Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
So some of you know my story, but I'm in a pickle and looking for thoughts or advice on something. I have decided to ask hubby for a divorce, but here in BC Canada we have to be legally separated for a year before I would be granted a divorce. That's not my issue. My issue is I feel like I owe it to my dad to approach him first with my feelings and what I want to do. The reason being that my dad and hubby are in business together. Believe me, I've hummed and hawed day in and day out with excuses such as "I just need to learn to accept H for who he is and make it work because of the business, etc". But I have talked to my mom, sister, friends etc and many people know what I'm going through and support my decision. My dad is super busy dispatching for the 3 trucks they have, doing his few side jobs, and being an accountant. I just feel he doesn't have the time (even though I know he'd make time for me) and he doesn't need this burden. Things would be different if because of this business my dad wasn't in financial hardships. It's not to the point of bankruptcy or him taking out a second mortgage, but it's not good. I feel my parents won't get paid back if I leave and I feel like it's my fault my dad seized a business opportunity because of who I married. He approached my H with the idea. In my heart I know he wants whats best for me and will support me, but I feel horrible inside doing this to him. For all I know the business will stay intact, that would be great, but I don't know. I feel I should tell my dad before I tell hubby I want out. I'm truly scared though. I've drafted an email of what I want to say to my dad, but do you think that's the chicken way out, or not appropriate based on the situation? Is it wrong to ask my mom to talk to him? Why is this so hard for me?
I ask that you be honest with him and talk to him about what is happening, that you want a divorce and have to wait a year to file. Then ask him how it impacts his business and what he could do to come out in a better position because he has advance notice--could he put liens on trucks, etc ???
Were you the lady that was telling us quite a while back that your husband was driving the business trucks intoxicated? If not, then it's no problem. If so, then you should tell your dad that also because that's a HUGE deal if he is drunk and hits someone as your dad could lose the whole business and potentially whatever else he has (home, etc.) in lawsuits. At least in divorce your Dad would have something out of it.
I don't believe you stay married to keep a business afloat. Just like I don't believe in dating co-workers, I don't believe in families like this going into business together because in thinking ahead a divorce could tear apart that business and leave your dad in bad shape. Some really good lawyers should have looked at it really hard and written up some good agreements prior to going into business with your husband.
If your mom won't be there to talk, then you go it alone with your Dad and as an adult, get in there and do it very soon. Your Dad deserves to know as soon as possible. He will need to see a lawyer about the business to see what can be done in advance to help him do whatever he has to do and save as much of the business as possible. Good luck,
Thanks guys, I appreciate your comments :)