Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
This has been one hell of a week for me. It has been such an emotional roller coaster that I need to get off before I get sick and lose my mind. I have been dealing with my feelings for my ex and I can't let go of him. Just when I thought I could he says something and I lose it all over again. When I found out that he moved on, it hurt me so much that he could move on so quickly and because I still loved him and he claims he loved me but could do that still. Call it jealousy, anger or just hurt feelings but I want a chance to try to salvage us and see if we can make things work. I just want to try and give us our all. We never did that in the relationship and now I feel it's possible but he's blaming me for everything. He says the timing is bad and I'm only doing all this because he moved on. But he doesn't see how much I truly want to try to work things out. I believe my feelings are there still after everything because they are real and true. I wouldn't lie just to be cruel that's not the kind of person I am. He thinks I'm only saying I have feelings for him because there's someone else and that he thinks I'm lying just to make him miserable so he can breakup with this OW. What?!! Why would I put myself through this agony if I truly didn't love him, that makes no sense. He says why didn't I say anything sooner before he moved on. And I can honestly say I was still angry from the breakup and everything that I wasn't thinking about the next step because I wasn't ready to and I had no clue he was moving on like he did. I was still afraid of getting hurt. But he could've said something as well or tried harder but he didn't. Instead he was dating others while he supposedly tried to get me back. How is that right? But the entire time we were apart I never stopped loving him. I tried and I haven't yet. Doesn't that mean something. I'm still afraid he might hurt me but I don't want to just give up completely because it's too hard. If we gave up on everything then no one would accomplish the difficult things in life. I don't know my mind is mush and I have a terrible sense of worry and uneasiness that I can't shake it and it's making me feel sick. He even blames me for his pain when we were apart. He says once he gets burn by someone he would never take them back. How did I burn him when he was the cheater. I had a natural reaction to being cheated on and dumped and he's using my reaction as his blame on me. Now he's blaming me for the new OW that he broke things off with her because I came back into the picture yet he's the one that did it. He's putting all the blame on me and I didn't break up our family, he did. So why is my world falling apart for his mistakes? Even my kids are siding with him that we are done and it will never work. Why? I sacrificed so much for him and my children, why is there no loyalty within my own family? I can't grasp how this is my life now. I'm struggling so much I'm afraid to be alone and what I might do or start to think. I just don't understand why I'm being punished so badly....
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Hi All.... It's great to see all of the new people joining the site... I'm loving it!!...smileI'm not sure if people are aware that if you don't have Bipolar Disorder but have a loved one who has the disorder we do have a board for people to go to in order to share their experiences and seek friendship, support or adviseIt's the Friends and Family of Bipolar Board.... I hope you'll take a...
The only way you can take blame for his pain is if you let yourself. Take back your power, don't accept his crap and him trying to exert power over you.
This is not a good relationship, he's got a new girl, you need to let this go and get on with your life. People that love you don't cheat on you, don't date other people and don't move on to a new girlfriend. Stop torturing yourself.
What you're going thru is very very tough. Reading it...just brought some of the pain I went thru back...and the desperation I felt at the time.
I think you're thinking he's going to be the perfect man for that other woman...and he owes that to YOU not HER! You deserve that good treatment...not her.
It's the most painful thing...b/c if you really think about it...HE played a large part in the demise of your relationship. Cheating, blaming, etc.
And you feel like you're having to pay for it. And you will continue to pay...if you hold onto that mindset that you're actually to blame.
This one chance...you're asking for now... If you really think about it...how many chances have you really given this man...throughout your relationship? Maybe like 20 plus?? And did he ever change or become the man of your dreams?
If he came back to you...and acted exactly the same way he did before, b/c he eventually will, can you imagine living like that for the next 30 years of your life? Knowing what you know? What he's capable of?
Or you going to sit with your tears right now...and reason with yourself...and realize...it's going to suck right now...and hurt for a long time...but at least now...he's someone else's problem (which give it time...he will be)..
Now you have a chance to psychologically, emotionally, and physically feel better. But that's not going to happen overnight...b/c you have to deal with the brainwashing, cognitive dissonance, and withdraw from his crumbs of kindness.
