Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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fireserpent 03/22/2013

The last time I talked to him was the 13th of this month. The being friends things I guess was not going to work unfortunately and he blew up after a few minutes and told me to leave him the f alone. I plan on doing that. Here is the minor issue. He has my house key which is no big deal for less than $30 I can replace the locks if I am that worried. However he had a huge bag of his clothes over at my house. He gained a lot of weight when we were dating so most of the shirts are tight and there were a lot of shorts from last year which I bet will not fit. I am not in the least bit ready to see him so I am just going to pack it all up and put it in the shed for now and I am pretty sure since the stuff was getting tight on him he wont really want them back or call. We have no mutual friends so I cant drop them off somewhere else. My question is, if he doesn't contact me is there a certain amount of time I should keep them before I donate them or should I email him in a few months and ask him about it even though he said no more contact.

deleted_user 03/22/2013

I wouldn't give it very long. If he wants the stuff he'll come after it. Maybe just send a quick text telling him he's got ___ days to make arrangements to get it or you'll be throwing it out/donating it. This way he can't say he didn't know. Don't hold on to it too long.

deleted_user 03/22/2013

If he has an attorney contact you then get them to that attorney. If you go to a hearing involving him, then take them to the hearing. Don't risk having the ex tell the court you threw out his good clothes (even though you know they are too small). Fold them into a trash bag and seal it and keep it safe.

If you contact him, he can always say his computer was in the shop getting fixed, or his computer wasn't working right so he didn't get the texts or e-mails and then you're stuck. Don't throw the clothes out because it can come back to bite you. Also, when he finally gets them it will remind him how much he has changed!!!!

DON'T CONTACT HIM ABOUT THEM.

deleted_user 03/22/2013

P.S. I forgot to mention, I had to keep my STBX's clothes all through the divorce. He put all the clothes he didn't want in a trash bag and left them in our home. the attorney told me DON'T THROW THEM AWAY because he will claim you threw away his good clothes.

She told me to hold onto them. She told me put them in the garage and I did. When he hadn't gotten them and the home was sold and the new owners arrived and found the clothes, they called and my STBX had to go and pick them up.

My attorney made sure I could not be found liable his clothes. And it's really sad that you have to cover your behind on stuff, but there are divorces where a party is very difficult.

deleted_user 03/22/2013

Some good advice so far. I would like to add that you should put them in the attic or someplace with low humidity. don't put them in the shed.

fireserpent 03/22/2013

Thank You for the advice. With me there is no attorney. There was never a marriage. However I was worried about exactly what you had mentioned. If I just tossed them out it could come back to bite me in the rear later on. I have plenty of attic space and I know I have one of the space saver bags. I'll stick them in there seal them up and put them in the back of the attic.

MsBlank1 03/22/2013

I'm speaking from experience....DO NOT DISCARD HIS STUFF!!!!
My ex sued me during the divorce even though he had no proof of the item. He did not get the amount he asked, but I had to pay him $500.

Write a letter and have it notorized. Send the letter certified asking him to remove his items within 30 days or you will discard his clothes. If he doesn't reply by the 30 days, you can donate them. You can check this out with a lawyer or the police to make sure the of the exact procedures according to your state and the exact time frame needed for him to pick up his things, etc. Good luck.

utterpain 03/23/2013

Just leave his crap on his porch.

fireserpent 03/23/2013

Utter to be honest I can see so many things that would go wrong with that. He said to leave him alone and it could kind of look like I am not. If the weather messes them up before he gets them or if he decides to say he did not get them that could open up new problems. And to be quite honest I am not ready to see him to give his stuff back so I think I am just going to box them up stick them in my attic in a corner and not worry about it unless he contact me.

deleted_user 03/23/2013

do not loose it. pack it away! let him know by certified and witnessed mail that he is to remove it by x date.........and if he has an attorney, send the letter there. go thru a thrird party and have all witnessed.

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