Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
We are both 42
35 years of knowing him - classmates, friends, neighbors ( since we were 7)
I fell in love with him when i was 18 /19 (never told him) , he says the same. He did not ask me out as he was not sure how I would react.
We were then out of touch and married different people 12 years back...had bad marriages .
Both separated about 8 years back, he did not get a formal divorce, I did
He had 2 kids (10 & 8 - younger was born after he separated)
15 years of being best friend
7 years of a committed relationship , she does not know about me and we have not lived together. The relationship is emotional than anything else.
4 months of breakup, he broke up when his wife sent the kids to live with him (he told me he could not handle our relationship).
Yesterday he told me his wife was moving in with him in because he cannot live without the kids !
She moves in tomorrow ......
I knew this was coming ever since she sent the kids to live with him ....
feel completely Numb !
35 years of knowing him - classmates, friends, neighbors ( since we were 7)
I fell in love with him when i was 18 /19 (never told him) , he says the same. He did not ask me out as he was not sure how I would react.
We were then out of touch and married different people 12 years back...had bad marriages .
Both separated about 8 years back, he did not get a formal divorce, I did
He had 2 kids (10 & 8 - younger was born after he separated)
15 years of being best friend
7 years of a committed relationship , she does not know about me and we have not lived together. The relationship is emotional than anything else.
4 months of breakup, he broke up when his wife sent the kids to live with him (he told me he could not handle our relationship).
Yesterday he told me his wife was moving in with him in because he cannot live without the kids !
She moves in tomorrow ......
I knew this was coming ever since she sent the kids to live with him ....
feel completely Numb !
but i hear you continuing to replay the facts of how many years you have known him, this and that
you have to move forward. build new stats. he is getting back together with family. that is the choice he made. i can only imagine the pain, but living in the past will not help you.. doing the math over and over is only going to leave you feeling tortured. his partner (and again i say this with all due respect) has her own stats.. you are not the only one with claim to him.
i read a quote recently:
people who live in the past are depressed.. people who live in the future are anxious.. people who live in the present can be at peace.
living in the now.. he is getting back with his wife. (SUCKS i know) but what are YOU going to do??? how are you going to make your present amazing.. ??
hugs, and again i am sorry for your pain
I understand this and broke up with him few months back ...
He was my soulmate and he said the same , or so I thought !
I do not buy his story although he still says he loves me but cannot abandon his kids or live without them !
He & I are clear we will not continue with the relationship in this state so cannot accuse him of having his cake and eating it too ....
He is a good person and so am I .... just the situation is so hopeless !
will get by and be ok again... just the numbness
trust your instincts. you gave a lot up.. lots of time.. energy..love.. all of that to not be told the truth (to or about!!)
enough is enough! time to claim your own destiny and create new stats and memories. this is YOUR time.
hugs
It sounds to me like this guy used you as a back up plan. So, things didn't work out with you, so... he chose to go back to his wife -- because suddenly his children are important to you?
As far as his "friendship" goes-- I don't think he has been a very good friend to you. After reading your other thread about closure, it sounds to me he has left you hanging on the side- no closure is something I am CONVINCED that men do because A. they are cowards, and B. he doesn't want you to completely give up on him just in case someday he may need you.
HE. may need YOU.
None of the decisions he makes are based on what's in *your* best interest. Are you living your life, or are you living his?
I have been in your spot, and it takes time to rip away from the situation--- expecially after it's what you've lived for years (did I read your other thread correctly? It seemed to have spanned over a couple of years) When you've lived the rollercoaster of another person's life for so long, it's quite the process to learn how to live your own again. Again, it takes time, and you'll finally GET IT when you are willing to accept the truth of the situation. Which hurts, so being in denial appears to be easier. I totally get it- the relationship between my ex and I spanned 16 years. It's so eay to romantacize the entire ordeal, but how much more time of your life are you willing to let him borrow??
A website that you might find beneficial is baggagereclaim.com---there's some good stuff on there. : )
Trudge through the pain. It's rough, but I think letting go of him, you will find, will be one of the most freeing experiences of emotional growth that you will have in your lifetime. YOUR LIFETIME. Not his. Screw him.
Well, don't screw him. But...you know..
OH. And by the way, it isn't about you. It isn't about the ex. It will be other people once you...and eventually his ex ...wise up and let this dude go. He sounds like my ex--- he likes to take the path of least resistance, and will end up having lived a loveless life at the end.
Peace to you.
Stupid fucking men...I hate that. And the woman who buy that shit? THE CHILDREN HAVE BEEN THERE ALL ALONG! THEY become important to him when it's CONVENIENT for HIM. How sad. Sad for the children.
I'm sorry this has happened to you. I really am. I wish you the best and hope you will find someone worthy of you.
Love is where "wanting to have" meets "wanting to give".
these painful situations are where you really are tested on just how much you do love a person, by giving them peace, by staying away
thats my take anyway, when I hear stories like these
I did not hurt him or his family he did...
used me emotionally and financially and walked off when convinient.
and he wants to meet up with me for lunch today.
I have decided to say no, not sure if I will be able to turn him down when he calls.
Pray that I stay strong !
I did, completely & unconditionally else would not have unconditionally supported him 7 years without a concrete commitment / plan .
I did not go to him, he came to me.
Since yesterday I think I do not. It was a thread that snapped the moment she came to live with him.
It's just my own hurt & pain , nothing to do with him anymore. I do not care what he does who he lives with.
I ask him no questions and need no answers.
I would rather focus on my own healing and people who care about me.
His closest friend too has advised me to move on and not waste even a moment on him as he has always been indecisive.
Here I am fairly happy otherwise, decent looking, fairly good job, financially stable, have many friends and supportive (tho small) family still hankering after a confused person.
Will do so no more, thanks for reinforcing what I know already.