Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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pinkrose28 04/16/2015

I will try to not make this post too long. My entire life my parents have set standards and goals for me to make the most out of my life. I spent 6 years in college working my ass off to make the best future I could for myself. By profession I am a pharmacist. Since graduation I have worked at a retail setting but I always wanted to do more. I wanted to branch out and figure out what the perfect place for me would be.

When I was blindsided by this breakup it truly messed me up more then just emotionally. I feel it has also effected my career and many of the goals I also had. My job requires my constant attention, extreme focus and for me to be mentally present at all times. I cant afford to have a bad moment, because I could be putting someone's life at risk in doing so. I made the choice to leave work for a bit and when I returned I came back part time. I heard about a job opening at a hospital in my area for a position as a clinical pharmacist. (This was always my goal since graduation but without experience it is rare to even get an interview) Somehow I managed to get an interview and this morning I got a call that they would like to offer me the position. I felt excited, I felt proud for a moment I felt happy. Then it all sank in that I am STILL not ready to commit to a full time job in that high stress level environment just yet. I don't believe I would be able to do this job to the best of my ability with the way I feel I am currently functioning. As badly as I want this, I am not in a position to put in the 50-60 hours a week.

I feel so embarrassed, pathetic and stupid. I am going to pass on my dream job because I am too weak minded to pull it together and focus on myself? This is not the person my parents raised me to be. I have all the skills and tools for a really bright future yet I am sitting around doing the bare minimum because I cant emotionally handle it? I am feeling like passing up this job is one more thing that I have given up because of my ex. I cant even blame him because at the end of the day it is me who is taking forever to get my life back together again. I am in therapy and i am doing my best but I am worried I am watching opportunities and life just pass me by while I sit and hope and pray that i am able to feel okay again.

Maybe i am just angry with myself more then anything. Why do i spend any time thinking about a person who i know i cant ever have again. Why isn't every last bit of energy focused on making myself the best version of me. How much time will it take to wake up and not let any more opportunities pass me by. I want to blame him for taking this away from me but of course i know the blame is actually all pointed at myself.

Chris198I 04/16/2015

it's ok you are having emotions, and feelings. experiencing a breakup, is tough, and unless someone really wants to breakup, it's one of the hardest things to cope with. it takes it's toll on us, emotionally. when a sudden breakup happens, it does get our focus, and it does make us feel so many feelings. there's really no way to be fully prepared for a breakup, when it happens, it's a definitely heart sinking feeling. the days, and weeks after one, are important, i've found with my breakup i've been going through, i've been trying to keep close to the things in life, that are most important to me. family, friends, nature. i understand, you want to continue to fulfill your dreams, and get that job you have worked many years for, and you deserve to be able to pursue your dreams. when we have a breakup, we can tend to blame ourselves for things. i know i have at times, but when we think truly deep about it, we realize, our ex's shouldn't have that power, to make our dreams not achievable, no matter what the dream, or goal, once we get our focus back, our spirits will be truly free again, and i think that's when our hearts truly will begin to heal.

You have family, friends, those people, deserve your attention, and you deserve good health, and peace, and to have the future you have envisioned. You can still achieve this goal you have. i know we can't heal overnight, from a breakup. i wish we could, but things we enjoy in life, and our dreams we have, that will be the medicine that helps us, get better, and enable us to heal.

i've been trying not to rush myself with my healing. definitely don't push yourself to do something you may not be able to handle right now. i always believe firmly, in what's meant to be, will eventually be, and in your situation with your job opportunity, you have the skills you mentioned, and the place knows that. you don't have to let your dream go, forever. You've reached it once, and can do it again, when you are fully ready. here on ds, you'll always have the support of us all.

broken234 04/16/2015

Don't sell yourself short. You are intelligent and smart. You can do this. I have a job that requires extreme focus as well. One that people could get hurt if everything is not done 100% correctly, so I know the fear you feel if you think you can't focus at work. The thing is....you can do this. Don't pass up your dream job or your dreams for that matter. You are not alone in this journey. You earned that position. You earned the right to chase your dreams down. Yes you may have some bad days, but as you fall into a job you love, that is one great thing that will take the place of all the pain. Just keep telling yourself that you can do this!! Because it is true. This is a part of you rebuilding yourself and becoming the person you want to be.

elleray37 04/16/2015

When I read this post the absolute last thing I was thinking was pathetic, and stupid. To go through that much schooling is ambitious and something to be proud of. I think that your clearly know yourself and know what you can handle, that's something to be proud of! You know what you are capable of right now and are looking after your needs first. You know you need to be at your best for the job and are aware that your just not quite there yet, and that's ok! This job sounds like what you've wanted but when you're ready I'm sure life will give you another opportunity.

