I'm really sorry to hear this, it must be really hard. But at 60 you're still young enough to move on and you deserve to be happy. Book an appointment with a solicitor straight away and get things moving, then don't look back. I'm assuming your kids may be teens or older so it will be ok. You will be ok. You deserve better.

Also- this jamagnes person seems to be spamming everyone and I would like to speak on behalf of myself and others to say it's pretty dark coming on here and praying on people's misery. I've just had it on my post and really don't need it. Go away.

Other than that, big hugs to you Amanda x

I am so sorry to hear this. You are right by your decision. Is he feeling sorry for what he did?

he says he is sorry and ashamed but he is not. he is just sorry he got caught. and for years he does not want to go anywhere with me and the kids, because what he tells the women he is going after is that he is not married, or living separately or something of the sort. he was excellent at hiding this 4 year relationship and I only found out because the woman called me. Perhaps she began getting frustrated when he was not committing or not giving more of his time. What also hurts is that we are now building a second house, our dream house which would have been for one of our daughters some day, the house we live in now would be for the other daughter. and I have spent about US $200,000 on this new construction while he has spent US $ 70, 000. I feel so betrayed by this because I feel that he let me spend all my retirement money thinking that we had similar goals but to know that all the time he had other interests. This house is not completed and now we will have to face divorce and separation of property and the disappointment of not being able to live as a family in our dream home. I have been with this man for thirty seven years . so to have to make this ajustment at age 60 is scary but I will be a wreck if I stay with him . I cant get past the fact that he was sleeping in the same bed with me while this four year relationship went on and I did not know. This makes me feel stupid and ashamed that I am so stupid. I was a professional woman, an accountant and CEO of a large company and now that I retired last year and now live on a pension I can hardly support myself to the standard I was accustomed when I go it alone.i was a good wife , mother and supporter of my family in every way financially and otherwise, I feel I did'nt deserve to be treated like this by him. I also believe that there is a child involved because I saw a receipt for the purchase of pampers in his wallet. He admitted to the 4 year relationship but denied that there is any child. I haven't told our daughters yet. They adore him . Should I tell them the truth about him. they are 24 and 27 years old.

Yes they are adults and should know the truth. And I would divorce him there's no point in living in this misery, my wife also cheated after a long relationship and yeah it hurts but being single is far better than being with a cheater

Glad you have lawyer and listen To them. Once
divorce starts its a financial game .Who gets what
and how it is to be divided. Your lawyer will look at
The long term and whats best for you not him. Its
All a business from then on.

I would tell your children after you filed not Before
just in case you change your mind or if they try to
Change it for you.

Therapy at this time is great if you are not going,
Divorce care.org helps with aspects of divorce
And the grieving process. Keep reaching out to
Loving supportive people. HUGS

amanda11, I am so sorry you are going through this. He seems like a coward to me. I mean who has a 4 year relationship without just leaving the person he's cheating on...unless he has a motivation. You need to figure out what that is. I would suspect based on what you've shared it could be financial and I would get a lawyer asap without telling him and really delve into your finances. It is possible this "woman" <hard to give her that credit> used a pregnancy to keep him. The problem with that is she could be seeking financial compensation and you will end up paying. If he did father another child, I hope a DNA test was done!! You protect you and your children as best you can. Look after your own physical and mental health, I highly recommend seeing a therapist to help you through. BTW, no reason for you to pay for this coward & his affair. And if there is an innocent child, his parents need to bare full responsibility not you!
Best of luck! HUGS

Wow. Please listen to the above posters. You will regret it if you don't.

Your financial future is at stake. Do not discuss anything with him and get a lawyer asap.

So sad to hear your story. I would run as fast as you can towards the lawyers office! Age don't matter and you need to take care of your wellbeing. The children will take it hard but at the dame time should realize you deserve to not deal with this treatment.
And please don't feel stupid or ashamed. He was wrong in so many ways. You only acted and did what a faithful wife would do. Its all him that should feel stupid. Stupid for throwing away something that could have been special. Its just sad sometimes that cheater don't see that.
I truly wish you the best and tons of strength through this had time. HUGS!

Sometimes I feel strong about going through with the divorce. But sometimes I justnwant to curl up and cry. Every evening I sit and wait for him to come home. He comes home late every day and I make myself a wreck, but when he comes home I feel better that he is home and not with her. yet when he comes he behaves as though all is well. I have put him out of our bedroom he now sleeps in our daughters room. She is away and soon enough I could hear him snoring and sleeping like a baby while I can't sleep or eat. when is this pain and tears going to stop .i don't want to change my mind about the divorce but I feel so weak sometimes. I am a strong woman in everything else. How can I be strong in this situation. What is wrong with me

Amanda don't feel bad that you didn't know what he was doing for 4years. My ex was a serial cheater and do good at it that I didn't know until he got careless.

I was 60 when my divorce was final. What helped me was remembering what I did and who I was before I married the ex.
You are smart, and will be okay. Be sure you get an excellent atty and a good therapist.

Hi Amanda, you won't believe it but it will get better with time. It is the most devastating period in your life. I understand about losing a lot financially, it is some crap...but it is material...concentrate on your kids and yes they need to know the truth. You do have the strength to get through this. Get a lawyer, a counselor and maybe sign up for divorce care and vent here, we have a really good group. There is nothing wrong with you, we've all ben there. Stay strong....

You are human and you have a heart and soul that
Is not damaged and you can love. Dont beat yourself
Up most of us here struggle. Detaching is the key But
that takes time. I tossed and turned for 4-5 months
Every night after the divorce, i had moved and had
no Contact. I could not detach before then, he was
totally Emotionally Detached and checked out
because he had a GF he was invested in her not
the Marriage or me. HUGS

Once you really go strict no contact you begin to heal and eventually over time you'll detach, and believe me it's a relief! I spent months in a depressed state and broke NC many times but eventually learned not to keep burning my own hand on the stove. Hang in there a better future is very real..

I feel so awful for you.

No one should have to live like that.

We all deserve peace in our lives.

This is a difficult time, but you will be free of this.

I still don't get it. Why any woman would want a married man. It blows my mind because I would never disrespect myself like that for anyone.

Im so sorry this is happening to you Amanda. What you are feeling is completely normal. After 37 years it is going to take you a good long while to get used to him not being there or caring about you but the truth is he checked out long ago. You are not stupid for the things hes done. He set out to hide it from you and he did a good job of it till now. That is not your fault. Do as the other posters have suggested, get a lawyer, try not to interact with him at all, look out for yourself, be kind to yourself. This is not going to be easy for awhile but I can tell you it will be okay eventually. You are in mourning for the death of your marriage and to recover from that will take some time.