I know the lows can be terrible--- and just when you start to feel better, wham! ---the pits sneak up on you all ninja-like and you have swords through your heart all over again! It is upsetting that others will add to our pain...I think they mean well by trying to get us angry--- but they haven't a clue that sometimes ignorance is bliss! It will get better and worse,,,but then it will get better again for longer periods of time. I'm here to cheer you on Jim!!!! Lots of hugs your way!

hey jim
of course you will be ok again.
You were right in cutting the woman off. and next time she rings either dont answer or stop her in her tracks if she s just venting to you.
You do not NEED her venting to you!
I believe in Karma and I ahve seen it work. so concentrate on yourself and let fate sort your wife out
sweet dreamss
xxxx

I am sorry Jim. I am struggling myself so it is hard to give reassurance but I am hoping, by looking at all these other people here who have been through this hell that we will in fact be OK..... Hang in there!

Jim - I am so sorry buddy that you feel so bad. Holidays can be hard enough without something adding to it.

I pray - know - that you will be fine. You are a great guy - you only deserve the best life has to offer.

Take care - Gerry

Jim, I always say its a sprial starcase, keep climbing and you'll come around again to the side in light. Backsliding is understandable at Christmas and I dare say many of us slid a little this weekend. And damn! A friend ran of with your wife? That's an especially tough one to overcome. I have just now said a prayer for your peace.

I'm so sorry dear.

Why would knowing that she cheated on you make you feel like less of a person? I hope you do not equate your self worth with being cheated on. People do shitty things like cheating because they have no hearts and don't care about how their actions affect other people. If they did care and found that their feelings for their partner were waning, they'd make a clean break before pursuing someone else.

People who cheat are the ones with low self esteem. They can't break up without having someone else to go to and have it set up prior to the split. How confident can they be? They have low morals and don't care about other people and you think YOU'RE the one that is worthless? No dear. You are the one who is aching over such a preventable, cruel act. You are the one with heart.

It IS her loss.

Life does have a way of working these things out in the end. Earlier this year I read a statistic in an article about cheating. Fewer than 2% of relationships that begin by cheating last a lifetime. There is a 98% chance that they will break up. It's probably only a matter of time.

Great advice already, but I would ask the friend not to inform you of such things.. tell her you don't care to know as you ARE moving on.

Vindication comes from the respect your kids will show you for being that stand up guy. You'll most likely get it again after the ex's train wrecks.

It does get better. And I know that this is a small backslide for you. You are strong, and a wonderful person. You will feel better soon. The holidays are a tough time of year in general and for those of us going through this loss, it can be exceptionally painful. But know that you will get through this and be a stronger and better person for it.

And don't ever forget that to your friends and family (that includes us here at DS) you are special and you are important.

Hugs

I'm so, so sorry... I hope the Xanax helped, gave you a peaceful sleep.... cheating is much more about the other person's issues. My soon-to-be-ex (STBX) had an affair after 5 years of marriage.... we went through a year of counseling and STBX had another affair with another woman.... instead of ending it like a normal human being, STBX chose to promise to never ever cheat again cuz I was the love of life and blah blah blah... and did it again. Not all people are like this. Some people say what they mean, mean what they say, and are capable of being honest and faithful.... The pain of being with someone who can't or won't behave that way is excruciating... the person you love and trust most in life ripping your heart out, no easy feat to bounce back from... I still struggle, some days are worse than others, but I concur with everyone else's posts, it does get better, really does. Wish there was a way to make that healing process faster for both of us... in the mean time, I guess we just keep our noses above what is for me the darkest waters I've ever known... Hugs to you!!!!!