I am not sure if some of you have read my Journal, but overall here is my story. I have been replaying everything in my head...and sometimes I cant find an answer of why this happened. I am completely honest here with my story, so please, I want you to be truthful, but not hurtful please.

My Story

I thought we were happily married. I was the happiest girl in the world. He was sweet, attentive and overall kind. At the end of January, the nightmare began. I got an email from a woman saying that he has been having an affair with her for the past 3 years. That night was hell. He came home, we fought, cried, fell asleep at 7 am. What he confessed was that he met a girl BUT NOTHING EVER HAPPENED, it was just a platonic friendship. He said nothing ever happened. I asked him how come he never told her he was married if it was just a friendship, and he said he doesnt know why...he even confessed he has only seen her twice after we got married and that on those days he took off the wedding ring...
Sounds crazy right?...

Soooo I forgave him, splitting up didnt cross my mind, i believed him and I knew he made a mistake.
Sadly I couldnt leave things alone, I cried myself to sleep just thinking about what they did together. It was hard for him, but in all honesty I only had a bout 1 month to deal with this sadness.
Sure enough he was tired of making me feel better and said that if i dont forgive him, to let him know so that he could leave. He didnt want to be with me if i was not willing to forgive him. I understood his point...but I was pressured to say..yes i forgive you. There was one night where i was crying, having some wine and he came into the room and laughed and said i was ridioulous. The anger took over me and i got up and slapped him. I know i shouldnt have but I felt like my feeling to him were a joke.

I became very insecure, I admit it...but he didnt care. He would go out till 5 or 6 in the morning and tell me that he doesnt need to tell me where he is. That he is tired of having to report to me. I was so hurt.
One night we got into a huge fight and he became so aggressive, verbally and started threatening me. He would follow me everywhere i went. I went to the kitchen and I grabbed a knife and told him "Leave me the **** alone" he walked away.
The next day he woke up and told me that i was an abuser, that he no longer knew if he wanted to be with me. he told me that from that point on, he would no longer focus on my feelings. He wanted to focus on himself. He was tired of worrying about my feelings.

This is where the nightmare began. He told me he needed his space. He didnt want any of us to moveout but just wanted space for himself. I wasnt sure what this meant. But i agreed. I would come home evryday, tell him i loved him, and he would tell me he didnt want to talk, he just wanted to be alone. He didnt even want me to ask him about his day.
I did this for 3 months. I was just another piece of furniture. I would come home and just hide in the room. The times that i did talk, i would cry and tell him that i loved him and that i was so sorry for what i had done. That i wanted to show him that i loved him. He said he didnt care, that i could show him i loved him by leaving him alone. Since april we did nothing together, no dinner, no movie, he just began to completely ignore me.

He began to tell me that he doesnt think he could forgive me, therefor he doesnt want to be with me. I begged and begged and told him I could change.
Around that time the girl emailed me again and told me that if i was still with him, and that if i was, I was a pitiful woman. You can imagine how much this hurt. I cried and told him and he told me that he was sorry but he didint care to make me feel better anymore. I sucked up my feelings forgot about my feelings and focused on him.
He began to treat me like garbage. Telling me i was a sad individual, how can i not see when someone doesnt want to be with me. He began to call me pitiful.
I know i was acting pitiful. He clearly told me he didnt want to be with me..but deep down i felt like he still cared, like he still loved me. I thought that with love and patience I would be able to fix things, but i was wrong.

Things began to get worse. His words get worse and worse.
Calling me a pitiful b****
A low life
Sad Person
He would constantly threaten to leave me. And i would do anything to keep him.
We even got to a point that he would tell me..."Ok, if you shut your mouth and go in the room, i wont leave.
I wasnt even allowed to cry in the room. If he would hear me cry he would tell me to shut up.
The day he left i kissed him and told him i loved him and that i hope to see him later. I had a feeling he would leave but i told him to wait so we could talk and just end things civilly. he swore he wouldnt.
I was at work and got a text that said "sorry"...and this is where the nightmare began.
I have lost all dignity of who I am with this man.