sure you cover your butt so she can't get an attorney and sue for wrongful termination.
Can you possibly downsize and lay her off?
Hugs to you!!!!!!
i still get angry. im more of a depressive person than an angry person, so i didnt know how to cope with it either. something that helped me was jogging and doing the kick boxing thing on wii fit plus. then i would come on here and journal, talk to my therapist, journal in my real life journal - i just had to feel it - i needed to let it out. could you start letting it out in any of those ways?
i would also seek out other candidates for her position and give her the usual notice. you still need to find a way to cope with your anger, but having it be in your face every day is something that can be changed.
best of luck. xoxo
I REALLY can feel your pain in your words. It is truly an unbearable situation the one you are in. I would write her a letter (brief and to the point) telling her it would be the best for everyone if she resigned.
You are right in that, unless you express your anger in a healthy way, you will explode or transfer your anger to someone else or yourself.
If that didnt work, I would just terminate her employment, make something up like her position is no longer needed, etc.
peace my friend...
Please don't take it out on your kids, as hard as that is. They don't deserve it, and you know that. You are really going to have to find an out let for that anger.
Do you know someone with a punching bag? Maybe you can work your anger out on that. It is not healthy keep it bottled up inside you, it is really detrimental to you, and as you know unfair to your kids. Anger can be a great motivator to take action and move on. It was extreme anger at my ex for something he did which impacted our daughter that finally was the last straw for me, and gave me the strength to tell him to move out.
Jim, the relationship wasn't a waste. You will realise in time that there were things that you learnt from it. For one you know that you are a really decent guy. Your kids also learnt plenty from their relationship with Matt. Your son had the experience of a younger "brother figure" for a while. All worthwhile life lessons. People come into our lives for a reason and for a season and then they move on.
It really is time for Cory to move on. I don't know how you are going to do it, but somehow you need to get her to move on. Maybe you shouldn't be "Mr Nice Guy" all the time at work, and make her life a lot more uncomfortable, so that she decides that it is time to move on and find another job, taking the onus off you, and sparing you the problem with the DOL. Just a thought.
Praying for strength and some peace for you.
Having said that, I don't know the details of your work, do you work at a small business? If so, you probably don't need any reason at all to fire/ terminate her. I mean, seriously, I am not the revengeful type, not at all. But your break up is affecting your everyday life, you need her out. I cannot imagine how you function with her being your office manager? At your work, where you spend a majority of your day, she needs to go...
I will get stronger I promise.... it just may take ma awhile! :)
Slow Learner I Guess!
Jim