I have been married almost 4 years but with my husband for almost 14 years. We have had not an easy road, he was sexually abused as a child and we dealt with the civil court case not two years into our relationship, I had to go through his on again off again gender issues, cross dressing and depression which made me depressed as well. Constant stringing me along as far as children goes, said some day we would and then in March 2013 said to me no never and if you cant handle that basically I could leave. I was devestated and ended up making a decision I shouldnt have, i allowed my vulnerability to get the best of me and I ended up cheating on him with someone I met online. Well, it has gone from divorce to not divorce to open marriage to not open marriage. Thing is I wear my heart on my sleeve so i have developed feelings for this other person. I should have followed my head and not my heart or my anger. But the weekend I spent with I'll call him K was amazing and I am sure most of that was the lack of stress and or the "new" feeling you get with someone new and different. I know that i LOVE my husband just we got off track and like I said havent had the easiest 13.5 years but is it normal to feel less atttracted towards them. I felt sparks with K but life has become comfortable with my husband. I still want kids and now he says he does and always did but never thought I loved him "enough". I felt that i wouldnt have gone through all I went through and stood by as long as I have if I didnt love him. Maybe i didnt show him the right way but i none the less loved him but felt like i was being lied to about the kids thing for 13.5 years. We are trying to work on things but I cant get K out of my mind. I think we are all meant for many people romantically just never find them in the same time period. K is in the process of divorce and has 2 kids and lives like 7 hrs away from me. I know i was wrong but what am I going to do with being torn?