Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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MarkFarks 10/09/2013

I think that i'm getting obsessive thoughts about my ex :(

When we were together, she made friends with this champion tai-boxing guy, and one night we went out and she ignored me completely to talk to this guy. She said that she was angry at the time and treated me badly on purpose because i was acting jealous.

When she broke up with me, she said that it was because she needed to work on herself and told me that no one else was involved. I have deleted her from all my contacts, but recently i saw that her roommate and best friend just became facebook friends with this same guy. Is it just me? Am i going mad and having obsessive thoughts, because i feel like she is sleeping with this guy. Why would her roommate be friends with this guy, unless he has come round to sleep over or something? I know that her roommate is studying for exams and doesn't have time to go out.
I can't get this out of my head and i feel like i can't breathe when i think about it. I want to demand answers from her, but questioning her will make me look terrible, what if i'm wrong?
Do you people think i'm wrong? Or that I'm acting crazy?
I know that you will probably say that i need to get over it, but I already feel rejected enough, having been rejected because of some champion muscle boxer guy too? I feel like i need to know the truth.
Is that too much to ask for? It seems like the lies keep pouring in from her suddenly from nowhere... She told me that she made out with someone else 7 months ago because she was angry at me after an argument... All these things have come from nowhere? Where is this girl that i knew? I don't know what to believe anymore.

charliegirl29 10/09/2013

The truth is too much to ask for from a liar. I would answer the question for you but i dont have an answer and just an educated guess. It also doesn't matter if she is sleeping with him now because they are both out of your life even if i do understand your frustration and hurt completely....you dont really need validation for something you already know in your heart. Jealousy will ruin a relationship in a heartbeat....i know all about that green eyed monster.

charliegirl29 10/09/2013

Oh and i meant to say. I have obsessive thoughts i have to control and the number one way to control it and the affects on me is to believe in myself and thats where you need to start in my opinion.

MarkFarks 10/09/2013

I forgot to mention that i saw her last less than a month ago, and we were doing great, sex life was great and everything. Then out of nowhere she breaks up. Can someone even really be sleeping with someone else so soon already? I mean, we were going to get married and we talked about it often.... Is this sort of thing even really possible?

charliegirl29 10/09/2013

It is possible but its usually because someone is not emotionally graduated and i say that because of the things she did when.she became angry with you. People whose emotions do not get to developin childhood can make them behave in a manner thay is emotionally immature. She sounded like a very insecure person herself.

MarkFarks 10/09/2013

Wow, you are more right than you even know.
I always felt like she was terribly insecure, even at the start of our relationship. I thought that she would be more secure with me, she was so proud that i was hers. As time went by she started showing signs that she needed attention from men to make her feel good about herself. As a result i started getting jealous, because i really really love her. I wasn't terribly jealous at all, but some things irritated me, like she didn't tell her ex that she had a new boyfriend even though we had been dating for 2 years at that point.
She once told me that when she was a kid, people thought she was a freak and they didn't like her.
Maybe you are right... Maybe she never developed the ability to properly deal with her emotions and brought it into our relationship until it self destructed. I thought that i could overcome those problems and make her feel secure and loved.

ChiTownBear 10/09/2013

Can Someone be sleeping with someone so soon already? Yes
Can Someone lie and really be with someone else when they say they need to work on themselves and break up with you? Yes
Can someone cheat on you? Yes
Can someone make excuses as to why they kiss someone else? Yes

I am sorry dude, just from this little bit of information about her, it appears she doesn't have the same commitment to you as you did or will have for her. You may never get the direct answers to your questions, but in reading the round about way she is telling you how she is acting, should really be answer enough.

Welcome to the group

deleted_user 10/10/2013

Hmmm. Sounds like you were first, in what's going to be a long cycle for her.

Is she sleeping with someone else? Who cares? She broke up with you. That's all her, and has nothing really to do with you. She's searching for her "happy", and you weren't cutting it any more. No reflection on you, and best she did it BEFORE you got married, and had spawn of your own.

deleted_user 10/10/2013

I agree. You can't be her happiness. She has to find that on her own, and she's going about it the wrong way. She sounds very immature. At least she's probably somebody else's issue to deal with now. Move on from her emotionally as well as physically. There is someone better suited to you out there.

deleted_user 10/15/2013

My brother you and fall from the branch. Don't obscured distraction distraction distraction find them embrace them. It worked real good today

deleted_user 10/16/2013

Of course she could "move on" that quick, even if you guys were planning to get married.

Hell, my X got himself a girlfriend and we were actively married at the time haha

Seriously, unfortunately, no one is immune to this kind of thing. It's always harder for the one "left behind".

I agree...so much cheaper, and better (I think) that she did this before marriage.

Marriage does not stop people from misbehaving.

murphytoronto 10/16/2013

Try and focus on the bigger picture...that she is gone and you two are over
you have to try to focus on each of your days and find something meaningful to you in that day.
Use your friends and family if you have any, to vent....and a therapist
But you have no control or investment in how she behaves now.

She is not your life anymore
I hope your meds help
I am in week two of mine and maybe see a little shift.....BABY steps

deleted_user 10/16/2013

You don't need to know. Trust me. What would it accomplish for you to know if she's sleeping with him? Nothing but more anger, pain, and obsessive thinking. Walk away. Focus on YOU. If you don't stop focusing and obsessing over her, you are going to drive yourself crazy or make yourself physically ill. You have to stop. I know it hurts, I know it runs through your mind Lila broken record, get any help you can get your hands on, counceling, friends, books, seminars, work on YOU. Stop staring at what she may or may not be doing. You are robbing your own peace.

deleted_user 10/16/2013

I agree. The more time you spend focusing on her is the less time you spend focusing on you. YOU are what's important now. She's gone, and really good riddance. She wasn't right for you. Push her out of your mind. You will never get the answers you want because she is a liar. You are too good for her. Realize it and refocus your attention on to something positive, like your studies and soon career!

stillbitterjaded 10/16/2013

Demanding answers when she's made it clear she's done with you is a GOOD idea. Maybe she'll get a restraining order against you and THAT will convince you she means it.

stillbitterjaded 10/16/2013

Stop contacting, Stop with FB. Stop looking at her friends...roommates, family (because I know you are) STOP riding the crazy train. It doesn't show her 'how much you care' it doesn't PROVE that you're there for her. She very well MAY be nailing this dude. What er you going to do? nothing. You're broken up and she can sleep with whomever she wishes.

She'll move to that restraining order next. Is that what you want? do you WANT her to have no other option other than getting the police involved because YOU can't get over it? YOU can't accept it's done?

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