I'm so sorry. Many hugs to you. I understand that pain of feeling as though you've lost everything. That thought consumes me from time to time as well.

I prayed for strength and the will to find my way out, and it has truly been granted. When we concentrate on what we're losing, we tend to ignore the rich gifts and blessings we have. We tend to ignore that we are gifts, and as such, should honor that by finding light and hope wherever we can. It's there. I promise.

i am sorry you are hurting.

i would cut off contact from his whole family. including his mom. i know its a loss - thats why this whole process sucks. but in the long run its just easier to cut all ties. obviously she is in contact with her son and you are going to see things there that are depressing. so just stay away from it, unless you are prepared to be hurt repeatedly.

going to counseling is a good thing. the change isnt going to happen over night. how long have you been going? 5 months? and you see no difference? have you talked to your counselor about that? perhaps you should and maybe they could think of another way to refocus things so you feel like some kind of progress is being made. counseling isnt a cure all - it helps you sort out your thoughts and process things. if you dont feel you are getting that, talk to your therapist and work on a plan on how you can get there.

you really cant find one? no happy endings? hmm... well, i am trying to create my own happy ending. i am learning to like me again, feel comfortable in my own skin, in my lonliness - set goals for myself, etc. i see a lot of people on here doing that - i think that is happiness. it is happiness for me. happiness is within. no one can make us happy. we choose to be happy. i think you need to feel how you are feeling and process it. if you arent feeling happy, then dont feel happy for the day. cry all day. then the next day, try to find some happiness. count your blessings. do something nice for you. listen to the birds singing. dance to some loud music. journal. and if that doesnt work, carry on haviing a crappy day. yes - here is your hope. happiness is within you.

it hasnt been that long - not that there is a timeframe anyway. when i was 5 months in, i was in school full time and came on here all the time, even at lunch, because i was still going to the bathroom and crying, getting angry, it was horrible. pretty soon you will see glimmers of happiness. then they will just keep getting bigger.

what goals are you setting for yourself? school? work? volunteering? exercise goals? emerce yourself in those things. best of luck.

xoxo

you're going to be fine
hang in there
keep your compass headed north and you'll get there

((hugs))

I am so sorry that you're hurting. I know this would be another loss, but I wouldn't be contacting his mom. Stay away from FB. You don't need to be reading posts from his fiance. You'll feel more hurt by doing so and this is not good for your soul and well-being. There will be better days ahead. Just hang in there. Keep going to counselling. Hugs and wishing you strength to move forward.

Again, fb is the devil! It is a complete waste of time, not to mention all the damn pain it causes. I may never get back on it, and don't miss it a bit.

Every now and then someone comes back to the forum and tells about how things are well for them and their lives are great. They have found new love and are very content and happy. We don't hear about them often because they don't come 'round often. They are off busily living their new lives.

Hopefully, we'll all get there someday too. :)

Then we can be the ones to come back and report how well everything is in our lives--and go back to living it.

Blixxa, the happy ending for me, is that I am so at peace with myself and my life right now. I loving the fact that I am finding myself again, and doing the things I enjoy doing.
I spend time with people I want to be with or on my own.
Most of my close friends and family live thousands of miles away or on other continents but that is ok. I have found a new peace and joy in myself again, that I thought I had lost forever. I hope that you too can get to this place. It will improve over time, if you can just look for the positives in your day, no matter how small.
Mine are that I no longer have to pander to my ex's wishes or put up with his mean and nasty comments. I can come home to my own peaceful space after work and do exactly as I want to. That is huge for me!! I no longer have to walk on eggshells. I hope you can find yourself and your own inner peace.

*like*

Thank you all. I just wish this pain was over.

Hi Blixxa - I am new to this support group, but have been going thru this long divorce process for 7 months now in the courts, but feels like 2 years in the mariage, back and forth, should I stay or go.
I am sorry you are havign one of those days/ They do sneak up, don't they? And they seem to knock the wind out of you, and cause an ache deep in your heart. I know, I had two of them last week. The good news is, last week it was only two. And maybe this week it will only be one, but it may be three. Time heals all wounds. And leaning on friends and family helps. My MIL used to introduce me as her "daughter", we were so close, and sadly she is at least 50% of the reason my marriage fell apart. Cutting ties with his family is probably best, I know it leads to feelings of isolation, but in time, I am confident it will make healing faster.
Hang in there Blixxa. I totally understand what you are going thru. The pain runs deep, liek a river, but rivers lead to larger bodies of water, and great opportunity!

I am happy now, after being in divorce-hell for awhile - I think reply #1 said it well. Hey, 5 months in, I was still a bit of a mess, please don't be too hard on yourself, take good care of yourself and you will get happy, too!

Happy ends come to those who first search for then once found begin to write them ;)

((((((((hug))))))))))))

no, sorry, no happy endings, there is no such thing as fairy tales....