I'm 45 years old. I can tell you that my level of self confidence, my maturity and my ability to learn from my mistakes has progressed significantly with my years.

So to answer your question...hell no. Not a chance. It's really that clear to me.

Maybe. You should just focus in on short term relationships for now so that you don't get stuck in the same pattern.

After talking with a friend I made on here (you know who you are. Thank you for being there) They helped me to look at a certain situation of mine from a new perspective. This also made me take a look at my past to see what I had been doing wrong in any relationship I have ever had. To me, I don't believe that we are pre-destined to be with the same type over and over again. Instead, what we need to do is to take a good, long hard look at what we have been doing in past relationships and change it up. Try a new approach. Once we can change our attitudes for the better, then we can bring in someone better than what we have had before.

I think we are destined to keep finding the same type of people, until we deal with WHY we are attracted to those type of people, and try and change ourselves.

Like you TML67 I am a nurturing type and want to be able to "fix" or "save" someone. Until I deal with WHY I am doing that, and learn to change myself and my behavior, I will be doomed to have similar relationships.

It's why people date addicts or abusers or cheaters over and over again. I know for me I am stepping back and focusing on myself, figuring out my own problems, and building my own self-confidence back up before I even think about dating again. It will be a really long, lonely, and depressing road, but I hope in the end I will be happy to have a happy, healthy relationship.

Now that I am out of my relationship, I realize how unhealthy it is, how depressed we both were, how insecure we both were, and how his addiction, and my codependency really shaped our relationship. He just jumped into another relationship immediately after ours ended, right now that is hurting me, but deep down I know that rationally, because I am dealing with my feelings and my problems and what went wrong in the relationship and why, I will have healthier relationships in the future.

I married a bad boy(like my dad) then dated a bad boy. For me yep I need to change that.

Urf...I married a woman who, I learned years later, suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder.

Then I met a new woman, when I thought I'd recovered. She's Bipolar. Everything was great at first, then she decided she wanted off her meds and the best I could do was get her to take 900 mg lithium instead of 1200. Add a family history which includes schizophrenia, and I had a nightmare unfold in what I thought could be a wonderful relationship.

Feel like I should change my name here to OBRFoolish!

So, yes, I'd agree that we are attracted to or attract the same kinds of problems.

I agree that we attract the same types of people. I also believe that it is only when we make healthy changes in ourselves that we can truly break that cycle.