Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
It's been a month now since The Bomb. Which feels like a good time to take stock.
While I do still cry sometimes, it's not all the time. Hey, it's not even every day which feels like huge progress. I'm sure the cat is grateful because now his fur has a chance to dry out.
I find that I can be strong for other people sometimes, which is kind of a nice change of pace. My outgoing ex had asked a mutual friend if she would still be his friend and she spent two hours crying on my shoulder about it because she feels betrayed and lied to by him (join the club ;) ). And I just felt calm, and centered, and able to offer her comfort and sympathy.
I did spend 3 hours yesterday talking with my outgoing mom-in-law, whom I adore. She's still in shock about the divorce and doesn't feel like she understands or even recognizes her own son. He's barely talked to her too, which is very out of character because they had always been really close.
Getting a feeling of closure or moving on has been difficult because most of his stuff is still here. So there are reminders everywhere. He has a new apartment now though, with her, has plans to come over next weekend to pick up his stuff. On one level I expect that day to be pretty hard, but hopefully it will also be helpful to just have his things gone.
I'm going to spend this afternoon with some friends out at the big beautiful park we have in town and just enjoy the sunshine and nature and the company. My outgoing ex never liked going to the park so it feels...liberating to go there when I want to. It joins the list of other things I can do now since he's not here to complain about it: burn scented candles, wear perfume, cook with onions, make meatloaf (yes, a male that didn't like meatloaf, WTH? ;) ), crank up the music that *I* like, watch whatever tv or movie I want to watch without comments about it, play whatever video game I want without comments about how this game or that game is so much better than the one I'm playing. List making is fun. ;)
While I do still cry sometimes, it's not all the time. Hey, it's not even every day which feels like huge progress. I'm sure the cat is grateful because now his fur has a chance to dry out.
I find that I can be strong for other people sometimes, which is kind of a nice change of pace. My outgoing ex had asked a mutual friend if she would still be his friend and she spent two hours crying on my shoulder about it because she feels betrayed and lied to by him (join the club ;) ). And I just felt calm, and centered, and able to offer her comfort and sympathy.
I did spend 3 hours yesterday talking with my outgoing mom-in-law, whom I adore. She's still in shock about the divorce and doesn't feel like she understands or even recognizes her own son. He's barely talked to her too, which is very out of character because they had always been really close.
Getting a feeling of closure or moving on has been difficult because most of his stuff is still here. So there are reminders everywhere. He has a new apartment now though, with her, has plans to come over next weekend to pick up his stuff. On one level I expect that day to be pretty hard, but hopefully it will also be helpful to just have his things gone.
I'm going to spend this afternoon with some friends out at the big beautiful park we have in town and just enjoy the sunshine and nature and the company. My outgoing ex never liked going to the park so it feels...liberating to go there when I want to. It joins the list of other things I can do now since he's not here to complain about it: burn scented candles, wear perfume, cook with onions, make meatloaf (yes, a male that didn't like meatloaf, WTH? ;) ), crank up the music that *I* like, watch whatever tv or movie I want to watch without comments about it, play whatever video game I want without comments about how this game or that game is so much better than the one I'm playing. List making is fun. ;)
Congratulations, you must be doing everything right. I believe attitude is everything.
I also think it helped me doing what he didn't like, and and that covered a lot of ground. it felt so good to be able to do anything I wanted, when I wanted, and yes that also included cranking up the music loud and watch what I liked on TV.
I wish you the very best, you are on your way. YYYYYAAAAAAYYY
((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))
And kudos to the cat who is drying out and cat therapy is good.
I think one of the things that's helped me a lot is how much I've been reading, here and elsewhere; it helps put things in perspective. Plus I've been doing an immense amount of writing, some here, some in private messages, some to friends and some just to myself. Being able to express what I'm feeling in words has always been very cathartic for me.
I'm also a survivor of an abusive parent while growing up and you just learn to...cope with some types of things, I guess. It certainly caused me to become very practical about things that you can't change, and about the hazards of dwelling too long on bad things and letting them paralyze you. Not that it's easy, not at all, you have to make a conscious decision every single day, often multiple times a day. And learn not to beat yourself up when you just don't have it in you that hour or that day to make that decision and you end up with a "falling apart" day. Which is a tough one to learn too and one I'm still working on. But hey, I'm still here to work on it, still here to have the bad days and the good days, and all of that right there is a huge victory.
