Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I met with the atty today. I thought we were going to write up the details of the verbal agreement that I thought I had with the ol ex. I should have known better, she never lived up to any agreement we ever made, like not ever. Our verbal agreement, she would move out of the house into a condo nearby so our daughter could stay in the same school. I would move back into the house, and show it for immediate sale. Once sold I would get a condo near enough that the daughter could ride her bike back and forth. We would rotate custody, 1 week here, 1 there. WE would split the proceeds for the sale of the house. I would pay the court required alimony. Pretty simple, I thought.
Got her reply papers today. She wants the house, lock stock and barrel. Sign it over. She wants me to pay above the court alimony so she can afford the house. She wants full custody, and me to pay full child support. She wants me to give her an additional allowance of $200 per week for misc expense. She wants me to take out additional life insurance to guarantee alimony and child support in the event of my death. She does not wish to work, she claims diability. (head tremors).
We calculated, if I can somehow earn an additional $1000-1200 per month, and I give her every last penny I earn, she can have what she wants. Of course, that leaves me with $0 income, no way to pay for food, lodging, car, gas, anything.
Perhaps this is just a ruse, and she is not serious. But me, I was thinking this was going to be over in a couple of weeks, based on our verbal agreement, now, batten down the hatches, load the artillery, we're at defcon 2, put a helmet on soldier, were going into battle.
My original proposal is now on hold. I will talk to her, I have a call into her now. She will agree with my proposal, or I will fight. Full custody, employment evaluations for her, subpena doctor records. I'll cash in my retirement to pay for it, if I have to.
Argggh.
Got her reply papers today. She wants the house, lock stock and barrel. Sign it over. She wants me to pay above the court alimony so she can afford the house. She wants full custody, and me to pay full child support. She wants me to give her an additional allowance of $200 per week for misc expense. She wants me to take out additional life insurance to guarantee alimony and child support in the event of my death. She does not wish to work, she claims diability. (head tremors).
We calculated, if I can somehow earn an additional $1000-1200 per month, and I give her every last penny I earn, she can have what she wants. Of course, that leaves me with $0 income, no way to pay for food, lodging, car, gas, anything.
Perhaps this is just a ruse, and she is not serious. But me, I was thinking this was going to be over in a couple of weeks, based on our verbal agreement, now, batten down the hatches, load the artillery, we're at defcon 2, put a helmet on soldier, were going into battle.
My original proposal is now on hold. I will talk to her, I have a call into her now. She will agree with my proposal, or I will fight. Full custody, employment evaluations for her, subpena doctor records. I'll cash in my retirement to pay for it, if I have to.
Argggh.
I am sorry that you are dealing with this. Knowing what I do about divorce attorneys, they tend to ask for the sun moon and stars just to see what the Judge will bargain down to. In other words, they tend to aim high, knowing that they will get talked down. Hang tight as there is NO WAY you will get ordered to hand over everthing that she asked for. {{hugs}}
this plan backfired in my family, we are different in some ways, but my x-h had this plan for his own reasons.
bad plan. not worth the fallout. not. worth. the fallout. that lasts forever.
I just can't even think about this plan. Just don't do it.
In my state, custody is about two things:
1. The best interests of the child.
2. Who will better facilitate the relationship between the child and the other parent.
The agression in your plan will shine through everything else. Her smoke and mirror demands will deconstruct into something more reasonable and the dust will settle and you won't have to go through what you discuss...
you have no idea of the things of which you speak here, I doubt, I hope you have not gone through such a case before.
be careful. hire a *reasonable* *ethical* attorney and breathe. military training may not serve you in this scenario.
her deficiencies matter nothing except in how the judge will view their effects on the child.
you take that route, you will both bludgeon each other's souls and lives and your child is basically now and arbitrary ward of the state and the mood of the judge on that morning or afternoon.
just don't do it.
Such a court battle would change everything, forever, in ways you just cannot imagine.
borrowed from avidwriter's post:
If you take in someone else's poison-- thinking you can cure them by sharing it-- you will instead store it within you.
-Michael Ondaatje, The English Patient
But so should I.
Do not discuss the original deal.
Sorry...just my gut reaction...my divorce after 26.5 years ended last year..and my lawyers hired me.. I learned a few things.
They are high-balling you...they want you to react...they start with an unreasonable high figure...to freak you out... get you angry..and to flex their muscles.
don't fall for it.
any discussions should be done calmly between your lawyer and her lawyer.
tell your lawyer that you are prepared to start from the verbal agreement.
there is no reason why you should work like a dog to give her everything. Your extra funds should be for your child..as you proposed.
there is no reason for you to give her the house..can she not support herself?...she will have to stand on her own two feet and contribute to her own upkeep.
good luck