Astimegoesby.....I agree that a happy relationship doesn't hang in the balance of "sex." When I was first with my husband I had a way higher drive than he did...he turned me away/down on a daily basis. But, the more responsibilities that I had to take upon myself (like mowing, helping neighbors, cleaning and having to balance the budget and pay bills ---while he wanted to blow everything when we couldn't afford it--and not think about retirement or even small emergency funds...then get lied to about things whether big or small on a daily basis like doing pot, porn, money, where he was, ......) Well, lets just say there became such a distance between us....you know what it is when you choose NOT to work out problems, and lie to your spouse, and not have a relationship--yet still expect sex....that's a prostitute. How can you be expected to have sex with someone in a marriage if you feel the person doesn't care about you simply as a person? I don't think guys (at least some guys really understand) At least that's how sex made me feel...he didn't show any care for me as a person by his actions....he didn't even listen when I would state that something physically hurt me....he blamed it all on me. Everything. If I love someone and they tell me I am hurting them...I would step back and evaluate the situation whether physical or emotional...and see what I could do to connect without causing pain.

My husband really hurt me. I had trusted him when he said "I do" for better or for worse, to be my number one person that I could be myself and feel loved, encouraged and cared about....

Its sad...that I allowed myself to be trampled to the ground in hopes that he would kind of grow up/take hold of being responsible for his own self...and be responsible to others.....our morals were so different...not really religion, but just an outlook about life and how to be towards others. I wish that weren't true....but it is what it is and life goes on.

I do believe women are made differently than men...not good or bad, it just is....

I think happy relationships involve truth, trust, relating, considering others, and hard work.....sex (good sex for all) is a by product of this. I certainly wish that my husband had cared enough to actually work on his faults....I was willing, but I also experienced parts of my spirit dying the more I would allow myself to be treated in such unloving ways.

Anyhow...I digress.


So any how...back to the article....frequency of love making may be one of the indicators of a happy marriage simply because for me...when I felt loved and respected and helped by my husband I was more apt to have sex....But the more disappointed or hurt I became...the less and less sex appealed to me.

Whether this helps at all...here it is.

HiHAVEADANNYDAY: Thanks for posting and sharing. It brings back memories for me and you that are not the best.

When I was finally so exhausted and he took me to the therapist "to fix me" and she found out he was insisting on waking me at 2:00 AM to have sex, that he was insisting on coming to my office and locking the door and having sex during work hours when anyone could be knocking at that door, that we would arrive home and he wanted sex in the kitchen and I refused because our young son was around the corner in the living room and besides i had to make dinner for us. His demands were outrageous, selfish and unrealistic.

She knew he was abusive sexually at that point and he moved into being abusive physically and emotionally. She insisted that most of the sex had to be stopped because it was totally unfair of me to wake me for sex, to be in my office for sex, to expect the child and dinner to wait for sex and to put everything else on hold including the child for sex. AND he needed to help out big time, especially when he expected me to work at his mother's home. because I wasn't his mother nor his maid that he had sex with.