Healing is not a linear process, something I am still learning. For me I thought, ok yup March is my month I'm going to be better by April, and all that did was set me up for failure. I have gotten better and am starting to get my life together but it still isn't even close to me being fully independent and happy on my own. It's going to take a lot longer than I thought. Be patient and you will get there. Continue to work on you and remember to be gentle with yourself. Once your life is all settled and you are happy with yourself and at peace I'm sure you will be given another opportunity. Don't place a timeline on your healing, you'll get there when you get there. Clearly you have a bright future and seem like someone who has clear goals. In the grand scheme of things this is only a minor set back. I believe that everything we are put through is given to us for a reason. Focus on how far you've come and how you're becoming a stronger more independent person!

I try to see the positive in every situation. You were offered the job so that probably means you will be offered more like it. See that you know yourself well enough not to put yourself in a position/job that might be too stressful, that to me is a person who knows themselves and is putting themselves first. Good for you!

All the best!

idontmakeherhapyenuf 04/16/2015

Putting yourself in a position requiring total focus may be just what you need to find that elusive balance. Try it. Put your best into it. If you become unsure, dig deeper. Do kit Allie those doubts and insecurities. You can do it and you will if you give yourself the opportunity. Praying for you.

lookingforclosure 04/16/2015

I agree with #4. Are you sure it's not anxiety about the job? It's your dream job, and now you have it, you get excited, then, wait a minute...can I do this? Yes, you can. I think this job might be just what you need. They interviewed you, and they want you. Understandably, you may not be 100% right now...but one day at a time. Rather try and see, then regret down the road that you didn't.

loosingthebattle 04/16/2015

You've worked so hard, this is God opening a new door for you. So don't sit and look at the closed one. Know he is there with you and will walk beside you to make things even better than they were before.
Have faith and confidence. You got this!!

redheaddiva 04/17/2015

You won't know you aren't ready unless you try. We can psych ourselves out even in the best of circumstances. This job could be EXACTLY what you need to make that final push towards healing. I have no doubt it is demading, physically and mentally. But you are psyching yourself out so much over something you have NO idea you will fail at. I guarantee, if you don't do this, you will regret for the rest of your life, not taking this opportunity. If your 10 year from now you looked at the current you, what would she say?

Don't let the opportunity of a lifetime pass you by. Don't let him win. Dig deep and make it happen.

pinkrose28 04/17/2015

Thank you very much everyone. I will take the weekend to think it over and see how I feel but I appreciate all the advice

NewBegin2012 04/18/2015

PinkRose. Here is an idea I think you should try. This weekend, stop and envision what your ideal state would be 10 years from now. So basically envision what your ideal future will be 10 years from now. Not just with your job, but with your life in general. There is no way you can predict what your future will be like, but you can imagine what your ideal future will entail. What kind of person do you want to be 10 years into the future. What situation do you want to be in 10 years from now. Where do you see yourself?

Then ask yourself if this job will be a component of that ideal future? If it is, take the job. Even if you don't feel good about it right now. If the job is not a component of your ideal future, then don't take the job.

Another thing, I think optimism has to be forced at various points in our lives. As we get older, I think we get more unhappy. Envisioning your future and developing "hope" for your future, will drive how you handle things for today.

I remember as a kid having all my hopes and dreams in my head and I had my whole life in front of me. I would talk like it already happened. I am going to do this... Or I am going to be that... Although, I had no idea what was really going to happen, I envisioned what was going to happen and it made me happy envisioning it. Of course, my future didn't exactly go as I had envisioned it, but the hope of the future did make me a happier and more productive person at the time I has envisioning it.

Hope this isn't too weird of a response to your post, but maybe... just maybe it will shed a different light on your thought process.

refurb 04/18/2015

"Why isn't every last bit of energy focused on making myself the best version of me."
is a big part of Your problem, that question indicates that you blame yourself for his flaws, that the realtioship failed because of you or what you lack

BULLSHIT

you are a pretty dam good person, take your intelligence & drive away and you still have what matters most, you have character, you are trustworhy in good and bad times

realize that you are excellent, don't try to make yourself perfect for yourself or someone else

Be excellent with your own quirky unique imperfections

kkbon19 04/19/2015

I have a similar responsibility in my job and I left one job when my nightmare began, took about a month off, then started a new job. It literally saved my life and having other people need me totally shifted my thoughts when I was working. The new challenges, new coworkers, and supportive people all made me start to feel normal again. I just wanted to share that because I was in a similar state and situation and the new job was the best medicine. Take care and you have my support no matter what you decide is best for you.

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