Breakups & Divorce Support Group

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Realizing your own faults

shantellew
shantellew
One of the hardest parts to me of this separation has been all the thinking and to be brutally honest with myself and come to terms with my own faults and my own issues that led to the break up. Its difficult to not be to hard on yourself while at the same time learn from your mistakes (hopefully). But at the end of the day we all issues, and unless its an unusaul circumstance, we all have at least in a small way contributed to our relationship problems. Anyone else having a hard time beating yourself up or am I way off base on this?
deleted_user
deleted_user
I know I made mistakes, it is hard to not beat yourself up over them. I look at it as a learning experience on what I don't want.

Even though I made mistakes, his mistake was not being willing to talk about both of our mistakes and work it out TOGETHER.

People can say, "you drove him away", "you gave him no option"...well, what about TALKING ABOUT IT instead of ignoring what was bugging him then just up and filing for divorce??????

I will not carry the guilt for either my mistakes or his. It takes two to make and two to break, so, don't be hard on yourself. It takes a while to heal, give yourself time and love yourself, realize your mistakes, accept those and move on.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Personally I'm pretty introspective, probably to a fault. The bad thing about that is my shortcomings pop up bright and clear, I have no problems seeing them. The good thing is that learn a lot of good things about myself along the way too.

I am going to start writing all of these self revelations down so I can refer to them later. Maybe I can come up with a mathematical theory in which I can simply cancel out my bad things with good things and scientifically prove myself a good guy not deserving of the treatment I've had in the past. If I can pull that off I'm good.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I think none of us were deserving of the bad things that happened to us. Those who do deserve it, don;t tend to stay on support forums for very long.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I would have to agree Joy.
Karenhopeful
Karenhopeful
I have also struggled with being really harsh on myself. Through therapy and working 12 steps of Alanon, I have learned an awful lot about myself, my past, choices I have made, choices I have not made. I am learning to accept faults work on those I can and accept those I can't.

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference.''

There are many 12 step programmes. It works for many. For others it doesn't. I did have to give it some time before I really started to get it all.