Some studies have shown that as many as 80% of all couples that enter marital therapy stay together. It is hard to really be sure about that number but it is true that the very fact that two people are willing to put that much effort into saving a relationship bodes well for the outcome. Therapy can be a tough road that brings up many uncomfortable issues that often people have not even dealt with as an individual, let alone in the presence of their mate. It is extremely important that when seeking couples counseling you find a therapist who SPECIALIZES in doing work with couples. Just because someone is a therapist (even if they have a license in marriage and family) it doesn\'t mean that they are trained to work with couples. Most therapists are trained to work with individuals and must seek additional training in couples or family therapy. If the therapist is well trained, and is able to help the couple explore the reasons they chose one another in the first place the intimacy in that relationship can be increased immensely. Increased intimacy is major determinant in the longevity of a relationship. If you chose to enter therapy stick with it. It is not a quick fix and, provided you are comfortable with the practitioner, you should give it at least 6 months, give or take, to really get a sense if it will be helpful to your relationship.

We had marriage therapy on and off for a couple of years. It helped me personally a lot, but there are some essential issues that simply cannot be resolved through therapy. I believe that marriage therapy is not always about staying together, it could be successful too when it brings two people to an open communication and a deeper understanding of whether staying together is the best thing for two people.

Marital therapy didn\'t help in my first marriage because my husband was uninterested in putting effort into staying married.

It\'s helped immensely during a rough patch in my current marriage because it helped us evaluate our different communication styles and allow our therapist to \"translate\" between us in order to push us into better understanding one another. We recently had a chuckle that the barriers to communication in Burns\' \"Therapist\'s Toolkit\" are almost exactly the things we\'d learned in the Landmark Forum as \'rackets\'.

Melissa

Well guess we were in the 20%.

The therapist tried but it takes two to tango and she had already made her decision to leave and made it clear she did not want to be there (or with me).

I saw a psychologist yesterday and he said \'you can\'t work on a relationship\' if someone isn\'t willing to give up another relationship to work on your relationship.

I want to try ad work on my marriage.

In my husband\'s case he loves another woman and will not even stop talking to her to give us a chance to go through therapy to try and save our marriage.

But at the same time he won\'t go through therapy he tells me he loves me just the same and wants to be friends.

aghh I guess we are in the same 20%!

i now refer to our therapy sessions as the transitional time. he went, he participated in the sessions but she would give us homework and when i would ask him about it he said \"i don\'t think about it when we aren\'t there\" i think he had made up his mind and was lying to himself. needless to say we also are in that 20%

Dee,

I\'m toying with the thought (would therapy be good for my husband and I while we transition out of our marriage and into a friendship)?

To me, it makes sense, it is what both of us want and up to last night :-) I have been the one all emotional about loosing him as a husband...

How many people have went through therapy through a transition out of a marriage?

Did it work? What did you gain?

Thank you everyone for your feedback.

Chris

I am currently going to group therapy and just started individual therapy. I am not attending the sessions with my husband, since he was decided he was done with our marriage a while ago, but never cared to let me know he was feeling this way or even hinted at it. Unfortunately, it seems too late for us to even consider marital counseling, as he stated that there is not an ounce left in him willing to fight. As for myself, it has been helpful so far, but I just started, so maybe it is the novelty, not sure yet, but I am hopeful.

We went to therapy a few times, then I continued on my own. One problem was that my stb X told me to "pick someone and go" a few times before we went together. This was a mistake, but i didn't know it at the time. He told me later he felt she always sided with me because I told her things first w/o him there to tell his side.

Also, as said before, it won't work unless both parties want it to. ~P

two couples counselers and nothing... i will never do it again.

I was married for almost 17 years.. we had couples therapy in years 7,10 through 17.... the issues were always the same. he was controlling... his parents were interferring and I was too accepting. In the end, he had a midlife crisis.. did the therapy help- yes at the time. it made our marriage more balanced.. in the long run.. I wasted to many years. Had I left in year 7 before kids... I might hve been more happy and had more children ( he had fertility issues) now I am 40.. too old ot have more children. I feel cheated....

We went to three or four sessions with a "counselor" three years ago. She did more damage than good because she only fixed things on the surface for us short-term. She also labeled my husband as an ADHD Alcoholic during these three sessions. He drinks less than most people I know and can go to a party and not have a drop. So, she was way off. Her advice to me was to start reading "RedBook," which was supposed to help me be more intimate with my husband. What the hell? So, this all led my husband to believe for the last three years that counseling would not help us because we'd already tried that. So this quack really screwed us in the long run.

We just started going to a new counselor. He collected background information on us and seems to be digging into the routes of our problems both individually and as a couple. I feel like he is really guiding and helping us. Verdict is still out on whether he will help us stay together and build a stronger, better marriage. I am hopefull it will work. One thing I know for sure is that the problems we have cannot be worked out on our own!

The mediator helped more than the therapist! Just my luck.

Well, for me Psychotherapy, wouldn't have helped me my marriages. My ex's would have just said for me to go because it was always my fault that we weren't getting along. My first husband was always right and it had to be his way or forget it. My second husband acted like a child and I was the cold hearted bitch and didn't love anyone but myself. If I loved myself I wouldn't have loved my kids. Its because I wouldn't bow down to him and pay attention to him all the time.

I would try it again in a future relationship, absolutely.

The reason it didn't work this time was because my stbx worked herself into an angry state for all 3 counselors we tried and told them all "I don't know if I want to work on this marriage".

The best counselor in the world isn't going to help that situation.

But I would say if two people were commited to working out their differences and make incremental improvements in their behaviors and habits, that would be very beneficial.