Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Have any of you ever dealt with someone who cannot accept responsibility for their actions/words when they do something wrong or hurtful? At best, you might get a pseudo apology. They include the words "I'm sorry" but they are either apologizing for your emotions or adding a qualifier that doesn't admit responsibility.
For example, my husband will say, "I'm sorry that you're upset," versus apologizing for what he did that was upsetting. Or he might say, "IF I said something wrong, then I'm sorry." Since he can't admit that what he said was wrong, he isn't really sorry for anything.
We are going to counseling next week, and I will bring up this topic. I'm just curious if anyone has dealt with this behavior before? And were you ever successful in getting the person to see the difference between a sincere apology and their pseudo apology?
For example, my husband will say, "I'm sorry that you're upset," versus apologizing for what he did that was upsetting. Or he might say, "IF I said something wrong, then I'm sorry." Since he can't admit that what he said was wrong, he isn't really sorry for anything.
We are going to counseling next week, and I will bring up this topic. I'm just curious if anyone has dealt with this behavior before? And were you ever successful in getting the person to see the difference between a sincere apology and their pseudo apology?
Uhm, yeah . . . but are you even sorry for all the crap you've done?
Good luck at counseling ... we did that for awhile.
The worst part is that he will eventually blame me for whatever HE did. At some point, it just becomes infuriating. We are going to counseling because I can't take the manipulation and pointless arguing.
i believed him for 33 yrs..what a crock of shit
It's so hard dealing with someone who can't see someone else's side of things. We spent years going to Marriage Encounter, and he really never learned anything from it. All he came away with was an occasional catch phrase - and even that he uses to support himself!
Lily, maybe your husband's being able to see that something he's done - even if he doesn't really know what it is or believe it's his fault - gives a little hope for your marriage. Maybe the counseling will help open his eyes. I hope so! Good luck!