Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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Blindsided 11/16/2016

Hi all,

I'm new to this site, but in reading some of the posts here, I believe I am in the right place. I have been broken up from my ex for 3 weeks now, and I can't stop thinking about him, and if it is really over. We still text and email each other, on occassion, and I can tell that he still cares about me. It hurts so much to not be able to be with him. I barely sleep, eat and function at work. I feel so lost. Let me give you a little background. We met at work in 2008. He was my boss. After about 3 1/2 years of working together, we became friends. He helped me through a tough time with my mother. I would listen to him tell me about the issues in his marriage. We fell in love. That's where it started. Now, flash forward to about 4 months ago. He left her and came to me. We'd spend the weekends together and he would live in their house during the week due to job logistics. He told her the marriage was over, did not want to do counseling, did not want an open marriage and told her about me. We were looking at houses and planning our future together. We found one and he put in an offer on a Sunday. On Monday morning, he broke it off. He told me that he didn't see a future with me. He had doubts about finances, family, self-confidence, and our ability to cope with these issues. I know this is pretty general, but it is so confusing to me that one day we can be texting and emailing back and forth 'I love you's' and such, and then the next day it is just over. Any thoughts on what the heck is going on with this? Any help would be appreciated...

thiscantbeit 11/16/2016

I am sorry that you are in this place. Unfortunately I can relate in more ways then I'd like to. I don't mean to sound harsh but here is my take. He was never going to leave his wife. He only said what he felt he needed you to hear to get what he wanted out of the deal. You offered him something that he wasn't getting in his marriage. But the novelty of that has worn off so he just wants to go back to what he is familiar with. To what he is comfortable with. Being with you would've meant work to rebuild and start over. Work that he is not willing to do. He is selfish and you are paying the consequences for that. He shared about his "troubles" to victimize himself so that you wouldn't see the true monster he can be. His set up at home is probably not what he was telling you it was. It may be hard to hear but, you may have to cut your loses here. Heartbreak is the worst! I know, trust me. But it is better to face it head on, process it, and allow yourself to work through it. And don't allow him anymore access to you. You have to give yourself the chance to process and heal. Just give yourself a chance. I know that one of the things that helps me manage is God. I know that people don't want to hear that but I can only share where I am right now. All I can do is continue to bring my pain and anger to God in prayer. I pray for healing and for God to help me to let go. I hope you can find what will help you though this. - Hugs

Blindsided 11/16/2016

Thanks, thiscantbeit. The thing about this situation that I didn't explain in my earlier post is that when we were working together, I got to see her in action. The things that he shared with me were true to the best of my knowledge being able to be around them both. And, she also showed her true colors once she found out about us. She used every trick in the book to make him feel guilty and lose his self-confidence. I know the whole time he had to go back to that house after our weekends together, that she just worked on him and worked on him, until he couldn't take the pressure anymore. She basically bullied him into staying. She actually went as far as telling him that I gave him an STD. Sick woman! I know he's not happy. That's the really hard part. I want to stay friends with him because he really is a good man, but I am just so torn up inside. I know I won't feel this way forever, but for now, it really stinks. One day at a time, sweet Jesus!

1Daatatime 11/16/2016

Your right. First it's one breath at a time, then one step at a time, then one day at a time. If his wife can bully him into staying that doesn't say much for his character. And not to be mean spirited but remember you got him through an affair. What makes you think he'll be faithful to you. In fact he isn't being faithful even now. He's back with his wife. He was/is unfaithful to both of you. Walk Away...fast!

Blindsided 11/17/2016

Thanks, 1Daatatime. I'm trying to get out of this vicious loop of loving him and hating him for ruining everything. Still in my 5 stages, I guess. I am so glad I found this site. It's been a real help, so far.

SassyGrace 11/17/2016

I feel the need to comment here.

I'm sorry for your pain, but you got played.

This person was still married. Period. How many of us have listened to the cheaters say "she's crazy" or " she doesn't understand me" about their WIFE to get someone into bed?

This isn't his wife's fault, he should have taken care of business before he got involved with anyone else,

Truth is, he wasn't sure what was going on with his marriage and wanted to have his cake and eat it too.

There is no way I would ever get involved with someone still legally married. No one should. If they choose to there are emotional consequences.

Sorry if this sounds harsh, but consider yourself lucky to have not been married to the cheater and move on with your life.

Blindsided 11/17/2016

SassyGrace, not all situations are that cut and dry. Yes, he was still married, but I didn't mention that he is also a 69-year-old man, not some young playboy who was looking for a good time. He is going to be diagnosed with Alzheimer's at some point in the future, if he hasn't been already and just didn't tell me. There are alot of factors here that I left out here. The last words he said to me were, "I am so sorry that I cannot move forward. You deserve so much better." We were together for 5 1/2 years, and we both saw a future together until he told me he was scared. Thanks for responding, regardless.

SassyGrace 11/17/2016

Mine was 65.

Married is married.

SassyGrace 11/17/2016

And he left her 4.1/2months ago, but you were together for five and.a half years?

So this was just an affair behind her back?

Listen, I'm sorry. I don't have much sympathy here.

He was a married man.

Blindsided 11/17/2016

Happens everyday, SassyGrace. Sometimes they work, too...

SassyGrace 11/17/2016

Wow. What an ignorant response from someone sitting there alone. At least you didn't completely wreck another woman's life.

If they'll do it with you, they'll do it to you. Keep that in mind.

Again, I have no sympathy.

Blindsided 11/17/2016

SassyGrace, it almost sounds like you were the wife that got dumped here. Too much bitterness in your replies to not notice. I am truly sorry for that, and for you. I will not comment any further because this is supposed to be a place for support, not bashing. You have done neither for me. Best of luck to you.

SassyGrace 11/17/2016

Trying to flip the script and attempting to put the focus on me does not make you any more sympathetic.

I'm honestly not going to "support" someone who has no concern or regard for the havoc they may be raining down on the lives or relationships of another.

And then YOU want support and compassion?

Sorry, you're a hypocrite.

Blindsided 11/17/2016

Touched a nerve, I see. Goodnight.

SassyGrace 11/17/2016

TRY and leave other women's husband's alone. It's really not that difficult once you work on your obvious lack of self esteem and morals.

Seriously, plenty of single men out there to plan a future with.

leila 11/17/2016

Everyone is so focused on the marriage and this and that, but the truth is that you are in pain and are here not to get criticized about having a relationship with but to get support and a way to heal your pain, one day at the time and with time you will the answers and see things more caml. Be strong this will get better

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