Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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John135 03/16/2017

I am new to the group. About two weeks ago my wife of 13 years told me she does not think we are compatible and she is thinking about separating. I was and still am devisated. We have two young children and a nice life together - no abuse, no fighting, and we are really good friends. I asked her why and she said she thinks that I am not capable of showing her genuine emotion and she doesn't feel loved. She also said she feels she is very social and I am too introverted, creating a bad long term match. I love her and don't want to lose her - and told her this. I suggested counseling together to help work through things, but she said the problem is with me, not her and as it stands now we are seeing separate therapists. She said in a lukewarm way that she is willing to give it time for the kids sake, but it seems her heart is not in it. I have been trying to show her more appreciation and love, but she makes comments that it does not seem genuine or that I am smothering her. Any suggestions?

ripped_my_heartout 03/16/2017

My stbx of 22 years started out like this. Come to find out she was having multiple affairs and was a narcissist. Yep, it was me she said, she didn't need counseling. She had already checked out of the marriage. I really hope in your case this doesn't happen, but be ready. I was shocked and stunned by her betrayal.

I would really suggest stick with the therapy and maybe join a support group. Work on yourself. In time things will reveal themselves. It is possible to save a marriage if both people are willing to work at it. If only one is willing...the marriage is dead and your wasting your time.

I'm 5 months into this and it does get better slowly but not without working hard on myself. Be strong and stay positive. I wish you the best and good luck.

Singleagain17 03/16/2017

I'm have been separated for two years this month and I'm glad about it. I could not do anything right no matter how much I tried. If you have done your best, then there really anything else you can do. It might not be you. When did things start to change. Did she ever talk to you about it? It hurts but trust and believe it will get better.

PhilipA 03/16/2017

If she isn't will to make an effort in the relationship and your the only one doing it. It doesn't seem that what you do will matter. Finding out my wife is 30 checked out 7 months ago and I'm running around trying to make a sincere effort to work on what she deemed to be the issue. All of which was based on what I did or didn't do. Bottom line she isn't happy. She is responsible for her happiness not you. Do what makes you happy and this will pass.

alcormizar 03/16/2017

Wow, I am in nearly the same situation - I have been married 13 years and as a New Year's move he thought it was time to tell me he no longer loved me and that we should separate. We have been together over half our lives and have twin boys who turned 9 two days ago.... he says we are incompatible now but that I am still his "best friend". I was shocked and am trying all I can to rekindle our love, but he is stubborn and his mind is made up.... he is giving me little chances, but I think it is out of pity! I am also open to suggestions. I just keep hoping this is a mid-life crisis of some sort...

Reinaps 03/16/2017

funny how the ex can justify their actions and clear their conscience just by putting the blame on the other person. stay strong , I'm 8 months into a separation and I would have never believed it, but the pain does ease.

crazydeadmoth 03/16/2017

Hey John,

I am going through this right now, i am brand new here and needed to do something. What you describe is almost exactly where i am to the tee (except for kids). My wife had been emotionally dead for a while now. I should have seen the signs, I am part to blame. I have suggested therapy (I have been in the past) but she refuses and thinks "its a waste of time". While i have no advice to give you :( I really thank you for sharing, it helps to know i am not alone.

strongandsilent 03/16/2017

So... I'm afraid to say it sounds like she has "connected" with someone else. It may be an emotional affair... it may be physical... but, it doesn't matter. Emotional affairs are the worst. she may say she is "willing to try for the kids" but if there is an emotional affair,... the odds are stacked against you... it is very hard to compete with a fantasy.

But try. Do everything you can while keeping your self respecting dignity. If it ends, you may find it reassuring that you did everything you could. And, you never know... you may succeed....

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