I am also about a month separated. You can check out my story at my journal. I will freind you if that is ok. I think we have some things in common though you seem to be dealing with things a bit better. I am still very torn up and hurt from what has happened.. I tried to go camping this weekend with friends and I will admit it helped but had a couple melt downs during the weekend. luckly have great friends around me and quite a few of them to see me through. Family too my nephew drove 3 hours to take me to breakfast today and make sure i was ok... family like that is priceless at a time like this.
I hope you too have family and friends you can count on.
I wish you even more healing and hope I can learn from your posts...
Have a good night.
My family is on the other side of the country which is for the most part just fine with me. Given the abuse situation, I've never been especially close to most of them. I do have a good bunch of friends though, both here and in the previous state where I lived. They've been a complete godsend.
I had to laugh when you said "cook with onions". Soon after my divorce was final (and almost a year after she moved out) I was ordering pizza and requested no onions. The guy rang it up and as I was paying, I thought... wth, I like onions, so I asked him to change it. Such a simple thing, but I still remember how good that felt.
Also an idea that has been suggested numerous times for those of us still living in the home where we were once together: repaint the walls, move around the furniture...I'm sure kittah will love a furry/girly throw blanket to sleep on...a goodwill store in a bigger town is an excellent place to hit if you want get some fun furniture, end tables, lamps, ect. cheap that you can repaint and make your own...we also have a thrift store called Morning Star that has a lot of really great, fun art that is inexpensive and adds a more unique touch to a home for less. Plus going on the "hunt" for inexpensive treasures keeps the mind off of the pain.
Hugs!
I also realized that I'd left out one of my ongoing stumbling blocks. I'm not eating or drinking nearly as much as I should. I've been trying hard to at least drink enough water so I don't dehydrate and even that much is an uphill battle. Eating...after a couple bites I'm just not...interested. I've thought about it long and hard and I really don't think that I'm trying to control some element of my life by controlling what I eat. It's just not appealing or interesting at all. I do make myself eat, and I make sure that what's available is at least things like fresh fruit, veggies, lean meats so that what I do manage to eat is at least stuff that's good for me.
Has anyone else had being uninterested in eating come up as a difficulty?
We're also planning on starting up movie & craft nights once a month, just to hang out and work on projects that um, never seen to get finished otherwise. Good thing, I have a calligraphy project that I need to work on and fast since it needs to be done for next month. Unfortunately it's a memorial piece for a friend that died, or more specifically for his almost fiance (he had the ring and was going to propose on the anniversary of their first date) but it will mean a lot to her. She really needs the support right now and I'm...well, not happy, but glad to be able to do something for her.
sometimes I'll have a piece of cheese or ham... I drink decafe and haven't had a lot of water but I'm trying to have more..
It's all very hard.. between the loss of appetite, non sleep and crying. emotional toll.. its amazing what the body can endure....
Just try to eat small amounts at a time.. that is what I have done... now I have to get the water back..
I am going to start excersicing so I have to get the water up..
take care...
It didn't help either that two nights ago he brought over the divorce paperwork packet at beginning of shift. He just walked over, handed it to me and walked off without a word. It's so hard to see this....stranger instead of the man I married and loved.
He's coming over Monday to pick up more of his stuff, so hopefully that will help some. Having all those little things just be *gone* so they're not there as a constant reminder.
On the plus side I've unearthed my light table so I can get started on my calligraphy project over the weekend.
It's been about a month now for me too! I celebrate my 'strong days' and despair about my 'bad days'. I just want to be over it now. I want NOT to care about who or what he's doing. I'm hoping to start some counseling in the next week or two. I'm hoping that will help.
You had mentioned that its beneficial to you to write about your feelings. I'm doing that as well...I find comfort in getting my thoughts out of my head and onto paper.
I find I need to take this whole separation, impending divorce a day at a time. An hour at a time, sometimes a minute at a time.
Message me anytime you need a friend cause I do understand.....
Deb