Because you two are split up and she has moved on. If a divorce had been requested, she isn't obligated to keep you up to date on her whereabouts.

Are you still living in the same residence?

Somerdad,

I'm sorry man.

I'm very sorry man.

This is going to be very painful and hurt, everytime you tell her that you are hurting, she most likely sees it as a sign of weakness. Everytime you ask her where she has been she sees it as a sign of control or fear. She views your questioning as insecurity and a lack of trust, even though it is likely she is doing untrustworthy things. I'm with you, I know where you are.

All of these things applied to me in my story as well.

I had to let go of it all. I had to release it all. I accepted the fact that she broke my heart. I accepted the fact the she desired in her heart to terminate the relationship.

Was she the one who wanted it? Yes. Did she go out in bad taste? Yes. Am I preoccupied with her whereabouts anymore? No.

I needed time away from her to see the real her and to be comfortable with the real me.

I know it hurts man, but right now, your business is who you are--It's YOU, not her.

As someone who's been through this, I'm going to talk to you as a fellow man, I hope you can hear me. "Reach down into your gut, grab the knife that is causing you pain and use it to cut the chords that are keeping her tethered to you. Do it for you."

At this time you must be strong.

God bless.

I agree with Stillbitt...If a divorce has been requested, she isn't obligated to keep you in her life, (unless you have minor children to discuss). It's painful and hard for you because it seems she has so easily moved on, but she was probably emotionally checked out and has moved on in her heart long before she asked for the divorce.

It's a painful process but one that many people live through (and even thrive as a result). Don't torture yourself by wondering where she is or keeping track of her. She has made her position clear and is taking care of herself. Trust me, I spent years with a man who would dissapear for days, and then lie about where he was. I spent years trying to please him, doing backflips (well not literally) to please him, and all the while he was cheating.

You need to move on and focus on you, not her. Don't give her a second thought. Focus your energy on personal growth and finding your own happiness. You will survive this, allowing her to effect you is your choice. Don't give her that power anymore.

Hugs.

We are still living together. We haven't told the kids yet.
It's so hard to keep a brave face in front of the kids when she does these stuff.

It's hard man I know especially with it in your face because your still living together, everybody has given great advice so far, I know it's easier said then done but you need to emotionally detach yourself from this woman. when your preoccupied with what she is doing your not focusing on yourself or the kids as much as you need to.My x is still here and from what I can tell is still morning the loss of the other guy over the loss of me which was hard to except at first I found myself wondering what she was doing if she was still contacting him, like your's she was apparently done a while before really telling me, I have since managed to emotionally detached myself from her and it feels great you may want to try some therapy my therapist was great at pointing things out as I talked that I seemed blind to, and gave me some real perspective and helped me tremendously, do yourself a favor give your mind a rest and try to focus on something else..Stay strong buddy...

Somer, I feel the same way you do. I am still in the household with a spouse that doesn't want to be married to me anymore. I wear a brave face and never question where he is, and have told him that what he does with his time is none of my business and he owes me no explanations. I have requested that he let me know he's ok, and let me know if he is not going to be in the house for dinner (it is more economical to cook for everyone than have separate meals prepared, so I still do the cooking).

I am not sure if it's easier or harder to not know. It kills me when he is out - either for the evening or for the night - and I don't know where he is. But I can't bring myself to ask...maybe I am afraid to know. So instead I lay awake at night and think of all the things he could be doing. He doesn't tell me voluntarily. Maybe that's for the best.

This week seems to be the opposite. He is in the Bahamas on vacation (a month ago we decided we would go away this week to be alone and reconnect, I guess when he decided he didn't want to work out our relationship it didn't change his idea on the vacay.) I asked him, once again, to check in from time to time to let me know he's ok - a solo vacation in a tropical country worries me. Instead of the standard "i'm ok", I have been offered a buffet of information. I've seen a photo of the beach he was sitting by while having free drinks and waiting for his room, a photo of him in just shorts to show his sunburn (it's the most un-dressed I've seen him in months), a photo this morning of the beautiful weather on the resort. I've heard about the lovely weather, the friendly bartender, the hangovers, the market across the street. This hurts in many other different ways, compared to not knowing.

What's better? Hard to say. They both hurt like hell.

What hurts is that whether it's here in town, or in the Bahamas, I'm not with him like I wish I was.

I know that it's better that I not tell show im what I'm really feeling about it, because then it's even more uncomfortable and tense.

I hope that this situation resolves itself for you soon. I'm about 10 weeks from being away from him and getting a chance to heal.

i wish she would just lie to me and tell me she was hanging out with her friends. I just can't think of her with another man.

I'm sorry dude, but nobody gets it all.

She wants a divorce but not telling kids and living the happy family life? No.

Again - you aren't entitled to her whereabouts, but she's not entitled to have the security of home and family while doing what she wants when she wants.

I was in this situation... and getting out of it was the best decision I have made since this whole thing kicked off.

It's like torturing yourself.

Hi Somer: For some here, they separate but remain in the same home. It means you have no right to know where she is or what she is doing and the same goes for her with you.

It also means no sex, no kissing, you each do your own laundry, you cook your own meals and don't eat together, you wash your own dishes, you buy your own groceries, and you clean up your own rooms and clean up the rest of the home as appropriate.

If all this is too much and not working for you, then it is time for both of you to split physically and I don't know how that will work. But it's clear that you have to stop engaging her and back away--it is aggressive to engage her and demand to know where she has been and want to know where she is going.

But it's time that you got yourself out and doing some activities, doing things on your own if necessary. Good luck. This is all very hard and painful, but you have to pull yourself together so you do this right and get through it. Hugs.

That's my issue right now. Not knowing what rights I have. I don't want the divorce, I still see us as being married.

I've been in your shoes and it's no fun. I lived in the same house with my STBX for months after he said he wanted to separate. It was like getting my heart ripped out with a rusty knife on a daily basis. I would hear him on the phone with other women. He would go out until the wee hours if the morning. It wasn't until he moved out and I took off my ring that I was able to think of us as not being married. By refusing to think of us that way I was only hurting myself. The husband I loved left the building and nothing I can do will bring him back. Hopefully moving out will bring you at least some modicum of peace.

Well ,Somer, it's none of your business, because it's none of your business.

I know you're processing still, but she has moved on, and the two of you are split.

Wishing you strength and peace!

It's incredibly disrespectful and ignorant. She wants a divorce but is still living in the same home with you and your kids, she wants her freedom to do what she wants when she wants and it isn't supposed to be any of your business. But it is to some degree, she still has children and I don't see now it's ok to stay out all night or be gone for hours. What about the kids? Are you supposed to lie to them for her? Is she suddenly not responsible for her kids, she can just stay out all night and assume you are taking care of them?
I'm in a bad mood because I just walked a very long way in the snow again, so I'd say the next time she stays out all night I'd change the locks on the doors. I'd also talk to a lawyer about your rights and her moving out. It's not good to play games for the sake of the kids either. Do you guys think they don't know she's gone? Kids pick up on a lot and depending on their ages, this situation can do more harm than good.

Could she be afraid to tell you where she is going? If I'm not mistaken, you called her an f'in b**** on another post. Do you call her that to her face? Maybe she thinks you'll be angry no matter what she says, and she is just leaving to be by herself and get away from a tense situation. It must be tough living together with a divorce going on.