Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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strumphyy 04/01/2009

I don't know why this has come to trouble me, why I need to understand this..After all, it is not a problem with my mind, it is with his.

I just can't understand it..How could he turn his back on me all of a sudden and for good? He went on that tripp and when he came back, he broke up on the messeneger. I never saw him again, ever since..He didn't even tell it to my face or care about me to ask me if I will be ok? Nothing..One week before he had told me that he loved me! And then suddenly he leaves like that, forgetting everything...

In this month and a half he never once tried to call, to see me, ask me how I am doing? He has no ideea how painful it was...

OK. I CAN understand the break up, I swear I can..But all this indifference for someone you have shared so much with? Doesn't he know he left me in this pool of questions, about myself, about any relationship I will ever have? Does he know how much he has hurt me not by leaving me , bu leaving me like THAT, like someone not worth checking upo..

I am in so much pain right now...

deleted_user 04/01/2009

I am sorry you are hurting. My ex husband did the same thing to me. I never saw it coming. I went on a trip with my daughter and on my way home, he called me to tell me that he left. No explanation--nothing. I still don't know why he left. I found out later that he cheated so I am glad that he is gone but I would have liked to have some reasons. Take care

pemdcat 04/01/2009

This maybe his defense mechanism..... if he doesn't have to see or talk to you it is easier for him to justify.....I know that I didn't want to see my now X for any reason...it stirred up old feelings...( she filed) but to not see or talk to her made it easier for me......I personally feel it is his way of dealing with the hurt he has caused....

ChiTownBear 04/01/2009

I don't think they really think about the other person cus if they did, they would be filled with guilt and might not do what they have. I think it takes a real good sociopath to treat others how you, me and mostly everyone here has been treated.

I know the hurt, the wondering WTF?, how off it is that someone can one day say I love you, can't live without you then two days later be gone. It is mind boggling and down right cruel of them and heartbreaking for us.

Soon you are just going to have to resolve the closure without real closure. You will see the answers to those questions and be able to be at peace with all of it and on to a happier and healthier life for you.

*bear hug*

deleted_user 04/01/2009

I know how you feel. I was gone for a week and when I came home everything changed. I still do not know why. I think some of the others are right. This is his defense mechanism, his way of coping. He cannot face you without facing his own flaws and at this point he is not mature enough to do that. Hang on, you've got friends.

strumphyy 04/01/2009

Maybe his indifference and not being able to have any contact with him helped me forget him faster. But I feel so betrayed and shocked, to how he handled this..Nothing, no concern about how I am doing..And he said he loved me..

zouga 04/01/2009

When a narcissist says I love you, it means they love what you do for them. This is not the definition of love. It's totally selfish. They truly believe what they say, so if you did speak to your ex, you would still not get honest answers or closure. I know it hurts. I'm still getting e-mails from my stbx. One e-mail says he loves me, the next e-mail tells me I'm a terrible person and our separation is all my fault. You can't be logical when you are dealing with a narcissist.
Hugs!

deleted_user 04/01/2009

I am very sorry that you are hurting. Maybe it is just easier for him to cut himself completely off from you, not only for his sake but yours too. Because he knows what you two had together, at one time, and knows just how much pain this would cause for you. You know, sometimes it is easier to just ignore/avoid those really difficult moments in life than it is to live them.

ChiTownBear 04/01/2009

I so get how you feel. The silence, the lack-a-dazicle attitude like you don't even exist, and they feel they can just be mean and nasty when they do call demanding something. It is definitely something I will never understand. I just don't.

I think those that handled the situation this way are nothing more then cowards to do things they way they have. Like they tried to slither away quietly.

cowards

deleted_user 04/01/2009

i'm afraid sadly i can relate to exactly what you are going through... one day so "in love" , the next day gone... refusing to take calls or emails or messages to explain what the hell happened and why??? it's very very hurtful... i don't have advice because i'm going throught this also.. i can only be somewhat glad that we are not alone... others have been through this and are surviving

strumphyy 04/01/2009

I think it's just indifference..They simply don't care about us anymoe, are simply not that into us anymore..So why bother talk, explain? I actually begged my ex to meet him face to face, for an explination, but his reply was: "Why should I be made do,something I don't want to?"
Needless to say it hit me like a rocket..:(

ChiTownBear 04/02/2009

"Why should I be made to do something I don't want to do?" Really? Srsly?

Wtf? Is he 2?

I can imagine this hit you hard. indifference or not.. just not right and cowardly regardless.

*bear hug*

deleted_user 04/02/2009

i understand this.

my stbx asked for divorce via text message....maturity....this is AFTER he told me about his girlfriend (we ARE married, i may add) dumped him via text the summer before and how terrible he thought that was...LOL but he did the same thing

your mind is reelng and you want answers. No it isnt fair what he did, but if he did give you an answer would it change the hurt you are feeling right now? You would still feel the pain, trust me. What if he gave you some lame ass excuse and you believed him. It prolongs the pain...seriously. I tortured myself by reading a whole lot of things I wished I hadnt and by asking questions I didnt want to hear answers to ...truth or lies.

the bottom line is it just plain hurts. Find the path to healing and I wish you the best

strumphyy 04/02/2009

I guess I can't believe that change in him..But I know if I did get an answer it would sadden me more..It's like when someone we love does a really crazy thing that affects all of us..And you can't believe it happening..And you're trying to stop it..He did this to what we had..to our relatinoship(though we did have problems, I thought we were working on them)..He just threw everything away..

deleted_user 04/02/2009

I totally know how you feel and I'm sorry to hear you are going through this mess. However, just know that there is better out there. Don't waste your time moping over an asshole. Just say, "Yes" to yourself and "no" to Him,if he ever calls back. Oh, and "Next" to the next hawt guy who comes your way.

lycesq 04/02/2009

I agree with the other posts. He doesn't deserve you. Take time for yourself to heal. Look at and listen to the other posts - some good advice. We are here for you.

Lynne

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