Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Hi - I'm new to this chat site...actually i've never been on a chat site, but thought I should perhaps reach out as I'm strugging and thought that there may be others feeling the same way.
It's been a terrible day! In early November, I seperated from my husband and best friend of 20+ years. We had a great life...up until about the last 8 years. We still had very good times, but I could tell that something was always wrong as was grouchy, disengaged, had substance abuse issues and there was nothing that I could do to make him happy. I have an extremely active life and group of friends that I would do things with all of the time as he didn't want to partake. My career enabled us the opportunity to travel the world, we had no kids, a very nice lifestyle indeed, but when he started to be disrespectful and call me hurtful things I realized that I didn't have anything anymore and needed to get out of this unhealthy relationship. I had the seperation agreement finalized and signed before Christmas and have moved on with my life.
The thing is, I am now 3 months in and am still so very raw. I try so hard to be positive and optimistic and not be a "downer" to my friends. I think that I have just realized this morning that I am trying to put this mask on by acting like i've got all of my shit together when really I am a complete mess. I barely recognize myself anymore. I drag myself around trying to be all busy and successful when all i want to do is go to bed and lay down and cry. People that i have known for years dissapoint me with their reactions to our seperation. It's like they think that it is catching or something or act in a way that I completely don't recognize. I feel so lonely and a failure and that now at 43 I have nothing; no kids, no husband and am basically just this shell of a "used to be" happy, confident woman.
Please reach out if you feel the same or if you have any coping mechanisms or advice on how long this lasts. I know it apparently takes time, but I can't even see the light at the end of the tunnel at this point. Thanks for reading.
Harley
We all feel your pain.. We know it all too well.. How long it will last, who knows... Harley nailed it. some days you think you have your shit together then the next day or two or three, you just feel like everything is falling apart..
Dont be too hard on your friends. Its tough. They dont know how to react. Not that they dont care. Give it time...
I am attaching the best post i have yet read on this site for you...... from lonelywolf79.
Enjoy, Smile and this group helps.... it does.........
Hey everyone. I just wanted to share a few words with you today in hoping you are all having a blessed start of a new week.
I was talking to my older brother about something that he struggles with which I used to as well. He asked me how I manage to overcome it and become the person I am today, and I realized my answer was so simple that it is in everyone's reach.
If you are facing a fear, or you are in a state of depression, anxiety, saddness or obsession, then it is time for a change. But how to make that change is the hard part... That is exactly what my brother said to me, "yeah but making that change is so hard." Well IT ISN'T.
It all starts with a decision and then it continues to become a habit. All you need to do is to pick yourself up today and say "I AM a different person already" visualize who it is that you are inside and chip away the rest. Inside of all of us lives a great person. This is who we are. We are not what is on the outside or what society, our exes, our family or anyone has forced us to believe we are. We ARE GREAT. We just have to stop defining ourselves in a negative way and start seeing OURSELVES for who we truly are.
THEN comes the best part.... Once we have changed our mindset then we have to change our daily actions. We have to be aware of our thoughts and actions during the day everyday until it becomes a habit.
Stop yourself when a negative or obsessive thought comes to mind. Tell yourself "this is not who I am. I am better than this" and believe it. You will see how after a month of doing only positive things for yourself on a daily basis it will become part of who you are and it is now not something you have to remind yourself to do but a good habit acquired.
Here are some habits that help us daily:
1- Exercise daily
2- Organize yourself (Schedules/to do lists/etc)
3- Keep a clean home and yourself as well.
4- Self-reassurances in front of a mirror each morning.
5- Pray
6- Wake up each day and play a motivational video on youtube (different one everyday) while you shower and dress.
7- Read
8- SMILE (Keep a positive attiude in everything you do)
9- Volunteer work (anything you do that helps someone less fortunate. Even if it is just a cup of coffee to a homeless man each morning)
10- Sleep (6 hours each night minimum and get a good nights rest where all your problems are cast aside)
I know we are all struggling in this world. some more than others. BUT we can do this if we have a winning attitude. Sometimes it is hard to have... but it is no excuse not to have it. It is all in our minds.
Bless you all and I send you all my love and hugs. Good luck in everything you are going through and keep moving forward.
YOU CAN DO IT
I to have been pushing all my raw feelings down, deep and laugh and carry on like he is away at camp. Truth is until this May he has been staying in the basement. ( it has a kitchen, bathroom, bedroom, so he is fine...) but2-3 days a week he does not come home. Dagger to my heart. he has been seeing someone else and obviously staying with her.
A certain song, or memory trigger and I can feel my eyes start to well up and throat get tight. I let myself cry it out some nights...this Feb. 10 th will be the 1st Anniversary since our Divorce in October...so I am still new to these weird feelings of longing to see him and hang out, and wantin to know every detail about this new person, ...does he act the same around her? what are they doing together??? Then I get malicious thoughts, like I hope she gives him an STD...or she gets pregnant...lol that would show him. It would be great if she left him, so he can find out how it feels to be crushed.
For me to cope is writing down my feelings, try limiting how much I talk about my situation with everyone I meet. I try to keep it to my 2 closer friends. One thing that really helps is making plans. Like what or where do I want to be in 5 months? A year? do I want to fix up the house? travel? keeping busy does work...like a death, we will go through the stages of grieving and slowly the old memories will be taken over with our new ones!
Keep talking to us, it does help!
Thanks again. My heart goes out to you all.
Confide in your feelings to journals and your very closest friends; don't keep them bottled up.
"Getting Past your Breakup" book helped me immensely.