Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

13,010 Members

100,360 Posts

0 Online

Strong4me2017 08/13/2017

Tell me I'm not crazy I can't seem to bring myself to erase all the text messages from him I still have all the old ones from before he left. I feel like if I get rid of them I'm erasing him and the 8 years we had together. I have all thr pbotos of us put in a box except for one. It's in a drawer and every time I open it I see this happy couple that no longer exists. I want to put it away but I can't seem to let go. I don't know why I hate this feeling I was doing so good for so long and now I feel the depression sinking back in maybe it's because the divorce is so close and after that it's the end l. I'm not ready to have it end even though our relationship is over it feels like there is still a glimmer of light and after court all the light will be gone. He will done in my life and just another stranger on the street. He is still my husband right now that's how I feel. My heart still jumps when he calls hoping to hear a kind word but I never do. I feel so pathetic why do I do this to myself? I tell my friends I'm ready for the divorce but I'm not ready for the end. I don't want to be divorced I miss my old life having someone to come home to and wanting to know about your day a kiss goodnight and an I love you before leaving for work. Now my new life it's just me and yes I like the independence but I miss the love. Please tell me I'm not crazy and if I am....lie. Hugs everyone

tejema 08/13/2017

YOU'RE NOT CRAZY!! Keep repeating that until you believe it. You are going through a major life and emotional change and by the sound of it you are doing VERY well.

There is no linear path or timeline for moving on. Don't try to hold yourself to one. I'm sorry you are going through so much pain. The divorce being finalized will also be a painful day, so be prepared.

You will, one day when you're ready, put all the photos away even that last one. You will, one day, feel better. You are missing him but it also sounds like you are missing the idea of him - the companionship. I'm living that now. You are lonely and maybe you don't see an end to that. Just give yourself time and remind yourself it's OK to feel sad, lonely, depressed, miserable, scared, etc.

Hang in there and hugs to you!

-TM

sjs777 08/13/2017

you're not crazy at all. we all have to mourn the loss of our relationship. for me i accept that there were many good times as well as many times i will never forget and thats ok. i too miss the comfort of being in a long term committed relationship, yet i realize we can't force people to want something they no longer want. Another big realization for me was accepting I wasn't to blame and that I'm not a bad person. With that realization comes the idea that there is someone out there for me, and in the meantime i learn and grow and get to know me as i heal.

ripped_my_heartout 08/13/2017

You are not crazy. It is very hard to let go of the past and move on. Try therapy and join a divorce group. This helped me greatly. It's been over 10 months for me and I still go to these.
Grief has its own timeline and it is different for everyone. Grieve, but shift the focus on to you. Do not neglect yourself. You can only control yourself, can't control what happened or what other people do.
Stay strong...you'll get through this.
-HUGS-

enfieldguy 08/13/2017

You are not crazy, I would be able to give up much, much less than you already have in such a short period of time.

Strong4me2017 08/13/2017

Thanks everyone I have thought about therapy it's just not something I can afford right now and as for a divorce group I live in a small town in the middle of nowhere

Broken9 08/13/2017

You're not crazy... I feel the same pain you do, when I thought I was better, it all ce back and I reverted :( one day, you'll want to delete the texts, and you'll take a step forward, no one but you will know when that day comes, but it will.. stay strong, time heals, but when you're in the moment it's hard to imagine...

PeteMason 08/13/2017

Regardless of how you feel it is natural to do so, and no you are not crazy in any way. You are a loving person which makes you a BEAUTIFUL person, which makes you the best type of person of all. Just remember time is your friend, meaning this phase will pass, and who knows, quite quickly perhaps.

Finallyfreemyself 08/13/2017

Hi you're like me. Clearly not over this person or the relationships. I do think having that one picture there to remind you keeps you hoping. The only way I was able to let go was force myself to erase the messages and pics. I still get texts from her that make me hope too but they are more to remind me of her misery. It takes everything I have not to fire back. Getting closure is TOUGH! You have to do it at some point though.

Lenoire 08/14/2017

Analyzing why you would do this to yourself, saying there's a glimmer of hope when you know there is no hope, might help you understand yourself. You may not be crazy, but the actions you're taking, pondering over photos, and believing in something that isn't there, is damaging and will certainly drive you crazy with time.

Be your own best friend. Stop idolizing him and look at all the reasons you're divorcing. Write them out or draw them in a picture and tape them to your fridge. Keep this at the forefront and stop going down memory lane, it will only hurt you. Put down the photos, burn them or put them somewhere for years down the road when you can view them without feeling what you're feeling now, and move on with your new life.

jojored 08/14/2017

I agree with Lenoire, you are on the road to driving yourself crazy. You're in that transitional period of time where you're in the middle of the divorce. It's a kind of limbo, and the longer a divorce takes, the harder it is to remain in limbo with your sanity. It's hard to heal when you're undergoing new fresh pain. The visual reminders on the fridge are a great idea. I had a very unflattering picture of my ex husband on my phone, and also a snippet of passive aggressive behavior in my wallet. When things felt overwhelming, I would look at the picture or the passage and it was a smack in the face about what I was trying to get away from. It jolted me into action, into a better frame of mind. 3 months post divorce, I ran across that photo on my phone. I deleted it immediately with a 'yuck'. The passage I will forever keep, it's a reminder of what not to have in a relationship.

You have a giant bandaid which you can take forever pulling off, and endure low level pain for what seems like forever, or you can take a deep breath and rip that sucker off. There's usually less total pain with a giant rip. I say delete the messages right now. Bury that photo just a little deeper into that drawer, or better yet, move it into the box.

Good luck, stay the course.

jojored 08/14/2017

Oh, I'm in a small town too, and the nearest divorcecare group was about 20 miles away but so not my thing. I joined a free monthly divorce support meetup group. I drive an hour each way to it, but it's been a god send. There's something to be said about being in person with others, sharing divorce stories and strategies for healing. Therapy I just did as marriage counseling, about 6 sessions. They were very revealing to me.

yougospam 08/14/2017

you are not crazy. I broke up with a man last year and kept some of his texts even when he got remarried. One day as I was re reading them for 1000th time I thought this is silly and erased them. As far as my ex husband tho, that was a lot harder to do. We were married for over 7 years. I went in spurts as to what and when to get rid of things. One time it was all of his cards he'd given me, another time it was all of our pictures. Yes, I cried during most of this "cleansing" but I didn't want anymore reminders of our once happy life. I still have a few wedding pictures and my ring but they are tucked away out of site. We didn't have kids together so I feel there is no need to keep anything.

There is a lot to be said about living in the past (keeping the reminders) and moving forward to our new lives. Good luck as you struggle through this journey. I am 3 1/2 years out and feel pretty darn good considering where I started. Time is truly a healer, I am living proof.

idontmakeherhapyenuf 08/14/2017

DivorceCare was very helpful to me and I highly recommend looking to see if there is one you can join in your area.

purplevelvetheart 08/14/2017

You're NOT crazy. Your heart is broken, is all. It's going to hurt, and there's no way around it. The trick for me was to just let it hurt - lean into it. Every day. Say, "This hurts and I hate it" but know that it's just a season in your life and it will pass. It doesn't seem like it now, but it will happen. You will look back on this and won't believe that you could ever have felt this way. They're yours and there's no need to try to justify them or feel guilty about them. Just feel them -- that's what they're for. And they will change. Just trust in that. You're going to be okay.

Join the Conversation