Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
The mornings are always the hardest for me. I wake up crying.
I saw him yesterday which has really weakened my resolve. It has confused me. He acted as if we were still a couple, and worryingly, I let him. I let him hold my hand as we walked down the street, I let him take me to lunch and be nice to me. I let him hug me and kiss me goodbye. He told me he loved me. This messed with my head. aNd again I am left a bit of a mess, thinking if he loved me he wouldnt have treated me so badly all those years or let me leave in the first place. When I first left he didnt try and get me to come back. So doesnt that mean he didnt love me, he just let me go, which I was glad of at the time ( three weeks ago now) but now I feel abandoned and scared about how I will cope.
I have made plans for the future in my new city but I feel I really want to just run back to him and my old life. How can I have forgotten how bad it was already?!
I have been reading over my old posts on here and I can feel my pain. Some of it was his abuse, some of it was that I was CoDependant. I spent a long time working on myself to get strong enough to leave and now I am feeling like this.... I know I cant go back but I really want to. How do I manage that? Any advice or help with coping would be great right now. x
He is trying to get you back and will do everything to do so. He knows you are weak and he is playing on your love and care.
Let him think you love him, but stick to the plan!!
Hugs
I told him: like life doesn't have to be so difficult - we used to have so much fun together, let's get that back and I think that if we stop living together, we can get our romance back and have really hot sex again and you can see whoever you want and I can see whoever I want.. I don't even want a relationship right now "
Don't let him reel you back in
I am not even sure he wants you back. My ex asked for a divorce 4 times then tried to get "me" to change my mind. and not get divorced. When I agreed to the divorce I did not turn back. I couldn't continue on that merry-go-round control game any longer Now that we are divorced, he e-mails and texts me he loves me, asks if we can go on a date, has left cards etc....but also has done/said some awful things. He gets no response from me whatever he throws my way. But he is also on a dating site trying to meet his next "victim". I was asking our old marriage counselor about this crazy behavior last week. He says you just see the very dark behavior at the end because of their loss of control. Does it make sense? NO....but this is what controlling men do. They want to maintain a sense of control over you, know you are still thinking about them, know you are not moving on with someone else. I wouldn't trust any behavior or anything he says at this point and, as difficult as it is, go no contact-it really is the only was you will heal. Read this book that Sam suggested, it is wonderful: "Why Does He Do That" Lundy Bancroft-I highlighted the majority of the book as it all related to my ex. Stay strong!
Second, I printed out a blurb about passive-aggressive behavior and I folded this up and have it in my wallet, so that every time I open the wallet, I see it. At times I read what it says, again to remind myself that I am not crazy, that his behaviors are f-d up.
Maybe you can print out a journal entry which sums up the pain he's caused you and keep it handy.
It isn't pretty.
An index cards. Everything, every time, every Memory on a
card then reread them when you get Nostalgic Or need
reminders.
I am glad You posted on E & A they know their stuff way More
than me. I know only what i know and Its not about sociopaths
and how they think and behave. To be honest they scare me,
Listen to the shelter people too. It sounds like you have been
doing therapy, keep close to knowledgable resources and
Support Systems. HUGS
I have been trying to work out what it is that I miss?
What do I miss?
I don't know. Obviously Im homeless right now so thats on the list. I miss the financial peace of mind, but Im not even sure I even had that as I had to ask for every penny. It was an easy life. If we had been more of a team I could have helped him in his business more. I need to remember that he was arrested and cautioned for harassing a 15 year old girl…how can I let these things slip my mind?!!
I should focus on the cold expressionless eyes he has.
This is why I usually jump into dating, to take my mind off this stuff, distract me. But I know I need to do things differently this time. This is temporary, it will pass. I keep reminding myself of that.
Listen to people with knowledge. You are
Very vulnerable right now. HUGS
Best of luck and big hugs.
predators are very scary people. They
are done With you on their time frame
and only when they Want to. Not the
other way around. Stay Safe with NO
CONTACT.
Contact your local shelter for support.
HUGS