Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I was listening to a local station in Philly and the morning crew was going on about Mel's rant to his girlfriend, playing the taped conversation. Well, several people called in with their stories and I was majorly triggered by what others said. The verbal abuse can be just as damning and vicious as physical abuse because the scars aren't visible, yet they remain much longer than any physical scar. Not that my ex was verbally abusive when we were married...ever...we never ever fought until the affair was discovered. Then I read his emails of what he said about me, how he played me for the almost year we went to counselling, and what he said to my face during our later arguments. He mentally made me think I could NOT afford to live on my own, still played my emotions (and still does) and make me think I could/would not leave the state with my kids b/c of what could happen. He made me afraid to do anything that could consitute it being wrong by the courts. I am still afraid of messing up (even just having a beer at my house) for fear of he will bring that into the custody. I am afraid he will badger me until I give in for 50/50 custody and goes about whistling in the house cuz he know he has me there. He will get what he wants. I am just saying the way Mel reacted to her was so damning. It's a power trip but why is so hard to get out of something like that? Not saying she's not a gold digger but a child is involved here, that should be taken into consideration.
And yeah, he sure seems to have been on a power trip for the last 20 years or so.
A child? He had a child with her? Why don't men like that make sure that there won't BE a child?
In any case, no one else's behavior is an excuse for Your Own. (Much as my kids would like to think otherwise....).
The fact that she records them, which is illegal and remains silent or says very little leads me to believe she was just trying to frame him and get some money out of it. Oh and they were secretly leaked from the police dept? Really? She leaked them.
It's a one-sided view of the horrible relationship of two crazies. He should have stayed with his wife, kept his pants on and not stuck it in the crazy.
=====================================
As for you my dear L, stay strong! This is a test and you are fighting for everything that is dear to you. Don't let the fucker win! Five years from now you'll realize how strong, dignified and classy you were as you are sitting with your children in a happy home sans the ex.
[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[L]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]
Couples really should find a way to vent their anger and frustration without tearing the other person down or using passive aggressive behavior.
I wonder who leaked that tape of the phone conversation to the press. Whoever it was, got a ton of money for it.
(((llmt)))
Lynne
I'm sorry the Mel Gibson rant was a trigger for you. Stay strong and remember, do not listen to what your stbx tells you--your attorney will tell you the truth about laws, custody, etc. The bad part of verbal abuse is the abuser plays on our worst fears. When he starts his threats, simply look at him calmly and say, "I will address that with my attorney." Do not engage with a verbal abuser--that is exactly what they want.
Many hugs of strength to you. Hang in there.
I can understand the callers you were listening to, and you being triggered by it all.
I was amazed at how much it sounded like my exS, especially when he was panting like a wild animal.
And I was amazed at how different it is to hear it taped, than having to listen to it on my own phone while it's happening.
I don't know if this means anything to you, but that voice is far away, in time and in space...the experience of being abused like that is far away. It's not in this moment, in this space, I, you, and so many of us here, don't have to "be" in that experience anymore.
thank God