Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
long story short, trying to get to the point.
was in an on off relationship for around 4 years. I kept going back because I loved him. At times I broke it off as I was tired of being treated badly in hope he'd change his behaviour. But I always went back as I missed and loved him so dearly and it hurt to much to stay apart. At times he broke it off with me and I begged him to give it another chance. It always took time but he always did. This went in for years.
finally just recently I'd had enough my heart was just in piecesfeeling so down so unloved so un cared for so confused so forgotten about so used etc I ended up calling it off.
granted it's only been three weeks, but I've not been in touch, when he got back he said can we meet and talk and I said if you have something you need to say you can say it now via email. He didn't like that and so since then nothing.
problem being. He left to go back home for his dads funeral in the U.K. And he owed me money and said when he got back he'd start paying it. I was fine I said you need the money so you can go home that's what's important don't worry about it now blah blah blah.
bit the way he treated me things he did while away which I won't go into I couldn't keep up the fallacy things were ok and that's when it ended.
he hasn't mentioned the money he hasn't tried to pay it back.
i don't know what to do? I don't want to be in touch as he will think it's me trying to use it as an excuse to get back and fuck me its not. I need to stay away as I know I'll be drawn back into the evil relationship.
but it's 2k so its not just chump change, and to be honest the way he treated me the last 4 years he didn't deserve a fucking cent of it. I'd rather have spent it on my parents doing something nice for them.
what can I do? What would you do?
im so torn? It's so much money I've worked my ass off for that money.
but I don't want him thinking I'm using it as an excuse I don't even want to contact him. I know he will expect it. It's likely why he's not tried to give it back, it's something he has over me.
its so fucked. Please help.
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Don't lend money, in or out of a relationship, you can't afford to lose.
Good luck getting it, HUGS
Being the manipulator he is and wanting to win at all costs and thinking he knows me. He is not paying it back because he doesn't want to, doesn't intend to, can't, that is not him at all, he's never been like that with money, he's actually lent his friends money and had to chase them up for it so he in fact knows the feeling.
I honestly think it is a power thing for him. It is something still tying us together.
In the past yes I've used things as reasons to contact him. I've still got this of yours to give back to you, you owe me that money etc etc. so I know he thinks give it time and she will do it. She will either get really drunk mouser and do it or she'll be really sad lonely and maybe same and do it.
So I think he is holding out contacting me and doing the right thing because he thinks it's something I can use when I need to to get in touché with him to make contact again and start us talking again.
Even if I don't. Which I can't guarantee I won't get drunk and do. I've been good so far but let's face it it's been a few weeks and it's about this time I fuck up and do silly shit.
He may not like that I haven't andsee that I haven't and contact me saying I owe you that money. And if at that time I'm moving on trying to forget trying to be happy. Hearing from him may bring me right back down, may start that inner war again, may make me crumble again, because who knows what may happen he may say do.
I just have a weird feeling. Other times he's blocked me on Facebook yes I know this seems childish and petty and 12yr but he has, this time he hasn't.
I just feel like I'm sitting waiting in limbo for eitherme to fuck up or to get better and him to come back at a later point cause I am good have been good and fuck me up.
My love for him is so strong. But also the hatred for the person he made me what he did to me treated me and turned me into is also very strong.
It's truly a struggle daily.
But I need to learn that I can and I will.
It's going to be very hard. I will struggle every single day, and I don't have any support around me to help me through how I'm feel and the days and times I'm struggling, the tears the heartache and someone to be strong for me.
I just have to find some way to do this. I don't know how, as I'm pretty broken, after the 4 years there's not much strength or self esteem left in me. But I have to find something somewhere.
I'm really scared that I'll break and go back because it hurts to much or I'll become really weak.
It's really hard when your doing it all alone. But I know I can't live my life the rest of my life the way I have been as living that life made me feel worthless.
Or CODA meetings. I was not afraid of seeking and
Reaching out for help. I needed it badly and i have
been In recovery for awhile, HUGS
But what about those days times your really down, really struggling and really alone?
Who's there then to help you through? To stop you from doing the wrong thing? From making the mitakes? From getting more hurt and setting yourself back further,
Those are the times that I'm scared of the times when I'm completely alone and desperate. Those are the hardest.
Thats what some do. See a therapist work out
A plan of action designed just for you.
No contact is the way to go, just stop all contact.
It will and does not help you it will only keep you
attached.
Many on here have gotten over or moved thru
Their breakups. Its hard and brutal at first and its
Okay to keep Grieving your losses and reaching
out for help And support, take care of yourself.
HUGS