I don't think all soccer moms do what they do cus they are lacking an emotional connection or something in their life. There are many that love being a mom. It is what they were cut out for and all their actions are out of love for themselves, their families and most of all their kids. They love who they are and what they do.

So how are they missing out on their life, if this is what they want it to be?

Hi,
I know first hand what you're talking about ZXJ. I was so wrapped up in my own coccoon of depression I wouldn't do anything with my STBX or kids. Part of why she's leaving is my fault. I'm working on the depression and maybe my next relationship will be better for it.
My wife for the past couple of years has been all about the kids. She took them everywhere. I used the excuse that my back hurt too much to go. Sometimes it was true but sometimes it was so I could get out of doing something I was less than thrilled to do. I'm not proud of it but that's what I own for my part of the failure. I'm sure there are other things also I just haven't dicovered them yet. But I'm woking on it =).

I think kids need a lot of attention. I think both parents should be focused on their well-being. It doesn't last forever. Balance yourself later. As your children grow, they need less. The trick is to know when to shift your focus from them to you and your spouse.

I agree...and here comes that word again. Balance. It comes down to balance.

This is my problem...I know what u are saying Rman...hard habit to break when they are your life. Honestly he said this is was brought my marriage down..or helped to bring it down. Sigh...I don't know how to change myself at this point. Mine are young and need attention.

I'm not trying to say that being attentive to your children is a bad thing, by the way. I'm just saying that when one thing takes over your life and other things are neglected, then there is a problem. Like some of you said, balance is key. My wife and I have 7 and 5 year old daughters. During these 7 years, my wife and I went out alone, as a couple only once. We saw some movie with Jodie Foster, about a dark house, or something. My wife has always slept in the same bed with the kids...since birth and still today. She doesn't know how to live without them by her side. When she goes to the store, she must have them with her. They are her crutch. So, this is probably beyond the soccer mom thing...I don't resent her for being with the children...she is a good mother...I just wish she would have looked outside her "box." hehe...I said 'box.' Kind of like 'snatch.' hehe...I said snatch...

Your wife is taking it to an unhealthy level for herself and for the relationship and you recognize that. One thing is recognizing and another thing is doing things to remedy it. How about encouraging family therapy? The children will also develop separation anxiety. My brother is going through this with his surviving children. Their divorce is amazingly complicated and painful for all. She is about to lose her children.

@ #21...trigger. Hits close to home, in a sense. I think we get wrapped up in it and it becomes habit. I just wished someone told me (mainly my ex) it was that bad. Communication is the key....you need to talk to her.

Soccer mom checking in......I never had the kids sleeping in bed with us, unless i was nursing a newborn. I LOVE going to the store without them. I tried to date my husband, he wasn't very interested, unless it was a lunch date and wouldn't get in the way of whatever plans he had that night.

When my kids were little, i didn't feel like i was missing out on anything by being the one who raised them. As they got older, i did want to go back to school and work, but he felt everything i suggested was "beneath me". He was proud that i didn't have to work. He himself was raised by a nanny, and didn't want that for our kids.

He saw value in my shuttling the kids around, cleaning the enormous house, entertaining, helping them with homework, cooking dinner, running errands, taking them to the doctors...He never made me feel bad about that and he definitely didn't want me to work. he wanted to be able to come and go, without any home responsibility and that is what he had. Every situation is different. I wish i would have ignored what he was saying and did what i wanted for myself, right about now. But I don't regret one moment of being there for my kids. I enjoyed all of it. I still do.

I'm sorry for the triggers and I'm sorry for anyone who has gone through this, or has family going through this...
But this is just one example. As I said earlier, a person could get wrapped up on anything and take it too far. The thing is that I have told my wife this so many times before. She has always said, I wasted my time going to college, because I have to work 2 jobs and it's my fault. We will never see eye to eye on this one. It's just amazing how clear things become AFTER the fact.

Hi soccerphillywhizchichousecleaner...
This thread should have been called something else, but I'm not sure what?

It should have been called Helicopter Moms, or Maniac Moms... lol.

Never make someone a priority when you are only a glorified security guard.

Rmyth - Big picture... you served your purpose. She was looking for a donor, and you were it.

rman - I think this is a good thread. I think it should open the eyes for some. It is a balance and that balance is extremely hard to find. I think it can work if things are close to balance, but when things become an extreme that is when it becomes a bad thing.

When you have kids your lives change tremendously. Priorities shift and the focus now HAS to shift from you as a couple to the kids. It's essentially splitting your time from 100% on us as a couple to now including your kids. My personal opinion is if you have kids you should be prepared to make that shift. Be prepared to shift your focus to your kids as well as recognize that your spouses focus will also shift from being on you 100% of the time to the kids. Things will fall through the cracks it happens. I don't know the answer...all I can say is that it is a struggle.