Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I posted a few days ago about my boyfriend breaking up with me. Unfortunately, I have no family and my funds are limited due to a job change so I can't just up and move out. I don't know what to think or feel. He wants to remain friends and is there to help me out any way that I need financially or emotionally. We have been saying that we need to sleep in separate rooms and although it's the right thing to do, I dont wanna sleep away from him. Most nights he gets drunk and cuddles with me. We've mistakenly had sex twice in the 2 weeks that we have been broken up. He's told his family and best friend that we are broken up, but when we are around people that we have met fairly recently, he treats me like a girlfriend and tells them we are together because he feels that it's not their business that we are broken up and that it would be disrespectful to me to say he's single and do single things in my face when we are anywhere together. I believe he is texting other women although he says no. I'm dying inside. The other night, he drunkenly got back together with me because he said he doesn't want anyone else. Then he woke up at 6 in the morning and said he meant everything he said but getting back together was a mistake because we have to fix ourselves first. I was so heartbroken all over again. Now, he is insistent that tonight is the night we sleep in separate rooms. I know it's for the best, but I dont want that. I dont want to lose him. But if we are going to separate, then I need to live in a different apartment and never speak to him again. I can't be his friend! My question is, how do I deal with this? I have no family, my friends are 17 hours away, and I cant afford to move on my own right now. How do I deal with this and not be depressed and cry every day?! My heart hurts so bad.
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Hi All.... It's great to see all of the new people joining the site... I'm loving it!!...smileI'm not sure if people are aware that if you don't have Bipolar Disorder but have a loved one who has the disorder we do have a board for people to go to in order to share their experiences and seek friendship, support or adviseIt's the Friends and Family of Bipolar Board.... I hope you'll take a...
You guys aren't kids, maybe time to stop acting like you are. Somebody needs to grow up and move on with their life.
Even if he is not beating you, he is abusing you. Contact a nearby women's domestic violence center and see what they can do for you. There are shelters, social services, housing grants, etc. Sam Vaknin on youtube has an excellent series on narcissistic partners. Sleeping in separate rooms, deciding to break-up while living together--none of this will work. You are emotionally involved, and in an addictive relationship (read up on this type of relationship, I've been in several myself.), which is why you end up cuddling with him, cannot let go, etc. no matter what he says/does. The only way to tend this, and it sounds like your need to do so, is to physically separate from him, period. I left my ex, we'd been together for nine years, and I had no one and nothing, except for pets and a car. I was homeless for seven months, but I got through it. Sadly, I am just ending another bad relationship--not as bad as the previous one (which was really, really, really bad), but still bad, but this time I have my own home, still have a car, enough of an income for survival. Still no friends, but I have a couple of nice superficial acquaintances, which is more than I've ever had before. Read up on the cycle of domestic violence- google it. You are in a really chaotic relationship, and if you don't eventually end it, you will end up with kids, alcohol, drugs, poverty, etc. and the hole you will have dig out of will be far, far deeper than it is right now.
Of course, it takes an average of 7 times for a woman to leave an abuser.
Please use birth control. He might sweet talk you about babies, you might think that having a baby will make things okay, but all that will happen is that you will have a financial burden and a spouse who will also be a burden. How will you work with a baby? How will you afford day care? Your partner sounds very unreliable and unstable. Get out soon.
Women Who Love too Much--by Robin Norwood is the BEST book for women like you and me. You can get it cheap online, or from the library, used book store etc.
You are about to get badly hurt. Isolation is very bad. Thankfully, you have a job to lean on.