Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I'm struggling with obsessive thoughts about my Ex-w and her new man. We were back together intimately in May, and the next day she decided to start dating her new man and break it off with me. The thoughts are painful, especially since they wanted me to watch my son so they could have alone time together, and then since I ran into their vehicles at our former romantic spot on the river. The thoughts of them together are sometimes intrusive during my work day, but are much worse at night.
I started mostly NC except around visitation with my son, and I've not seen my Ex-w in person since May. That has helped some, as my stomach knots and my heart races when I pick my son up knowing she might be there and I might see her. So far I've been getting there before she is home from work.
I still love her, but can't condone the way I was treated, and thanks to this group and my therapist, I can see now, intellectually, how abusive it was. The heart is another matter.
Aside from gutting it out and NC, what have others done to maintain sanity and stop thinking about their Ex or STBX and the other man or other woman knowing they have already made the relationship physical? What works? How do you redirect and focus on your healing and your future instead of them and the pain that causes? How do you finally sleep again at night?
I started mostly NC except around visitation with my son, and I've not seen my Ex-w in person since May. That has helped some, as my stomach knots and my heart races when I pick my son up knowing she might be there and I might see her. So far I've been getting there before she is home from work.
I still love her, but can't condone the way I was treated, and thanks to this group and my therapist, I can see now, intellectually, how abusive it was. The heart is another matter.
Aside from gutting it out and NC, what have others done to maintain sanity and stop thinking about their Ex or STBX and the other man or other woman knowing they have already made the relationship physical? What works? How do you redirect and focus on your healing and your future instead of them and the pain that causes? How do you finally sleep again at night?
Do you golf? My gym has a driving range so a month or 2 after she left I bought some clubs as I haven't golfed in years.
Working on my drives and irons helped focus on something but her.
It's gonna take time though, you are very early in this. There were times I left the gym and range and still felt like shit but trust it's a process not an overnight solution. Like I said I'm 15 months in so I'm way better than I was but still think about her too much probably,
But not obsessively and I sleep fine. And I can enjoy a few beers or shots now without going into melancholy land. It's weird how it happens but time apart you just slowly get over them. For now really limit contact about kid only and text or email only. Even with our daughter who is 18 I would go a month or longer with zero contact ...none. It helped tremendously. I have to see her tonight for our daughters graduation and I'll be cordial for our daughters sake but that's it. And once this is over I'm not sure if I have to see or talk to her again for a long time...YAAAAH! Lol. Believe me you do better the less you see or hear them. Take care! It'll get better :)