Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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aloneandafraid
aloneandafraid

My sbtbx and I ended our relationship on last Friday and I kicked him out. He called the police because l didn't want to give him his gun. I was highly emotional and upset and didn't really want him to go. The police made me give it to him. Afterward I gathered all of his personal items and placed them in the garage and left the entry door unlocked. On Tuesday he came to get his things and there were some leftover. He said he would return Saturday to get the rest and our tv. On Wednesday he came over unannounced with the police again to get his ss card and birth certificate. I am beginning to think he is setting things up to appear as I am unhinged so he can get the house . What do you guys think?

aloneandafraid
aloneandafraid
I am being so petty and I hate myself!
mirandac
mirandac
Alone, during separation and divorce you need
All the maturity you can muster. It is a brutally
Challenging time, your emotions and the rejection
Are screaming in your ear.

I hope you are in therapy, go to a divorce care
Group, many others have gotten thru this in one
Piece and with some sanity left. It is an insane
time and everyone is highly charged. HUGS
11Christmases
11Christmases
It is possible he's trying to show you as unstable. However, try not to worry so much. If the time the police came, you did not confront him, then he has nothing on you. He is the one who has a gun now, so in a way, it's good he brought them. I urge you to keep as little contact as possible with him and document every single contact. Divorce is a volatile situation and you may find you need a restraining order at some point. Even if you don't need that court order, the documentation will come in handy in case he tries to get one on you, or lie to the judge in some way. The more detailed you document, the better. Good luck.
jojored
jojored
You are not being petty. Your self-preservation instinct is kicking in, which is great.

I would add that you could send him an email, with read/delivery reciept, stating what you still have that is his, and ask him to please give you a heads up before he comes to retrieve it. Mention your suprise at the Wednesday visit with the police, state that you and he agreed to a Saturday visit and say something about how police presence is unnecessary. Try to have someone at the house with you so that things are documented by a third party when he does come. It does sound like a set-up. Be smarter about everything you do. Say and act as if big brother were watching, keep "your side of the street" clean and you shouldn't have anything to worry about.

I would also use this time to make copies of all financial paperwork. If you keep records online, make backups. Copy those tax receipts going back 3 years. If he has been fiscally irresponsible, document it. If he has expenses which you can tie to a gf, document that as well. Do everything you can to protect yourself. He is already ahead of you in his own self-preservation mode.