about 4 weeks ago my boyfriend left me. We had been dating for 7 months and I held a scenario from him during a trip to New York for my family get together. I live with an ex and his family and my boyfriend knows this and has come to trust and accept me in the position. I was afraid to tell my bf about my ex going to my family get together (as my ex is extremely close to my moms side because we dated for 5 years and have known each other for 7). My boyfriend found out through a picture on Facebook and he left me out of pure rage and was convinced I had sex or intimate relations with my ex which is not true. 

I have a past with severe emotional and sexual abuse from a 6 year relationship so I have inherited very similar characteristics such as obsession. The week I was dumped I messaged and for the lack of better words, harassed his friends for some attention because I couldn't hold back my feelings and shock from the sudden breakup. 

Two weeks after the breakup happened, my ex finally texted me and apologized and listened and talked to me about things and we made up. That's really all I wanted. And a few days after that he texted me again looking to grab a coffee and meet in person. I told him a mutual person we both used to work with (I hung out with him because I needed to get my mind off the obsessive behavi R and I panicked) had tried to have sex with me and that as soon as he tried making moves I left his house. 

This really made my boyfriend Super angry mostly at the other guy but me as well and hostile causing him to ignore me and blocked me out again. 

I cant stop crying and I have high anxiety and all I want to do is talk and I'm constantly thinking about him and what he's doing and who he's with and what have you.. it is physically and emotionally draining. I feel so empty and lost and I don't know if this is him detaching and processing and he'll be back or if we are done for good like he said before... I need help and I can't concentrate on anything and I really need help sorting things out..

I don't have time or money to see a personal therapist as I work 15 hours a day with two jobs. My boyfriend refuses to talk to me not to torture me but because he himself has high functioning anxiety and trust issues and isolates from the situation. 

I feel guilty and I feel like dirt. I don't trust myself completely to stay away from social media and other forms of publicity. I have texted him and messaged his parents for support but I feel alone.