Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
6 years and 2 children later and I find myself feeling like we’re still in 2012 when we first met| the lies the cheating|the abandonment|worrying about nothing but himself . Here I am 2018 STILL sad, hurt , depressed, feeling unworthy , blaming myself for everything all the above .. every worse feeling you could possibly feel I feel. And all because someone doesn’t appreciate me or can’t love me the way I do him. It makes me feel disappointed in myself that I have allowed this person to make me feel this way, makes me realize I don’t have any self respect. After all these years and it still HURTS very much. I guess I always stood because I had hope. I had every reason to leave .
I SHOULD HAVE LEFT THE FIRST YEAR when he cheated.. we broke up went no contact and he reached out to me. I accepted him back like NOTHING HAPPENED! I don’t know what about him made me feel like I just needed him , I just needed to be with him. Second year he went to jail for almost a year and a half and I stood by his side every step of the way , he surrounds himself with bad people whom he calls his friends till This day and will never grow out of this crowd which would be a constant fight between us because of the daily stuff they do, how they act and how they are. I eventually found out I was pregnant during this second year while he was in jail and did the whole thing by myself . Of course I was there for him through the whole thing, seen him every week 2 hours back and forth while pregnant right after work and for some reason I thought this would changed him. when he got out it was great! Until he started hanging with his friends all over again and getting into the same things as always . it’s like he flipped on me and once again CHEATED! Which I caught him. So obviously we were this on and off again couple and each time and each year I begged for him back, reached out to him.
Every year he has hurt me and while he’s done that and sees no wrong I was the one always feeling like I did something wrong, I could have been better, was it me? I did all the apologizing when I was always loyal to him and never did anything to deserve any of this. Years go by he goes to jail for another time for a couple months( I stick around ) . we now have a son and we moved into a home in summer 2017 and like before I thought this was it OUR CHANGE WE NEEDED! He’s talked about marriage with me, how happy he was , how he’s sorry for everything he’s done to me through out the years . Well things were good until he switched up on me again.
Constantly leaving me alone to care for our kids . Never wanted to spend time with us always out every single day at all hours , I’d always beg him for his time .. he always left to make “money” always with his friends. I did everything by myself. I’d express my feelings to him and he’d say I’m to sensitive to emotional. I’m over reacting , stop nagging him, stop acting like his mother . I’d express how alone I have felt and he would tell me tomorrow I’ll spend time with you for half a day and that was good enough to me because I didn’t wanna seem ungrateful or to fight with him. I have had a bad feeling that I couldn’t shake off so I asked him when he FINALLY GOT HOME from being gone all day (literally) if he was cheating on me because he never wants to spend time with me or his kids , he never wants to touch me or be affectionate with me , he never wants to take me out so I feel like he isn’t proud to be with me and so forth and he just tells me “I wouldn’t hurt you again if I wanted someone else I’ll just tell you “ I couldn’t shake off the feeling so point is I YET AGAIN CAUGHT him cheating with the same person as the other times. I recently left the new house with my kids and find myself so hurt and wondering what I did this time again to deserve this again. Why I had so much hope when deep down inside I knew this was coming all along? I wonder why I fought so hard to keep him to make him love me hoping he’d change .. I wanted so bad to keep us as a family .. I sit here cry every day wondering why me.? Why do I feel so much pain and he feels nothing. I’m here wondering what this person has that I don’t . I feel anger because out of all the good I’ve done by his side. My loyalty , being the mother of his children he chooses to hurt me continuously and has no respect for me. I tell him he can see his children Monday- Friday after 4:30pm at my parents house so I know they are supervised and safe because I’m at work , mind you he’s never worked a day in his life (just like his father) and because he doesn’t like that he’s not in control and he can’t take my kids anywhere he pleases anymore he told me to get a lawyer. So now I’m overwhelmed about that he never spent time with us at home he never helped me out with them because we were always alone and he was always out so why out of a sudden now ?
. I sit here and become angry at myself for always allowing this mistreatment, for always having hope, for not leaving sooner because I deserved better .. I can’t help but to think it’s me . I can’t help but wonder what he’s doing if he misses me , if Hes ever gonna regret how bad he’s hurt me . I’m sad and miserable and I don’t know why because he doesn’t deserve to be a thought in My head . I’m not sure what I’m asking for , advice anyone , does things get easier .. any positive break up stories because I’m taking this so hard . I don’t Want my kids to see me cry anymore . I know I longer wanna go back because if I stood and accepted the way things are and the way he is for another year id never be happy . I believe I did everything I could as a partner as a mother .. catered to him, worked, cooked , clean, had his back even when I knew he was wrong, stayed loyal. anything he wanted I gave as much as I could. I miss him and I know that’s not a good enough reason to want to be with him. I guess not being a family like i wanted is what is hurting the most . writing this has made me feel better .. I feel so alone though . And trying to push through this but it’s very hard ..
I am also so bad at myself that I let him come back a 2nd time to do this all over again. This time I fell even harder for him. Not one tear since he filed for a divorce. I can’t stop.
Just keep getting beaten down. I am 57 he is 63. I would have thought by now he would be over this stuff. His mom was also a narcissist. He is her now.
Your right blind, they see themselves as perfect but the rest of the world doesn't sad actually
You're trusting, you loved him, you wanted to believe in the sustainability of the relationship. You were loyal, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that - it's just that you're with the wrong guy. He doesn't deserve you at all. Try not to worry or daydream whether he's missing you or not, or to believe you should he beg you to return. What he says and what he does are different things, so just know that he can never be trusted again.