That's tough. Seek therapy, surround yourself with caring family and friends, cry cry cry as much as you need. Rest when you need...but you have to remember...it's going to be hard work and painful.
Never give up. You are worth it...and the peace of mind you love and seek, will be within yourself to access.
Sending you light and love! Happy Sunday sweetie.
The point of my question was for you to really examine your feelings.
It seems like you are holding on to the dreams of "happily ever atfer" and the fantasy of the man you want him to be. Those dreams and fantasies blind us to the reality of the situation. The reality that he is a serial cheater and manipulators and that the relationship wasn't ideal from the get-go.
The first step on "moving on" is to grieve the loss of the relationship and the demise of your dream. Once you do that, you can see him and your relationship with clear vision. When you face the truth and see him for who and what he really is, the recovery begins.
Well all that needs to be said was said. Let me help if I may just a little with what helped me, I declared Checkmate! You see the pain you are feeling right now?- has nothing to do with love- Your ego is protecting your Inner Child. Now lets get down right dirty if I may- Look at yourself in the mirror and say What has happened to my self esteem to allow another human being to seize my power and have me drag myself through mud.Time to (through tears yes- yes yes yes- Get up and be the backbone for yourself,Time to say wtf am I doing here to myself, I am beautiful, I am love, I am the definition of Love, I do not need anyone to give me charity, Beg who? for what?- Pssf that is some joker this guy- like okay-
So I am assuming from your post that your slate is clean that you have never done anything on your end that is suspect or scandalous correct- (always always there are 2 sides),
Apart from all this- gain clarity now,,,- No one has time in this world for the oiky doke- Its either everyone acknowledges their negative aspects and corrects it and you get counseling OR if he says no- Move On, Because right now like Yard Eggs said- your holding on to an illusion, Its an illusion, Its not real- You cannot make someone treat you right or love you correctly if they wont-
So heres the thing beloved- in this Universe there is no such thing as loss-there is only transformation,So you let go if you have to because you trust that the Universe does not make mistakes and if you are willing to let go and trust then the Universe restores what you are feeling you've lost( which is not true it is an illusion)back into you in the form of healing energy which then attracts the right people back into your life,
Now please understand that we are all energy- vibrating on different frequencies, You and him are not on the same frequency point blank period so it will always be friction- it is not you it is not him- just that the 2 energies do not belong, not in sync-it cant be by force,
You know deep in your heart it is over for you because you know your value and worth, This is a truth you have always had in you.Just picture every day your waking up, your spreading your arms and releasing all the negative energy(him included lol) back to the Universe, Say it,,,,,, say I release (such and such his name) back to the Universe- if it is rightly so that I release his energy back to you , I know I will hence be restored with loving ,healing, balanced Light and Love, Dont you want this? Do it as many times a day as you can remember to do so, the most important thing is when you are Releasing all negative energy do it in love- say you Lovingly do it, You will find that you are healing and you are like wait a minute am I feeling more calm more at peace, Yes you will find this because you are becoming aligned correctly- you have taken your power back and it is being poured into yourself, You have transformed, Hugs such abundant light to shower you,,,,<3
Dont fight the pain, don't fight the hurt.
Dont block your thoughts about him, actually you need to allow yourself to focus on things and allow yourself to work on everything going on.
Do the work that needs to be done, if you are not writing every thought and ever emotion down then start doing so.
Reach out to everyone you know and tell your story, its ok to wallow in your pain its fresh. its ok to get hugs from family and friends.
Why even think about someone else, you are not working on healing yourself, you are too focused on him.
Focus on your health, and if you can not, get real professional help.
The pain you are feeling is real and the worst part is only you can heal it. It will take a long time to heal, you could very well take 2 years to heal and that is ok.
Stop contacting him, block him as much as you can.
If you have to talk to him about the kids, make it short. If it gets derailed, tell him " you cheated on me goodbye"
What will more "talking" accomplish other then leave you twisting in the wind?
No contact unless the topic is children or divorce settlement issues, and those are best left to the attorneys.
Your ex knows what he is doing. Remember it is always easy to blame other people for our wrong doing. That is what your ex is doing.
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