Sounds quick, but sometimes, that's how it happens. If you don't feel like you would be taking too much baggage from your marriage into a new relationship, go for it. It's only a date, it isn't a life time commitment.

Go ahead and have fun. Reading your story gives me hope that once I get through this crap I can move on happily.

My opinion, you need to get the divorce finished before you can do anything else with dating.

Red: Are you saying that for legal reasons? Normally I would totally agree, but I've already told the stbx that she can go out with the OM if she wants, I don't care. I'm not going to hold her back. I didn't tell her that just so I could do the same (no OW, just sayin :). Honestly if that's what's going to make her happy, have at it.

Yikes, that sounded all revengey.. it's not, really.

Sometimes it muddles a divorce, other times people are fine with it until they see their ex spouse go out on dates and then the shit hits the fan.

If it is a month and a half I would say you are going way to quick.

You have to experience life on your own and be happy with who you are before you can think of making someone else happy or sharing new moments with them.

There is never a time frame but I can tell you living with your ex, means it is way to early.

At any rate, no matter what you do, take it slow. the heart does weird things when so freshly dumped and just about everyone is a potential match.

Best of luck.

I said it for several reasons. Legally it can be used against you no matter what you said to your stbx. I was counseled against even looking a little like I was dating. also In my state you have to go through Divorce /parenting class before you can be granted a divorce and they teach you that is VERY important to your own mental health and towards th thealth of your children to recover from the actual divorce before going out and dating with anyone. I tended to agree with everything that was taught in the classes, and subesquently have seen friends go down the road of dating before divorcing and have seen horrible things happen to them. there fore I just think for me it will be best to not date til it is all over with.

Funny, you can't register for eharmony unless you are actually divorced.

Did I miss something? Did you get divorced and I wasn't paying attention?

How did you get to the email stage so quickly through E-Harmony? The communication stages drag on for me. lol

I would be careful though. I am in agreement with Red. Get through the divorce first. You may be readily available for a relationship, legally, mentally, emotionally etc...

Good Luck

Wondering if you have any guy friends to hang out with? I find it hard to find female friends to hang out with. I only get offers from guys looking to date, and I'm not ready.

Hmmm... that's all true enough. Awesome input.

Not arguing, just adding: I've traveled extensively for the past 2 and a half years, six weeks on the road, one week home, so I've essentially been living on my own for a while. I know that's different than not being in a relationship, but stbx checked out of the relationship years ago. I don't know if that has anything to do with it..

eris: I selected separated? Maybe that was an interpretation?

nancy: it just went quick I guess.. we must have both been bored sitting at the computer all night?

Wind, just a few days ago you were wondering whether you should ask your wife to try and reconcile. IMHO, I don't think you're emotionally ready to date yet. You might want to hold off on adding another person (and her emotions) to the game.

*sigh* you're probably right. I think I'll take some time to absorb what's going on. I guess I'm just too excited about the feelings of moving on, and starting a new life. Dunno...

(actually, I just wanted to hear her say it was over again to reinforce it, but yeah, kinda). I've come to the conclusion though that even if she did come crawling back, it's still over.

I am in the same exact place as you...ever since I found out almost 3 years ago that he had multiple affairs over our whole marriage, I slowly started losing feelings. He checked out emotionally and physically a long time ago. So even though it's been only over 2 months since he moved out, I know I don't want him back, and I, too have been getting interested and excited at the idea of someone new. I still have a ton of feelings about everything...not him as a person...but you know, the kids, the house, the trust issues, self esteem, etc...so I know anyone I got involved with would have to be willing to kinda help me through this, and be patient until I am done being a mess...if I could find someone like that, who could handle the ME that I am today, it would certainly be worth their while.

Legally, I don't think it matters. I went for a consult with a lawyer, and he said that as long as we both want a divorce, it doesnt matter what the grounds are (NY). But i have been told by others also that, even if he was the one screwing around and still continues to do so (he's on facebook now as "single", which cracks me up), he may flip if he thinks that I am dating, which doesnt make any sense to me, but thats what happens sometimes.

All I know is that I dont agree with the BS that you have to not talk about your past, etc, if you want a new relationship. I guess if you are still in love with the ex its different, but i am not, and at this point, i would want someone who accepts me for me, good bad and ugly. I wouldnt want to have to pretend that I feel great when I dont...been there...doesnt work. Thats not the real you. Soooo, I guess what I am saying is maybe just be totally honest with whomever you meet,and the right person will be okay with that and want to be there for you through this, while at the same time getting to know you. I think it's okay to "date" like that right now, even though you're not divorced yet.

When i checked separated, it told me i was married at the end and gave me a personality profile. I have no idea how it gave you dates!