FUNNY THING IS that he made his MOTHER contact me today to see if she can pick up the kids (s0 that he can see them) because he doesnt HAVE THE BALLS OR RESPECT to reach out to me himself .. His mother babies him so much and never sees wrong in him. she almost finds every excuse for him as to why he does what he does or did to me and what i shouldn't have done to him or i should have "nagged" .. she also has mentioned to me how i should write him A LETTER . i guess to kiss his ass and beg for him back.PLEASE TELL ME WHAT THAT WOULD DO AND HOW IT WOULD CHANGE THINGS? shouldn't she be telling him to write me a letter? it would be a huge shock if he actually stuck around for the whole day to spend time with his kids. Idk why out of a sudden now. maybe it was just me the whole time? BUT I DID give him several times to let me know if he was happy, if this was what he wanted and each time he said this was what he wanted and how i should stop "fucken asking him". anyway, I said yes to his mom to take the kids for tonight, did i really want to say yes?? NO, because its not his moms responsibility and i wanted to be the bigger person PER USUAL, Im constantly thinking about his feelings and how he's gonna feel HAD I SAID NO, and i don't know why i constantly think about his feelings when he doesnt care what so ever about mine. its like he still almost taking control. when she took my kids, I STARTED TO CRY, i was so overwhelmed just thinking about how my kids were going to act especially my daughter, I wondered if she was going to realize mommy and daddy aren't together and become sad. silly as it sounds i did start to even cry some more if my daughter realized all her stuff in her room is packed up. (I'm currently at my parents house with my kids since i packed up and moved out of our place) i tend to OVERTHINK A LOT!
I can't not wait for the day I'm completely over him and genually happy. one minute ill feel okay. the next I'm crying, and the next i feel angry for allowing myself to be sad all over again ANOTHER YEAR OVER THE SAME BS he's already done to me. I pray i get stronger and open my eyes more and more each day.
I get my kids back tomorrow. HIS MOM IS DROPPING THEM BACK OFF TO ME, well see how long after that until he decides he wants to see his kids, all i know is that I'm not REACHING OUT TO HIM, IM NOT GIVING IN TO HIM ANYMORE, I WANT BETTER AND DESERVE BETTER.. You know even after i did mention to him that he could see his ids Monday-friday after 4:30 at my parents house while I'm working YOU THINK IF HE REALLY WANTED TO SEE HIS CHILDREN HE WOULD OF went and saw them, HE HASNT, HE DIDNT, AND WOULDNT because its not what he wants, where he wants to take them ect.. but I'm here being the bigger person and allowing him to take my kids for the weekend. a lawyer is out of the question. i can't afford it right now, especially with me just working and busting my ass off. if he wants to threaten me with court after the fact that i feel like I'm being reasonable well than i guess bring it. sorry for the long post, i just wanted to get my feelings out.
It has been hard, probably because he could be so endearing at times, but a healthy relationship does not make a partner feel bad about herself or start making excuses for her partner's behavior.
What has helped me is that at first I started finding positive sayings that rang true for me, write or print them out on the computer and then tape them where I can see them every day. Also, I started attending church again, which really helped as well.
You can start over, you are strong and God is with you. Believe in yourself, girl!
IM TRYING! ALTHOUGH IT SEEMS THAT IM NOT. Some days i feel ok and some days i feel so depressed its almost seems ill never get over this. I take a step forward and than i take steps back missing him. (like today) sometimes i worry how im going to pick the pieces back up and get back on my feet. I dont know where to start or where to begin, but i have faith ill get through this. (currently crying) The word stressed or depressed does not even explain what i feel its much more than that. i just gotta push through for my kids. I will never know why hes hurt me so bad nor will i ever understand because i was good to him what every man would want. and i just have to accept that.
The best thing they say is to leave the narcissist and never look back. I know this is hard because they are addictive. Although you KNOW they are bad for you you keep going back for more and can’t seem to cut them off. That’s because you remember the masked part of them. The person who pretended to be kind, loving, your soulmate. That’s how they get you attached. Also, they only target the vulnerable, sweet and honest people who give them second, third, fourth chances.. give them the benefit of the doubt, who try to see the good in them. However, they are no good in their bones. They are evil, and they do not look at relationship like normal people do. Once they feel they got everything they needed from you they get bored and throw you out to get their new supplies. They will come back to you over and over again if they did not find the right new supply, one that isn’t as good as you were, but they will leave again and throw you away like you were yesterday’s trash.
Please, for all you narcissists abused, watch this man’s video from YouTube. I was referred to him by my narcissists support group in San Diego and I watched almost every one of his videos. It has been the most helpful support that I’ve gotten. It’s truly an eye opener. I think you will learn a lot about them and yourself. I learned that I was completely normal, and it was him who brainwashed me and almost put like a spell on me. Now I’ll never ever will go back again. No contact is your best bet. Please please be strong. You are not alone. There is NOTHING wrong with you. You are the normal one. He is the sick one. If you were in a relationship with a normal man he would have adored you for ALL you have done and put up with. I’ll leave the link to the video here. I think his name isQuinn y Assc Direct or something. He even has a small movie out to demenstrate and educate about narcissists.
https://m.youtube.com/channel/UCYotx7-zHSpnE1-CpXpHF6Q